Dear MOMS
I too came across a woman from the neighborhood on Sat who was at a flea market selling some stuff and when she saw me,(I rarely go anywhere but work) she said oh how are things and I said hard, I take one day at a time, and she said I know there isn't one day that I don't cry for my mother.And then she went on and on about her mother.Now I'm not dismissing the fact that her mothers death was very painful for her but the truth of the matter is I wanted to say to her I see your daughter standing next to you,when you have lost her come talk to me.Have I lost all empathy for those who lost someone who wasn't their child? I was ashamed of how I felt.I guess I feel like you April,our children were young and healthy and not on their death bed where it would almost be a comfort not to see them sick and suffering anymore.

As for your dream Shirley,I'm sure it was connected in some way with the trunk.The day after Nicky died everyone was trying to push tranquilizers in me.I finally said alright.That night I had a dream about Nicky.I got a call that he was climbing a tree at school and fell.I rushed to the er thinking he broke a bone only to pull back the curtain and see him like 7 yrs old with a smashed in pancake face and moving lumps running inside his body up and down like some kind of alien invasion.I'm sure this had something to do with the fact that I got a call the night he was shot telling me that he was alright and talking and then when I got to the er it was so much worse.I woke up from this nightmare to face the real nightmare,he is dead.I think it is a great idea about the trunk,I'm sure Sandra will be in and out of that trunk in the years to come many times.Hope you're feeling a little better today

Lois Your customer sounds like a piece of work.How horrible it must be to have him come in frequently and be all" oh isn't life great"? And he knows your loss, that's the real shame of it.The only decent days are the days when someone speaks of my son or something happens that reminds me of him.Not my family but others who knew him.I still cry but it makes me feel better knowing he isn't just forgotten by those who loved him so much.The memory of our children is always front runner in our brains,it's others who remember and think of him and let me know how they are doing that touches me.I can't explain it but it comforts me to know they miss him too.It's confirmation that he mattered to more than just me and my family.

I guess we're all having some bad days,but thank God I can share how I feel with all my MOMS,who truly know.Love and God Bless.

I don't know which is worse the people who make the kind of comments knowing what we've suffered or they know what happened and just act like it didn't. My family who never talks about Chris. My family, my self-absorbed father who Chris didn't speak to for the last 10 years of his life, because of his treatment of me...it's always been like every one else had such good kids but him...he still does it. Raves about others peoples children like they are so special. I guess they were, their parents put their children first not the bars and the one night stands.
Their kids didn't have to live with the fact that their mother walked away when they were 3. I hate to whine but sometimes I cannot believe my life. What if I had been loved from birth as my son loved me for those treasured 27 yrs of my life...the 27 yrs of unconditional LOVE even when I let life slip he was there. "You don't want me to have to love you from a distance Mom"
Sorry I don't know where that came from I guess from my heart.I always said my past brought me to my children so how would I want to change anything...life brought me my greatest gifts...what do I think now, I guess that death isn't so scary it's a gift to come because I'll see Chris with God and his son Jesus. So I know Chris is waiting too because he knows my suffering and I have never not felt his love with me.
Shirley, your dream...maybe it was Jimmie checking in with his mom...letting you know that he's okay and that he appreciates the Chest of Love you are gathering together for his daughter which could explain why he came in his early years.
I've had only one dream about Chris and that is the only dream I've remembered at all, in all this time but he was there. And that was my dream, Chris was there and we were so happy, estatic...and that's what I kept saying in my joyous laughter... you're here, you're here...I could feel his body I kept pushing on him laughing...I haven't heard myself laugh like that since.
thanks again for being here

April
So very true our children were not sick and suffering that is something else she said to me "Jimmy is not suffering anymore". Jimmy wasn't suffering he loved life every minute of it.
Barb I am glad to see you getting out of the house for more than work. Like I said sometimes we just gotta let it out, my dad passed away almost 5 years ago and it was a very sad he was only 76 but dad was very sick and it was a blessing because he truly isn't suffering anymore. I think back to when my friends son was murdered all I kept saying I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel, how does a mom go on after having her child murdered. Well now I know some how we just do go on we don't move on though. I thought the trunk would be a good thing for Miss Sandra since she was only 6 when Jim was murdered and they had really only been back together for about two years Due to her mother being such a nut case. I write things down about Jim things he did and things he did with her so she will have lots of little notes in there to read too.
Lois sounds like you have had it pretty rough I can't even imagine not having my parents always there for me. Mom was a stay at home mom always there dad was a logger he did his share of drinking after work but was always there for us. As for your Chris he loved you unconditionally through thick and thin that is something no one can take away from you Chris's Love.
Hugs
Jim's Mom