Wow, I don't know if I should post but I will anyway and hopefully I don't hurt anyone's feelings that's not my intentions. I've always been the nice person, my boys always told me I had too soft of a heart. And I do believe that in most cases. Lois I cannot fathom the thought of someone in my life murdering my child, that has to hurt deeply. To think that you might have changed things or did things differently to have avoided this please know this is not your fault. My oldest son always blames himself for Timmy's death, he believed at first they were after him, he lived with that for 14 months while locked up in jail. When he found out that Timmy was in the wrong place at the wrong time and they were after the other guy, it took such a burden off of him, but he still thinks that maybe if he wasn't friends with the other guy, or knew him, or befriended him in anyway Timmy would still be alive. I tell him all the time, this is not your fault, you cannot forsee the future, we cannot stop the evil that invades another's heart. There was no way you could have know that this man would do this to your son. I understand too what Shirley has said because my ex had nothing to do with my boys, nothing! He was never there for them, even after Timmy was killed you would think he would try and be a father of the two boys he has left, and he isn't. He is oblivious. Do I hate him, no, but I can't stand him and I'll never forgive him because he never knew Timmy and was never part of his life, but that is his loss he will have to live with that for the end of his days. He hurt my boys in so many ways and they have to live with that pain for the rest of their lives. It is sad when my oldest son crys to me that he has no dad, a man who does't love him, a man who could be there thru thick and thin and isn't. I'm in no way comparing what Chris' dad did, that is unspeakable but he will live with that and he will suffer for it for the rest of his days and I do believe what goes around comes around, he will suffer for what he has done to your son. Know that in your heart, he will never fully get away from the awful things he has done. We are all in this together, we are MOM's who have suffered the greatest of pain that no mother should ever have to live with, ever. We are here for each other, to be shoulders to cry on, to be comfort when there is none to be found, to know you are not alone no matter what the circumstances are that brought us here. I love each and every one of you and I keep you all in my heart and I wish to be able to take all our pain away if I could. But just know that I am glad that I have found this safe haven, to know I can say whatever I feel and never be judged by it. So please don't think anyone judges you or that your pain is any less than anyone elses. We need to stick together and be here for each other, if we can't then who do we have if we don't have each other?
((((( hugs )))))
Bette
Timmy's mom