Barb I understand how reading messages from new moms sometimes pulls all those bad memories from the back of your mind to the front once again. I have wondered if staying away from the site would help, then I get to thinking that those memories so many times pop to the front for no reason what so ever. I am finding that every now and then really good memories are popping into my head sometimes just some little thing triggers a memory that makes me smile. I do know what you mean though about our angels friends the funeral home was so full of people for Jimmy people had to stand in the hall and there were even people standing outside (and it was snowing first snow we have had in December in years and so far the last) a few of Jimmy's friends still stop by and there is one of his friends who calls me or stops by all the time. It is so very hard to watch people move on with their lives when we just can't seem to do that. When My Jim would drive through town in his car or on his bike it seemed everyone in town would wave or holler hey to him. One day on my way to work a guy I didn't know waved and got a big smile on his face when he saw Jimmy's car that warmed my heart and made me smile. This is a hard life we are now living to me it seems no matter how many people are around I still at times feel alone.
I can come here and talk about My Jim without getting the feeling that this or that person really doesn't want to hear what I am saying. I was chatting with an old friend on FB one day she asked me how I was doing when I started explaining about Jim she just signed off and that was that. We moms truly understand the need for others to listen and we moms truly want to listen and talk about all of our angels.
I love you all
Big Jim's Mom
I just want to say how much I love, repect and admire all of you MOMS. I would want any of you at my table. Everyday I turn on my computer and punch in MOMS @4am. Somedays a new mom is there with another story so sad and painful or it's words of one of us needs to get out there. Sometimes there is a try at hope.
My Chris told me his life had become surreal...and now so is mine and yours too don't you think. I feel bad he felt that way, he didn't know what he was dealing with and I only imagine the worst...Chris loved his father...that sucks.
where else but here can I put that thought out there but here?
Who else can I tell that while not one of Chris's friends has called me, I don't live in Hawaii anymore but it would be nice to hear that SOMEONE asked how I was or sends love...
Chris lost his very good friend David in Jan. 11mos. before we lost Chris in Dec.2008. David's death affected Chris deeply.. he felt alot of what we all know so well...the sadness, the pain, the questions. He even felt the guilt, wishing his friend had listened to him when he tried to encourage his surfing and discourage so much partying...David got in a truck drunk with a friend who was drunk. David was crushed, the friend arrested. David died later.
What did Chris say to me...Mom he was almost there I had him talking Tahiti, I almost got him back in the water...
Who else can I tell at David's service Chris had his hand on his friend as he spoke of his love. Everytime Chris got lost and didn't know what to say he'd say "He was a Warrior!" And who can I tell that Chris told me he had gone to see David's Mom to see how she was. He said it was hard, I said she'd probably like to see him again. He said he didn't know if he could do that. Chris told me that weeks before he was murdered...I found out later from David's Mom Chris had come by a week before...
who else would know how it feels to tell a story of my precious kind handsome funny son who befor he was gone easily helped my conversations stay interesting because of his adventures in life.
Who can I tell I feel my daughter and her son Ez have lost that part of me that used to be before all of this.
The pain we see here is more than most know but we do and we continue each day knowing that we are not alone. Sadly it's an odd sort of comfort
I love you all alot
