URSULA, you could'nt have put it a better way how cruel people can be when they do such terrible things i regret not screaming that i luv you ernest while the paramedics were loading him into that ambulance my son who is 2yrs older was hollering to ernest and i pray he heard his voice they were so close it really hurt to see the brother's go thru not having ernest my son later told me how really broke up he was about losing ernest i guess his wife seen much more than i did and their relationship suffered as a result of this hell i want so bad to go back in time and say alot of things to ernest but the one thing that i did get to say allways was i luv you so that is a word that is used in my house alot forever and ever it is so painful i can not describe it but you other mom's on here no what it feels like no need to even say this is a good site to come to and let it out only if we could all meet in person it would be so comforting i know how coming to 1yr in this position feels like it is so new it will be 4yrs in oct that my handsome ernest will be gone i want to break up so bad but when the tears come i try and hold them in so none of the other kids see me especially my 7yr old he knows why but i just dont want him to feel sad and i thought that ernest's death would not affect him long term well i was informed by the counselor at school that my baby told her about E and how he misses him so bad and wow it threw me for a loop so when he wants to talk about his boppie's what ernest called him i let him spill it all out as i dont want him scared of this world and i am also honest with him i dont sugar coat anything if i do he won't be aware of the sickness people perpetrate on other people i say i wont be able to protect him forever so why shield him from this ugly stuff i want him to be safe this is so hard to deal with like one mom said it gets worser mom you were so freakin right it does get worser i deal with the anger after i deal with why my baby is no longer here and the hands of some very awful guys who set out to commit this act where we live ernest just happen to come into their site by waving hi at some other young men who would of been in ernest's place had they walked from upstairs from a building they were standing at these animals were lying in wait and my child was their victim had it not been for a citizen who could not believe his eyes and felt sickened by these a****** he got on his cell ph and called 911 and after high speed chase and lockdown of an area canine dogs etc. they were held to answer and are doing 75 to life it is really not closure to me but i have to except what they gave them i just hope they have the worse exp in prison you can imagine and think about what they did to my child everyday but i have since learned alot about them this is what they do and it's the norm they just happened to get caught this time i am so sick of these guys making our kids walk in fear everyday i want to be armed when i leave home i have a 19yr old son and he knows how crazy it is so when he goes out we have a system not for me to keep up with him but to make him safe so i can breath easier and not be scared to death when he is out. i refuse to deal with anymore heartache because my heart wont take anymore i will go over the edge for a fact so grateful to all the responses i got on my post thanks so much and i would love to just talk to any mom on here that wears these same shoes you can relate it helps god how it helps, hugs to all moms who need it and wants it. cheryl mom to "E"
I too often feel a fear that Laycee will be forgotten. Its been two years since she was murdered by my boyfriend. she was only 1 year old. nobody talks bout her but my mom. everyone else has moved on.. and i cant seem to. i dont know if i want to. i love and miss her so much. Im sure i know how you feel, I only cry when im alone. i hide all my pain and hurt and try to act the way i think im supposed to. I am glad you came back to a place where you can vent and we do understand your pain.
