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Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

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Re: Does anyone have information on this?

Barb I too was told that I would not receive any of the items in evidence until after the appeals are over, which we all know never happens. I also provided items to the prosecutor like pictures etc. that I have never received back. I ask for them but have not received yet. I ask for the clothes that my son had on at the time of his death but they said they destroyed them because they were to bloody. Also the cap that he had on the night he was murdered, his daughter had given to him and she wanted it back, but they said it had blood on it and they destroyed all the clothes. Didn't make sense to me that they would do that but they are not thinking like a mother of a murdered child. They make the decision even though they do not know how it feels to know that those bloodly clothes are the last clothes that your child will ever wear. That it is his blood that is soaked into the shirt and the cap, it should not be their decision to make it should be ours and we want them. If I had known or thought about it I would have said at the beginning that I wanted everything that had anything to do with my son. Maybe we should make a list, from our experiences for new moms that are having to try and remember everything at such a horrible time in their life, maybe even get the list printed up to give out at funeral homes, DA offices, hospitals etc.
Title could be: List of things you need to ask after your child is murdered" or something similar. What do you think? It this something we should pick up and go with? We need to do something to help other moms before they are in our places.

Re: Does anyone have information on this?

Dear Debbie
Thank you for replying.I would like to see a check list of things moms know nothing about to ask at the time of their grieving that perhaps another family member could read and start working on for them.Be it police issues,funeral issues,sites to go for help like MOMS etc.If they are stong enough they can ask these things themselves but I know I didn't know what day it even was or the time etc.When the cobwebs cleared it was too late or I wished I had thought of something sooner ya know? Like I said before I spoke to the head of our advocates in Phila the other day asking her to maybe put a flyer in the advocates packets leading the moms to this site.She said they weren't affiliated with the site but she would look into it.I believe that the checklist should be given out to families during the first days of finding out about their loved ones death,maybe by the detective division since they are the first ones to be involved with the families.By the time you get the advocate packet it is sometimes too late.I don't know how to go about this do you? I believe Kim is working on this project,so maybe if you can see if detective divisons in each of the states will agree to give these out like they give out their cards in case we need anything or want to keep in touch.I think this would be a tremendous help to so many.What do you think?
Thanks to all the MOMS who responded to this email
Love to you all Barb

Re: Does anyone have information on this?

Well Barb, after reading this happening to you, I asked about Kaylin's clothes and was told the same thing Deb was. Pretty much, I will never get them back because they are evidence and have to be kept in case of appeals. We truly are robbed of everything aren't we? I think a list would be perfect and please mom's do not forget to write these things down for our project. It doesn't seem like there is anyone to help us but us. :(

Re: Does anyone have information on this?

Dear Kim
I am off the next couple of days and will be emailing you some lists I think will be helpful.I would have rather posted it to save room in your email and maybe some other mothers would see my list and it will jolt their memories a little.Something minute could be useful to someone else ya know what I mean? The problem I have is sometimes if I think I answered a forum already I don't realize there is another update till days later due to the bumping of messages,so I am making a conscious effort to remember to look at the dates and times of postings as not to forget a new message may be added daily. Thanks for everything God Bless Love Barb

Re: Does anyone have information on this?

The best thing would be to get it added to the crime victims rights constitution for each state. The first thing I guess would be to construct a good list and then maybe start on our own supplying to agencies like the police dept etc. and of course the victim advocates and homicide support groups. Kim if you have taken on the task of constructing a list, I will send you a list of items that I feel strongly about. Just let me know. Thanks

Re: Does anyone have information on this?

I am working on the project of getting the story out about how Moms are treated after their child is murdered. The story of the Forgotten Mom who has to try to fight for her child to receive justice when the system doesn't see us as a victim who has had their child taken away. I am also putting together the list for phone and addresses.

I don't mind putting together a list if we need one. Anything that I can do to help, I am willing to. I think it is a great idea to get this information to the advocates in our areas. Just let me know what is needed and I will do it.
This is important information to get out.

As a State Employee in California it looks like I will be furloughed two days a month so I will have some extra time to help with anything we need to get going.