Well just as I thought things might be looking a little better BOOM!
During the first wk of Nov it came across as info that Nicky's voice was on the 911 tape.All along I thought it was the kid who was with him,but they were each on the phone at different times.So of course I wanted to hear my son's last words on the tape.I called the DA who promised me he would bring the tape to pre trial on Nov 25th.He said he forgot the tape and he would get it to me.I patiently waited and called the detective who said since he lived near me he would drop it off.That was Dec 19th.He never dropped it off and I thought with the holidays I would call afterwards.I placed 2 unanswered calls into the detective and another one to the DA who assured me he would get me the tape.Well yesterday I placed another call into the detective and someone said he wasn't in and he took a message and said he lived near me and he would drop it off.The original detective I called yesterday who wasn't supposed to be in called and I said I know you guys are busy but these are my son's last words before he died ,I need to hear them.He said another detective was taking care of it and he would call.Around 2pm the lead detective called me and without any emotion said there is no tape after 30 days if we don't feel like it is useful to the case they get rid of them.I was hysterical I said what gives you the right to determine that ?This is my son and his case hasn't even made trial yet.Why isn't that part of evidence? He said this is commom since the call came from inside his residence,they didn't need to interview an outside source.I was dumbfounded.My son's last words something to hang onto and it was discarded like yesterdays trash.I called the mayor's office who gave me the 911 supervisor who said the cops always keep a copy and they purge the original from 911 data bank.They suggested I call Homicide and ask again.I called the DA who said I will call you right back after I call the detective.We never got a call back.I called the DA this morning who coldly said yeah there is no tape.I said then why did you all tell me there was one and leave me hanging.No reply.I am sick to my stomach over this and was wondering if anyone has any other suggestions.I would really appreciate it. I've already called the state rep who said I would get a lawyer ,sounds like negligence.Of course I can't afford a lawyer at this time.Thanks moms I know this was long but just maybe this has happened to someone else and if it didn't it might be useful to another mother so it doesn't happen to her.God Bless you all Love Barb
Barb, I'm so sorry..I dont have any real suggestions, but I do know that somehow all of those calls are kept in some sort of a data base. I know that they seem to be able to pull them up any time the FBI needs them...maybe thats a clue...I hope you find it...Love and hugs to you
I sent you an e-mail of some addresses and phone numbers I have hope that might help some.
Oh Barb this makes me sick. I would only say to please include this in your story for how MOMS are forgotten afterwards. This is one of the reasons our stories need told. It would be useful to know what to expect and it is just not out there for us so we have t make sure we get it out there. Shame on them. No one tells us anything about things like this. Why is there no one to tell us about deadlines or when things will be destroyed? I have spoken to the coroners' office and been told that if they decide not to use her clothes in evidence they will be destroyed. I have told them that I want them when they are released. I better call back to make sure they are still there. It isn't fair that there is no one to really guide us through this process. I know some are lucky enough to have advocates. In LA county there are just not enough to go around. Your post did make me realize that I need to keep checking. I cannot believe that you were left hanging like that, but it seems the more we learn that it happens more then we would like to know. I am so sorry Barb, I know how much hearing his voice would have meant to you. Do these detectives get so hardened that they lose compassion? To lie to you is unforgivable. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
I have just the opposite delima Jimmy's cell phone was taken in evidence but there wasn't a thing on it that was brought up at trial I tried to get it back because I wanted the pictures he had told me about I can't have it back now until all the appeals are over and done for the POS. I will never get it back!
Jim's voice was also on the 911 tape but I just didn't think that was something I wanted to hear.
Love and Hugs
Thanks for responding,I was in a very dark place yesterday and I knew I needed to crawl back out fast.The thing is when our children were murdered we were walking around in a fog for months.You're right Kim there is no one to tell you these things in the beginning.We rely on trust. This is all new to us and it took longer to process what we were all being told because after all this is a first for us.But my mistake was trusting anything or anyone other than my own parental instincts.That will never happen again.And with everyone's help in letting the other know what to expect we have a good shot of never being labeled as naive.Something very precious to me was taken,but the Lord always reminds me of how much He has already given me in regards to Nicky's death.I didn't google this site till 7 months after my son died.We are all on the biggest roller coaster of our lives the ups, the downs,the curves,the anticipation of what's around the next corner.I now wish I had known about this site from the very first month.It gives me a strength and purpose.I no longer wish I was dead,I wish the pain would go away but I'm glad my survival mechanism kicked in.I don't think depression will ever go away but look at all you moms doing for one another isn't that what we taught our kids.How proud I know they all are of us for sticking together and I can just see them all saying" wow, you go girls" Of course they may be cutting us up too but that's okay,Nicky liked to tease me and I like to think he still is at times.So Kim yes this is a very worthwhile project you've started.Now Shirley I just don't get it about the phone.They won't even let you download his pictures? They gave me back Nicky's phone within 3 days.And remember his case hasn't even gone to trial.Any moms out there with suggestions for Shirley write them in, help her out.Maybe just maybe someone has gone through this too.Julie take Kayt's suggestion about a flyer for Jeremy's belongings.It just might work and if it does well what joy you will have that day and the days to come.I talked to the head advocate yesterday about my situation and I also mentioned that I thought it would be very helpful to include a flyer in the advocates pack suggesting a visit to the MOM"S site for some healing.She said they weren't affiliated but she would look into it.If it helps any Kim did you get an advocate packet telling you what steps to expect next.I know you said where you live they don't have enough advocates to go around,but did they give you a packet? I could send you one if it will help your project.I'm so sorry for being long winded ladies but I had a lot on my mind that I wanted to share.Thanks again.My love and prayers to you all Barb
Just to let you know we answered you email about Nicky's video...check out his website and your email..we were busy playing computer today for a little bit. I do wonder if there is not another place where those tapes are kept...it is so hard to believe they are just gone...do some cases really know that they will need them in the first 30 days? Something does not seem right? Did you call the one attorney in Philly? I will look for more if you want or perhaps tomorrow I can do a google search on 911 tapes and see what I can find. Take care and be sure to check your email. All of our Love. Laura & AV
Sorry this has happened to you and your family, I would think, like Laura says how do they know in the 1st 30 days they won't need the tapes! Something sounds fishy there, I bet they have that tape somewhere in an other department, but as we have learned with the justice system, the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. Keep pursuing I know with your determination and Nicky's help you will find that tape.
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Barb I too was told that I would not receive any of the items in evidence until after the appeals are over, which we all know never happens. I also provided items to the prosecutor like pictures etc. that I have never received back. I ask for them but have not received yet. I ask for the clothes that my son had on at the time of his death but they said they destroyed them because they were to bloody. Also the cap that he had on the night he was murdered, his daughter had given to him and she wanted it back, but they said it had blood on it and they destroyed all the clothes. Didn't make sense to me that they would do that but they are not thinking like a mother of a murdered child. They make the decision even though they do not know how it feels to know that those bloodly clothes are the last clothes that your child will ever wear. That it is his blood that is soaked into the shirt and the cap, it should not be their decision to make it should be ours and we want them. If I had known or thought about it I would have said at the beginning that I wanted everything that had anything to do with my son. Maybe we should make a list, from our experiences for new moms that are having to try and remember everything at such a horrible time in their life, maybe even get the list printed up to give out at funeral homes, DA offices, hospitals etc.
Title could be: List of things you need to ask after your child is murdered" or something similar. What do you think? It this something we should pick up and go with? We need to do something to help other moms before they are in our places.
Thank you for replying.I would like to see a check list of things moms know nothing about to ask at the time of their grieving that perhaps another family member could read and start working on for them.Be it police issues,funeral issues,sites to go for help like MOMS etc.If they are stong enough they can ask these things themselves but I know I didn't know what day it even was or the time etc.When the cobwebs cleared it was too late or I wished I had thought of something sooner ya know? Like I said before I spoke to the head of our advocates in Phila the other day asking her to maybe put a flyer in the advocates packets leading the moms to this site.She said they weren't affiliated with the site but she would look into it.I believe that the checklist should be given out to families during the first days of finding out about their loved ones death,maybe by the detective division since they are the first ones to be involved with the families.By the time you get the advocate packet it is sometimes too late.I don't know how to go about this do you? I believe Kim is working on this project,so maybe if you can see if detective divisons in each of the states will agree to give these out like they give out their cards in case we need anything or want to keep in touch.I think this would be a tremendous help to so many.What do you think?
Thanks to all the MOMS who responded to this email
Love to you all Barb
Well Barb, after reading this happening to you, I asked about Kaylin's clothes and was told the same thing Deb was. Pretty much, I will never get them back because they are evidence and have to be kept in case of appeals. We truly are robbed of everything aren't we? I think a list would be perfect and please mom's do not forget to write these things down for our project. It doesn't seem like there is anyone to help us but us. :(
I am off the next couple of days and will be emailing you some lists I think will be helpful.I would have rather posted it to save room in your email and maybe some other mothers would see my list and it will jolt their memories a little.Something minute could be useful to someone else ya know what I mean? The problem I have is sometimes if I think I answered a forum already I don't realize there is another update till days later due to the bumping of messages,so I am making a conscious effort to remember to look at the dates and times of postings as not to forget a new message may be added daily. Thanks for everything God Bless Love Barb
The best thing would be to get it added to the crime victims rights constitution for each state. The first thing I guess would be to construct a good list and then maybe start on our own supplying to agencies like the police dept etc. and of course the victim advocates and homicide support groups. Kim if you have taken on the task of constructing a list, I will send you a list of items that I feel strongly about. Just let me know. Thanks
I am working on the project of getting the story out about how Moms are treated after their child is murdered. The story of the Forgotten Mom who has to try to fight for her child to receive justice when the system doesn't see us as a victim who has had their child taken away. I am also putting together the list for phone and addresses.
I don't mind putting together a list if we need one. Anything that I can do to help, I am willing to. I think it is a great idea to get this information to the advocates in our areas. Just let me know what is needed and I will do it.
This is important information to get out.
As a State Employee in California it looks like I will be furloughed two days a month so I will have some extra time to help with anything we need to get going.