Hi Carolyn, I'm not sure if you remember me but we talked on the phone. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I definitely know how you feel. On April 5th Keara will have been gone for 6 years. Sometimes I just can't believe it still. We are so wounded I think. Our children are part of us and now they are gone. I don't know if the pain will ever go away. It's hard to have such evil in our lives. I am so glad that we have this place to go to and talk to other Moms who understand.

To Keara's mom,
Yes, I do indeed remember you and talking to you on the phone....Kenny and your daughter have been gone the same amount of time, 6 yrs...Kenny's last day was March 21st...So true, it never get's any easier....Loosing a child to murder, is for me anyway, spending the rest of my living yrs, in hell!!! I've destroyed the happy years as a wife, for my husband..and a mother to my son, Bryan...I would rate myself, a 100% in doing what a mother's expectations are, but a 20% in being a happy mother, who concentrates, only on him....My heart breaks to think that they are stuck with me...The wife and mother they once knew ,is gone forever!!!!

Shirley, I'm glad to hear that you have the opportunity to see your grand-daughter..I can understand how heartbreaking it must be for you to hear her say, " she doesn't remember her father, since, you can never forget"!!! And as time goes by, they'll most likely be someone else that will take part of her life, if not, already!!! You'll always read about a murder that was brewing for a day, weeks, months by the person who committed the crime!!! " it's always, " OH and by the way" as they feed a fictitious story to the police, judge, paper, etc....For in their mind, " It's real and that's the way it happened"!!!So, it gives them the right to kill...How Sad!!! That's how my son's killer thought..she dreamt up, in her mind., something that took place and in reality, never happened....

I believe that the murder of our children has changed who we are forever. I know I'm not the same person I was and I know that most of the world cannot possibly understand what our lives are like. I couldn't be the mother my other children needed and that was very hard on them and me too. It's not that you don't love them but we are so broken and have been sapped of so much energy. I just wish this would go away but it doesn't. I guess we just learn to live with this but it is not a happy life. I hope someday I will be happier than I am now. I hope we all will be but at least we have each other.

Keara was also the mother of two children, my grandchildren. They live with their father, Keara's ex husband. He has been very good about letting me see them. My grandaughter Victoria looks so much like her Mom that it sometimes takes my breath away. It is so sad they don't have their Mom in their lives anymore. I try to see them as often as I can but now they rather spend time with their friends than Grandma. Love ya, Darien

Carolynn
I hope things turn out right for you, you and Kenny deserve the justice you are seeking I keep you and your family in my thoughts and heart.
Jim's Mom

Shirley,
Unfortunately, things couldn't have gotten any worse...well, they could, but I'm just trying to keep my head above ground...I'm not sure TRUE justice will ever be served in regards to my son, Kenny...It's an uphill battle that I'm ready to fight...I've been fighting 6 yrs..what's a lifetime?! It's for a wonderful, loving, heartfelt cause: KENNY...
How are you doing these days?
It's been one hell of a struggle for me, that seems to only get worse!!! Luv, Carolynn

Hi Carolynn
I am sure Kenny is so proud of you, We will never have true justice the only true justice would be if we had our kids back and we know that isn't going to happen. I tried to find out why the MOM wasn't charged but all I got was nothing.
This might sound crazy but I am sure the moms could understand, I have My Jim's car the tires were starting to get worn so I finally decided I needed to get new ones it made me so depressed to have to remove the tires he had on it. Then I didn't get the same type of tire and kicked myself all weekend. He had a low profile tire the ones I bought are not the same and I felt so bad. I like the new ones the car rides nicer and I know he wouldn't care. I don't know I just had a bad weekend. Am I crazy or what??
Hugs
Jim's Mom

Hi Shirley,
True Justice never will prevail for my son. Kenny...
No. you're not crazy in your thought and decisions regarding the tires for the car and how it's not completely the same ones that your son, Jimmy had on his car...As the years go by, things change ,even though we would like them to remain the same...( it can't/they won't) As a mum, I can relate to how you're feeling and cry ,if you have too...There's always that lump in our throats, that never goes away and always seems to choke us when we least expect it...Shirley, you know and I know ,it will NEVER get any esier for us...They were our sons...who we love and cherish with all our hearts and now they're gone...There is no text book on how to ease the pain when a child has been murdered...It's something that will never be answered, no-matter where we look. who we speak too or what documentary we watch on bereavement..Everyone, is different..what helps get me through the day, may not help you and vise vers..I know as a mother of a mudered son, I look for answers as to why this has happened to Kenny and myself....Is there a reason why God called him...Did I do something wrong to anger the Gods...At the end of all my questioning and thinking...There are no answers as to" Why"...We all grieve differently. but the one thing that we have have in common..We are the mothers of murder son/daughters who did not deserve to die..especially in the manner that they died in... A son/daughter is suppose to bury their parents..not the parents, burying their son/daughter.. "Life isn't fair..nor is it easy....but we persevere"!!!" we learned to get up, then we learned to put one foot and front of the other, we learned how to consume our days without really thinking...but the one thing we never learned ,is how to have a peaceful sleep" TTYS..love, Carolynn