WELCOME TO MOMS MESSAGEBOARD


https://www.facebook.com/MOMS-Mothers-of-Murdered-SonsDaughters-204883439

You can find on Facebook at:

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

Messageboard is back up, please join other moms on the messageboard.

-->
WELCOME TO MOMS MESSAGEBOARD
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
View Entire Thread
Re: Missing my son, Kenny

It's been awhile since I was last here..Nonethelsee, it hasn't/nor will get any better...I keep playing back, even after all these years, what my son must of been thinking, how he was suffering and I wasn't there as nis mohter to tell him how very much I love hime and that I have always been proud of him, no matter what!!!As far as the police behing held liable at Wal-mart when they encountered my son with Sheila and walked away from them both as she helped put my son in her car, because he couldn't walk..The Superior Court ruled in their favor, stating the police acted in good faith..That alone put a knife in my heart and when it was given to the Supreme Court with pictures and statements fron all of the wal-mart employees who had seen my son and told the police, "this man needs to be taken to a hospital" now, he's been badly beaten, poisoned, burnt..they too ,decided to drop the case... It sickens me to see how the police can be held criminally responsible but the court systems sides with them...It's all a conspriracy to protect their own..They are crooked police and crooked legal system!!!! I've been told more than once, when a TV Reporter or Newspaper here's the word police involvment..they too turn a deaf ear....Is there no one out there that has the balls, otner than myself, to go up against the system to help shed light on their cover-ups. In court I heard the police underoath state that the tape that played Sheila accusing my son of horricic things and in the end he's vomitting and fainting.(the police was listen to this tape being played that night, for some reason when it was time to put it into eveidence....( they lost it) out of 364 tapes they lost that one....BUT when an Fbi Profiler was doing a doctumenatary, he had that lost tape and played it on TV...GO Figure...You can't fight this twisted legal system...They go out of their way to cover up the wrong being done to another human being and themselves....No conscience!!! I hope they are haunted for life!!!

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Carolyn,
I just wanted to say how sorry we are for your loss. This site is one where you will find mothers who truly understand and can feel your pain. Many of us, including ourselves, never got the chance to say goodbye to our children...just the phone call. You even had your right to bury your child taken away. We all have many things in common besides the bond that our children lives were taken at the hands of another. I understand how you were failed as our beautiful 18 year old daughter--Lisa Maas-- was stabbed to death by a stranger who sent out red flags for a period of at least 10 years with many of those flags being threats to kill. His threats were ignored. Even now our oldest daughter HAD an abusive boyfriend and when she decided it was enough the State Police refused to press anything more than harassment against him despite the fact that he not only threatened to kill her but tried to strangle her. Harassment...a summary offense punishable by $100...I am sure that is some deterent and now we monitor her every move to make sure he doesn't return to get another $100 worth. They are truly pathetic excuses for human beings too lazy to do the job you so correctly stated...To Protect and Serve. How well we can relate to how you are treated when you try and make them do their job..my daughter was told If you are trying to get him thrown in jail or your mother is coercing you into this that isn't going to happen and you are only a victim if you want to be one. I never realized that any of us or our children signed up for the victim of the month club and checked the murder box. I am rambling which we all do her now and then but wanted to let you know you are not alone and when you feel like pulling the covers and fading come on the message board and reach out as we are always here for you. We have a chat room and even have a blog Journey of a Murdered Angels Mother which we encourage all Moms to post on so we may share our stories and our angels with others. Take care and know we are always here for you. Laura & AV

Re: Missing my son, Kenny-

Thank-you and I too am so sorry for your loss...It's so heartbreaking when we, as parents try to protect our child and the authorities, turn their backs..I really do think they should all be taught, LISTEN and HEAR what the child's parents has to say, "for if anyone, they would know when the law should intervene".My son not only was giving, but he had a learning disability. He was socially inept... He thought everyone was to be believed and no-one would would ever hurt him intentionally...I called the police almost everyday...I even asked them to take me to her house, so I could get my son and they said, no, they couldn't do that...Have you ever heard such nonesense!! This women was EVIL and she set out to destroy me, figuring I would give up....for that's what she did to other parents in the past and they stopped...She even told my son, that I didn't realize who I was dealing with and she will kill me if I continued harrassing the police- to put a stop to her...My heartaches for my husband and son will never have the wife/mother they knew before the murder...I've changed and truly, I don't like who I've become...Nothing seems to faze me anymore..No-one can hurt me or destroy me like she did..and as for the police...they all should take a good look at themselves and ask, MY God, what have I done!!! We made an innocent boy, go to his grave, and we also, destroyed his family, forever!!! There should be laws that protect the victims and their family not the person, committing the crimes..I learned that the hard way, when it came for her trial. For 6 weeks I had to sit there and hear these horrific things she said about me, my son and what she did to him. I couldn't say or do anything,for I would be thrown out of court, yet she could yell, swear and stare at me, and nothing would be done, except, maybe, take a small break so SHE could REGAIN her composure!!! I promised my son, twon things, I would make sure she goes to prison for life and I would go after the police for their neglegence in helping him...Again, thank-you ever so much, for reaching out to me..you see, I have no-one to talk to who would understand or just listen ,when I do ramble on..I've lost my reason for being here...he needed me, and I couldn't help...He died a horrible, horrific death and I couldn't protect him or cradle him in my arms...For that, I will always hate myself....

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Carolyn,
We all know the guilt and hate that fills are hearts. My mind tells me that I did all I could and I couldn't protect Lisa always but my heart tells me otherwise..that I have failed her. I asked my counselor if that ever goes away and she just looked at me knowing that I already knew that answer as my counselor is also a mother of a murdered daughter. Now she counsels others so they can actually talk to someone who knows exactly what they are going through. In her daughters memory she is helping others with the new life they now have. We all know that life pales in comparison to the life we had before and how true that our spouses, mates, children, siblings, etc. have lost that person that they loved so much--their mother. I cannot change back to the person I was before we had Lisa's life taken away or ever repair my heart but I can vow to do something I know Lisa would want just as you have for Kenny. One of those things is that I will not give the murderer anymore than he has already taken by taking Lisa (and the parts of our hearts that left with her). What is left with us I will not give to him and part of Lisa is with me as well as the rest of my family and that is ours to keep. I refuse to give him anymore although it is a daily stuggle and sometimes hourly stuggle. We read Kenny's story and watched the interview you gave and our hearts ache for you as you must deal not only with the horrific loss of your son but the failure of those who our tax dollars pay to do their jobs so pathetically. Then the "Injustice System" which my counselors tells me Why do you think they call it the Criminal Justice System? Do you see your name in there anywhere? It is not a system for you but one that is based on 300 year old laws set in place to protect criminals which it is doing just perfectly today! Ironic that is the only thing they do manage to get right is how to protect those that take so many from our society that could have made a difference and leave us with the most evil foul creatures that do nothing but take our tax dollars. Here I go again....I just wanted to let you know we are always here for you and how sorry we are for the loss of Kenny and hope you are able to hold ALL those responsible for his horrific murder. Laura & AV

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

I am telling you we need to do a Cindy Sheehan and congregate across the street from some officials place and get the medias attention so we can tell them OUR story of how the justice system fails us and we just hear, "It's the best we have but it isn't perfect." Well it needs changed and it is not being done. No one listens to us. We are treated like we did something wrong. I just get so ****ed mad about the whole thing. None of us wanted this and they could at least listen to us instead of blow us off. THEY didn't know them at all so what makes them an expert on our children and on telling us what is true about them? As for your oldest daughter Laura. Maybe the police need reminded of the lady who tried to get help from her abusive husband and he stabbed her right in front of them. They are lazy and the good one are few and far between. They just want to write tickets and collect overtime and go home. They don't want to get justice because it takes too long. I hear, "It isn't like it is on TV" Well I say take a lesson from tv then. I'd rather have Lily Rush or the CSI teams on my case.

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Carolynn
I don't have much to add to what Laura and Kim have said I agree fully with what they have said. I just want to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I say our justice system needs to practice preventive maintenance lock these losers up the first time for the rest of their lives that way they won't have the chance to do it again.
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Dear Carolyn
I am so very,very sorry for your loss and the way your precious son Kenny died at the hands of this monster.I am so glad that she was put away and want to offer my services if their is someone in particular that you are going after in the police department who neglected your pleas.Possibly a letter written on your behalf stating your concerns and how they were neglected.I like to think that angels carried Kenny away before he felt any pain. Try to get the picture out of your head of what this animal did. I beg you to picture that instead dear Carolyn.You sound like a battered woman,who continues to beat herself up.You tried to intervene, hold onto that.You were a good mother, try to hold onto that.You succeeded in your promise to Kenny to put her away,hold onto that.I wish I could wipe your tears away but know that I'm sending you big (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) as are all the MOMS here and try to hold onto that.Love and God Bless You

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Kim,
The only thing wrong with your so called "bad poetry" is that it is true! And we are the ones broken or as Bette said when they killed Timmy the killed her entire family just as all of us are dying inside.

Carolyn you have so many thoughts, questions, experiences,etc that we all have in common. We are trying to write a book for awareness so those who still have their "happy family" and lives can at least try and understand what we are going through. We have a blog Journey of a Murdered Angels Mother and would like to invite you as well as all the moms to post some of your thoughts on their so we may get a diverse collection. All the murderers have books written about them and I see Kenny's killer is no different having at least two about the evil person that she is. That is what this world is becoming so much more and more. Greed and evil are overtaking it and the good people are being taken out of it at a faster and faster rate. I too question what I believe and my faith. The minister that spoke at Lisa's funeral told me the evil of this world took Lisa and this was not God's doing. But I too wonder why he didn't intervene but I do have to believe in one thing. That when Lisa's died that she did not die alone and was surrounded by angels to escort her to her next destination in the spiritual world. Because if I didn't have that to believe in then I would have nothing. Luv you all and hope we can see more moms on the blog...and write our own book instead of reading about all the evil coward b@#$@#ds in this world.
http://journeyofamurderedangelsmom.blogspot.com/
Once again the sign in is mylilwheezie@roadrunner.com and password missnrangels.

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Matthew 10:37
"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me."

Hi Moms,

For what is it worth one of my supervisors told me that until I release Lisa back to God I will always have the pain in my heart. That until I put God first and not the loss of my child (or the notion that I must be more religious so someday I can again be reunited with Lisa) that then and only then will the pain be released. It is a very hard concept for me to follow especially seeing as this supervisor still has his family members but from things I have learned in the past I did understand what he was telling me. I at this point cannot do that and the pain is killing me as I know it is so many of us. Perhaps if there is someone out there that can relate to this or has been able to do this they could share with us.

Luv ya all....Laura

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

This is such a sad post. So many of us in so much pain. Asking questions that we know we will never get the right answer for. Trying to figure out why God would do this to us, why would evil enter our lives nd kill someone we love so much! I wish I knew the answers as I read each and everyone's post here I say the same exact thing to myself. Each one of you said the things I say all the time, and how each of us lose people we once cared about, how in the supermarket they turned away when they saw you! I've had that happen, I knew they saw me but pretended that they didn't so I just would pretned I didn't see them either. Or how friends that used to call me don't. How I lost a b/f of 10 years who is now LIVING WITH ANOTHER woman wiht a child, who I just found out about and I know **** well that this just dind't happen over night when we were emailing each other or he'd buy me perfume just past March and he lives with the person since may? when all these years I wanted to do that combine our family but not he couldn't handle the boys, but yet here he is with someone with a kid. Oh believe me I sit and wonder WTF did I do wrong all the time, and why am I being punished over and over again, tha I know I'm a good person or try and be the best person I could be so why do these things happen? Why did my son get killed he was a good kid, why are my boys suffering thru anguish now and probably will never have a good life and will live with this pain much longer than I wll have to and it saddens me to see them try and grip onto what little they have left to grip onto. As I sit and watch my life fall apart and be just filled with containt despair,anguish and sadness, and my boys have to live with me who can't help them anymore because I am completely drained of life, how they are falling apart in front of my eyes and I try an dhelp but only make things worse and how I can't understand why they do some of the things they do knowing how much pain I'm in and tyring to explain to my sons do you see what you are doing to yourselves? to me? but is this their fault? I can't answer that because I see myself in the mirror and I dont'even recognize ME anymore, there is a different person standing there. Is this what they are going thru too? fighting their own demons, seeing their mother falling apart each day, and that is why they do what they do? So many questions, so little answers. I never ever in my life thought that I'd ever go thru so much pain or sadness. I remember before seeing news about people getting killed and I would think how sad that is how terrible this family must be going thru, and then it happens to me and I sit and say OMG was I so blind?? Why oh why are there some people who go thru life and everything is good, they have good jobs, good cars, nice houses, kids in college, happy families. And me, huh??? is that selfish or what? yes I know it is but I wonder why I have been brought so much pain and sadness and feel like my life is nothing anymore and the only reason I go on is the believe that I will see Timmy and to be there for my boys but I really have not much left of me to give. I get up each morning thinking here we go another day of pain, another day to be sad. and wonder why me? why you? why do we as moms have suffer this pain? I always know that in my heart my mom's here are the only people who understand what I truly am going thru. You all have been my life support I don't know what I would ahve done without any of you in my life right now and maybe God did send me this way, I can hope that in my heart he knew I would need you all. Because I don't believe it was God that took Timmy away from me, I bleieve it was the evil in those two men who took life as nothing, who hated a man so much because of his color and decided to kill a young boy because he "just happened to be there' a "casualty of war" it makes me sick. I see all your stories and think how can this happen to these beautiful babies? our angels? I will never understand. I wonder when I will stop trying to figure it all out? I don't beliee I will ever stop trying, I have been one that always was able to "fix" things, make things right, help others, and now I'm sitting here and I'm "unfixable" I can't help my sons, mom is supposed to always be able to fix things, now mom can't do anything but cry.

Well enough of my rambling. I just had to post and say how sad it all is and i wish I could take all our sadness away. If I had one wish I'd wish for all our children to be back home with each of us moms. And happy filled lives.

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Dear Kay
I'm not sure if what you posted using the url was your professor, who had a lecture and you were a part of his class or what but I found it very interesting.I would like to thank you for posting it and also congratulate you on going back for your bachelor's degree.
Also thanks for the tip about the Old Testament( as the Christians call it) really being called the Written Torah in the Jewish faith.Do you know if the material in it is the same or different? Just so I don't make that mistake again.
I hope you come back on forum again soon,it sounds like you have a busy schedule but it was great to hear from you.Love Always and God Bless

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Carolynn
I saw the program watched it a couple of times, I couldn't believe the police didn't do something at the Wal Mart store it didn't take a brain surgeon to see your son was in trouble and needed help. I am so very sorry for your loss. You are right about our injustice system,,,,,
Hugs Jimmy's Mom

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Thank-you, Jim's mom,

The police were so, not doing their jobs, when it came to my son and the she devil...I've been told from a very good source, that the police were afraid of her and the damage she could do when provoked...They knew first hand how evil she was ,when they were called to her home by the she devil herself, they wouldn't go there, (to her house) unless there were 2 police officers present...I've learned over the years, " I csn't fight city hall" but I'll go to my grave fighting for my son....he deserves that...The lawyers that were involved in my son's case were useless..It seens like everyone, especially in the beginning, promises the world and in the end, only gave me more heartache to go along with the heartache and emptiness I was already feeling...
We live in a sad, sad world, where justice, doesn't prevail...Only to the rich and famous..One rule for the rich and an all together different rule for the rest of us....HOW SAD...
Please let me know, how you're doing ???

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Carolynn
I have seen so many moms here going through crap with the justice system it breaks my heart for them. Everyone involved in my son's case (with exception of the chief of police in our town) worked very hard to make sure justice was served for my Jimmy. The little freak that murdered my son was sentenced to 40 to life + 8 years, but his mother who was involved was never charged with a thing and that just wasn't right. No matter what the outcome True Justice will never be served for us because our kids are still gone forever. I think about my son every minute of every day wondering what he would be doing now, what he would look like now. Sometimes the flash backs that make me cry, yesterday a memory hit me that actually made me smile, my son wasn't afraid of much of anything but his girlfriend's driving almost every time they went any place and she drove he would come tell me how bad she scared him. And this was a guy who would do 120 mile per hour wheelies on his motorcycle.
I am glad to see you here again I have thought about you often and wondered how you are doing. When I saw the program about Your Kenny I just couldn't believe anyone could do to him what was done, he seemed to be such a gentle guy. I think if the she devil hadn't been arrested for Kenny's murder she would still be there murdering young men. There are some very sick people out there I just wish they hadn't crossed our children's paths.
Hugs
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Shirley,
I was wicked hesitant on coming back ,because when I first went onto this sight, I had no idea it would be posted for everyone to see...I always thought it was a sight for parents who lost a child...I was bull****!!! When I wrote, they were a my inner thoughts to another mother, who lost a child that might be thinking along the lines that I was thinking and more important, they could help me in my time of need..Truly, I did feel betrayed, for I was told that it was sight for grieving parents..I never once imagined, anyone and their brother could read it!!! So I left!!! However, I have no-one to turn too/write, and in the end, I would have to say, " this is the best place"..I have and never will have anything to hide..and if for any reason someone were to read what I wrote and got offended, " Oh Well" that's life!! I too, think of Kenny, every second, minute, hour of everyday..He is always close as hand!!!! I understand what you mean when you say, " You stop and try to think after all these years, what he would look like" I too, BUT, Kenny will stay the same in my mind, what he looked like before his murder...Handsome, Kind, Gentle young man, that wouldn't hurt a fly ..with his big, beautiful smile that always lit up my heart... The mans - mother , who murdered your son, since she was part of Jimmys murder, should of been sent to prison...But her prison now, is never having her son at home with her..Still, as a mother of a lost son, never good enough..I believe in eye for an eye!!!! If I believed in vodoo dolls, I would have them all lined up with their names on them and torture each and everyone of them on a daily/hourly basis..lol A mother is a protective mother, even when her son/daughter is murdered...I've become more protective now, than I was then!!!
The picture of your son you have posted, "he's handsome"!!!! " They say what goes around,& praying...I would get absoulute pleasure hearing those involved- who chose not to help my son, have come apart at the seams!!! :-) :-) That how my life has been!!!! Horrific!!!!

Smiles and Hugs to you,
Carolynn

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Carolynn
I feel the same way about Jim for me he will always be 32, he had a great smile too and a laugh that would infect everyone around him. Thanks I think Jim is pretty handsome too,, takes after his MOM LOL.
I like the idea of voodoo dolls if it would really work I would have a few myself. can you just imagine the fun we could have LOL. I was told the mother would get no more than about 18 months in prison guess it wasn't worth the effort for our county to prosecute her. But you are right she is in her own prison and she created it.
I wonder if the police officers look back and think they should have done something or if they truly feel they were right with the decision they made. With the outcome I don't see how they could. Evidently the courts did you know what they say justice is blind. Seems it was blind to this for sure!
HUGS
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Shirley,

Hmmmm. I don't think the courts were blind> I think they just didn't want to go against the police dept. because there are lies and hidden secrets, amongst those idiots... As I mentioned, they knew how evil the she devil was ,but were wicked scared of her!!!! As for having any guilt in the after thought and the horrific outcome..No...in their own little minds they've convince themselves, they were just!!! I know if I worked for that police Dept..I would of gone after Kenny and his safety. first...No-one, not even the Chief would help him...The Chief knew how wrong those 2 were, but if he did anything, he would of been opening Pandura's Box!!!! I pray each and everyday, none of them, every has a moment of rest ...EVER...I want them to be haunted by the pictures they saw of Kenny, and his murder and how he was murdered...They all, but one ,have children, how would they feel if a police dept. didn't act and this happen to theirs!!!

TTYS..Carolynn...:-)

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Guess I should have said the justice system turned a blind eye to the police dept. so as not to see the wrong in their decision to not help Kenny. It is just so sad breaks my heart for you.
The POS that murdered my son was at a pizza parlor about 1/2 block from my house he and his mother had been there for hours drinking, he was trying to get guys to go to Jim's house with him, he even showed the gun to one guy, I think if someone had called the police just maybe my son would still be here. The guy he showed the gun to did go by Jimmy's but he wasn't home. My son was Christmas shopping for me and his little girl, his car was parked at my house. I believe with all my heart that when he left my house drove past the pizza parlor the POS and his mother followed My Jim to his house. Couldn't prove that so couldn't say his murder was premeditated he was charged with 1st degree murder was convicted of 2nd degree. Guess it didn't matter because the Judge added a life tail to the sentence and that means he will spend the rest of his life in prison. But as you know it's never enough.
Hugs
Jim's mom

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hey Shirley,

OMG...I didn't know he had a little girl..how sad is that!!! Why did the low life, kill your son? Did they have words, disagreement or was it for the thrill, just to kill and let's see who's it's going to be that I do it too?!
Ohhh...Christmas Season..it must be so hard for you, now, to enjoy that time of year...What comes over people when they drink too much...All of a sudden,they either become that evil inner person that isn't there ,when not drinking, or the other spectrum...Lovable... Drink and drugs, equals the death of a person, whether they know them or not.... How many times to you hear/read about it, that a person was so strung out on drugs/drink that they ended up killing a friend/someone they didn't know...
I know for myself that the holiday season are so very hard to do, but do them, I must..For you, they must be unbearable!!!! I'm so,so sorry for you and his little girl..How old is she now and does she understand and know what happened to her father??? As parents of murdered son/daughter, we continously play back all the took place in our heads and think, "well if this/that didn't happen he/she would be here right now to enjoy their lives...a life that shouldn't of been cut short"...They didn't deserve it..as parents, we don't deserve it!!!! I know for myself.I'm living in hell without my son, when I don't think it could get any worse, it does!!! Do you get to see your grand-daughter???? When i read your reply, I can feel your aching feeling and the sadness you have...That will never diminish, I guess. ..it's a aching,void, emptiness we'll always have...TTYS..Love, Carolynn

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Yes, My Miss Sandra she is now 10 I have court orderded visitation one weekend a month. As long as her mother's family keeps their nose out of it Sandra's mom and I get along pretty good. Sandra told me last weekend she sure wished she could have known her dad longer because she doesn't really remember him. That broke my heart.
The thing started with my son and his killer at a bar three nights before, again he and his mother were drunk my son was in the parking lot the girl he had been seeing started an argument with him, the mother of the POS saw the argument going on ran up behind My Jim jumped on his back he threw her to the ground got in his car and left. When her son came out of the bar she told him the police and anyone else that would listen My Jim had beat her. Now isn't that a reason to go to some one's house kick their door then shoot them point blank in the chest. As my son turned ran to his room the POS put five more rounds through the bedroom door at chest level. In court he tried to say that Jim was beating his mother that is why he shot him defending his mother, then said Jim shot at him first. My son never owned a gun in his life always said he had no use for one. not saying Jim was some kind of an angel cause he wasn't but he was a good guy always sticking up for the underdog. And he loved his little girl he went through hell to get 1/2 custody he missed out on two years of her growing up because his ex kept taking off with her. Finally after all the court battles and jumping through every hoop that was thrown at him he got 1/2 custody. Then one year later was murdered. Christmas doesn't do a thing for me anymore I use to love it now I dread the Month of Dec. Holidays are just so hard for us all missin our angels.
Hugs
Jim's mom

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Carolyn, I'm not sure if you remember me but we talked on the phone. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I definitely know how you feel. On April 5th Keara will have been gone for 6 years. Sometimes I just can't believe it still. We are so wounded I think. Our children are part of us and now they are gone. I don't know if the pain will ever go away. It's hard to have such evil in our lives. I am so glad that we have this place to go to and talk to other Moms who understand.

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

To Keara's mom,
Yes, I do indeed remember you and talking to you on the phone....Kenny and your daughter have been gone the same amount of time, 6 yrs...Kenny's last day was March 21st...So true, it never get's any easier....Loosing a child to murder, is for me anyway, spending the rest of my living yrs, in hell!!! I've destroyed the happy years as a wife, for my husband..and a mother to my son, Bryan...I would rate myself, a 100% in doing what a mother's expectations are, but a 20% in being a happy mother, who concentrates, only on him....My heart breaks to think that they are stuck with me...The wife and mother they once knew ,is gone forever!!!!

Shirley, I'm glad to hear that you have the opportunity to see your grand-daughter..I can understand how heartbreaking it must be for you to hear her say, " she doesn't remember her father, since, you can never forget"!!! And as time goes by, they'll most likely be someone else that will take part of her life, if not, already!!! You'll always read about a murder that was brewing for a day, weeks, months by the person who committed the crime!!! " it's always, " OH and by the way" as they feed a fictitious story to the police, judge, paper, etc....For in their mind, " It's real and that's the way it happened"!!!So, it gives them the right to kill...How Sad!!! That's how my son's killer thought..she dreamt up, in her mind., something that took place and in reality, never happened....

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

I believe that the murder of our children has changed who we are forever. I know I'm not the same person I was and I know that most of the world cannot possibly understand what our lives are like. I couldn't be the mother my other children needed and that was very hard on them and me too. It's not that you don't love them but we are so broken and have been sapped of so much energy. I just wish this would go away but it doesn't. I guess we just learn to live with this but it is not a happy life. I hope someday I will be happier than I am now. I hope we all will be but at least we have each other.

Keara was also the mother of two children, my grandchildren. They live with their father, Keara's ex husband. He has been very good about letting me see them. My grandaughter Victoria looks so much like her Mom that it sometimes takes my breath away. It is so sad they don't have their Mom in their lives anymore. I try to see them as often as I can but now they rather spend time with their friends than Grandma. Love ya, Darien

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Carolynn
I hope things turn out right for you, you and Kenny deserve the justice you are seeking I keep you and your family in my thoughts and heart.
Jim's Mom

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Shirley,
Unfortunately, things couldn't have gotten any worse...well, they could, but I'm just trying to keep my head above ground...I'm not sure TRUE justice will ever be served in regards to my son, Kenny...It's an uphill battle that I'm ready to fight...I've been fighting 6 yrs..what's a lifetime?! It's for a wonderful, loving, heartfelt cause: KENNY...
How are you doing these days?
It's been one hell of a struggle for me, that seems to only get worse!!! Luv, Carolynn

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Carolynn
I am sure Kenny is so proud of you, We will never have true justice the only true justice would be if we had our kids back and we know that isn't going to happen. I tried to find out why the MOM wasn't charged but all I got was nothing.
This might sound crazy but I am sure the moms could understand, I have My Jim's car the tires were starting to get worn so I finally decided I needed to get new ones it made me so depressed to have to remove the tires he had on it. Then I didn't get the same type of tire and kicked myself all weekend. He had a low profile tire the ones I bought are not the same and I felt so bad. I like the new ones the car rides nicer and I know he wouldn't care. I don't know I just had a bad weekend. Am I crazy or what??
Hugs
Jim's Mom

Re: Missing my son, Kenny

Hi Shirley,
True Justice never will prevail for my son. Kenny...
No. you're not crazy in your thought and decisions regarding the tires for the car and how it's not completely the same ones that your son, Jimmy had on his car...As the years go by, things change ,even though we would like them to remain the same...( it can't/they won't) As a mum, I can relate to how you're feeling and cry ,if you have too...There's always that lump in our throats, that never goes away and always seems to choke us when we least expect it...Shirley, you know and I know ,it will NEVER get any esier for us...They were our sons...who we love and cherish with all our hearts and now they're gone...There is no text book on how to ease the pain when a child has been murdered...It's something that will never be answered, no-matter where we look. who we speak too or what documentary we watch on bereavement..Everyone, is different..what helps get me through the day, may not help you and vise vers..I know as a mother of a mudered son, I look for answers as to why this has happened to Kenny and myself....Is there a reason why God called him...Did I do something wrong to anger the Gods...At the end of all my questioning and thinking...There are no answers as to" Why"...We all grieve differently. but the one thing that we have have in common..We are the mothers of murder son/daughters who did not deserve to die..especially in the manner that they died in... A son/daughter is suppose to bury their parents..not the parents, burying their son/daughter.. "Life isn't fair..nor is it easy....but we persevere"!!!" we learned to get up, then we learned to put one foot and front of the other, we learned how to consume our days without really thinking...but the one thing we never learned ,is how to have a peaceful sleep" TTYS..love, Carolynn