I have only begun walking this road that some of you have been on for so long and this thread says it all to me. I am also feeling the same things conveyed here by you all and it has only been three weeks since I lost David. I am beginning to see that things really never will be normal again. You know that I guess - in reality. But I still feel like he will text me, call me, or walk through that door any minute and it doesn't seem as though that will ever change. I wish there was a majic trick that could help us all! My best to you and my heart aches for you. I will be sending love and prayers your way. They say, and I have always lived by the manta of: everything happens for a reason. I can't see what the reason is for any of this! Usually one comes into sight - not this time. The murder - this taking of young lives from people who love them so much - accident or on purpose - stupidity rules in some of these situations (as mine) - and with much purpose (as with the murders of other children) - all is so evil, so unforgivable, how do you go on when you cannot find any spot of your heart to be forgiving? How do you not have "fantasies" about what you want to happen to the god awful person who played God and took your child's life in their hands? Are these questions that can ever be answered for any of us?