Hi Gretchen...
every time I see a new Mom here it is so heartbreaking...we all know this path of incredible pain and challenges you have joined us on because of someone else's choice of taking your child's life.
When I was told of my son's death I lost complete bladder control,for 5 weeks I wore a diaper and wasn't sure if it would stop...it did until 10 months later as I faced my son's killer/father as he got away with murdering my son. Now I just feel like it might happen sometimes...it's a barometer of my pain along with the bouts of depression which are so painful but do go away...thankfully. Ironically no one understands that either...they think I do it to myself I think.
Barb is so right...somehow we go on...I call it Trying to accept the unacceptable...it's so hard. How do we accept what should never have happened...I too get up every day and end with Chris on my mind...I just miss him more and more...we say no one understands our pain and that's true...but I know my boy would have been most empathetic and it just makes me feel more alone at times.
But I continue to look for the goodness and love in life as I honor the gift of being his mom...I cry for him every day...I miss him so and that I will do for the rest of my life...my happiness was very important to him so I try......
I think you know what you need to know...I understand not wanting to be part of all the details...I chose not to see my son, I couldn't...I didn't think he'd want me to...I'm glad I made that choice.
The woulda,shouldas are hard but those thoughts lessen when you start to realise we weren't given the chance because of someone else's decision to take our child's life
I'm glad you found this sight there are many good ladies that share your pain and do understand
Love sent to you and your family

thanks lois, i am so glad i found this site and have you ladies to vent to, my husband tries but i really do believe it is different for the mother. thanks for your words of support. hugs to you.