Im not sure who actually wrote this but I got it a long time ago at a support group.
A BEREAVED PARENTS WISH LIST
1. I wish my child hadnt died. I wish I had her back.
2. I wish you wouldnt be afraid to speak my childs name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isnt because you have hurt me. My childs death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldnt "kill" my child again by removing her pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent isnt contagious, so I wish you wouldnt shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you:but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my childs death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldnt expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child untill the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover, I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.
10. I wish you wouldnt expect me "not to think about it" or not to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so dont frustrate yourself.
11. I dont want to have a "pity party." But I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
12. I wish you would understand how my life has shattered. I know its meserable for you to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say "im doing okay" I wish you could understand that I dont feel okay and that I struggle daily.
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I am having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I am quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to take it one day at a time is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that Im doing good to handle an hour at a time.
16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, its certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I have to get off. When I walk away I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before me shild died, and I never will be that person again.
18. I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you never understand.
That seems to pretty much cover everything!
Yup that's sure hit all the things I wish for!!!
Perfect. Thank you for this post. It succinctly states everything I want to say to my husband, family, friends. May God continue to be with us all.
This is my first ever responds to any message because my son was just killed on 1/25/2011 I don't feel like I can offer any words of importance yet. But what I can say is this wish list touched my heart and I thank you for posting it. I'm still numb but post such as A Bereaved Parents Wish List really helps. I pray for your family and can you please have LACEEY LOOK OUT FOR MY TYRELL, he very new up there in heaven.
Hugs & Kisses
Hi there. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am glad you found this website. It has helped me greatly to know there really ARE other people who are feeling the same as me. I am glad you liked this list. It sure seemed like I could have wrote it myself because of how dead on it was. That was why I wanted to share it with you MOMS. Your in my prayers. whenever you are ready to vent please do about anything.