This month's messageboard is sponsored by Bobbie Humphreys
in memory of her son Billy Lee Humphreys
There was a 2 spots I had to remove a sentence. One I did already but the other one I can't remember, but it was only a sentence. This was very hard for me to read for sure!!!!! Everyone was crying with me.
My name is Bette Clark and my son Timothy Clark was murdered on July 13, 2007. He was only 15 years old. It was a Friday the 13t5h. This past New Year’s Eve would have been his 19th birthday.
This statement is to let you all know how this terrible act has done to not only myself but, my family, his friends, his neighbors and his community. A young child filled with dreams taken so young for no reason. The pain this has caused all of us is unimaginable so hard to even put into words. I want to tell you about Timmy, he was a good kid, he loved to play football, jump on the trampoline with his friends, he liked chess and playing the piano. He always dreamed of being a quarterback in his school’s football team. Dreams he will never live to fulfill. He had told not only me, but many of his friends how he wanted to become a mechanic when he grew up, open up a shop with his friend and get married and have four kids of his own. How many teenage boys talk about having a family? I will never see those grandchildren. I will never see him grow up, learn how to drive, fall in love, get married. I can never see him outside throwing the football with his friends or help his neighbors in with their bags. Or play with the younger kids, tossing the football or playing street hockey.
His brothers will never hear his goofy laugh or hear his silly jokes. They miss him so much, I see my boys too young to live in such pain like this and to know they have this pain to live with for so much longer than I. They try so hard to be strong for me, but I know deep inside the pain they endure. I see it in their eyes, they try so hard not to cry in front of me, but how could they not? Timmy was their baby brother, they looked out for him, they were his protectors, he loved them with all his heart as they love him with theirs. He loved hanging out with his brothers, it made him so happy just to hang around playing video games with them or even just listening to music. That made him feel so grown up hanging with his “big” brothers! He loved animals so much we once had a dog, 2 cats, a guinea pig and fish all at one time. He didn’t hang on corners or walk the streets, he was a homebody. He’d rather hang out at home play Xbox, listen to music, he’d work out with his brothers friends who’d tease them because he could lift more than they could!
He loved being with his favorite cousin Dawn, they were more like brother and sister then cousins, she even named her first born son Timothy, in his honor. He loved his friends so much that he had to have sleep overs every weekend, I once joked with him that he was 15 years old that he was too old to keep having sleep overs and he replied I’ll stop when I turn 16. Well, never in my life would I dream that he was right, but not by his own doing as he never lived to see his 16th birthday. I sit at home and I see his pictures and I cry and I ask why, God, why?? A question I know will never be answered and even if it were, I doubt the answer would be good enough to take away the pain I feel each and every day. I lock myself in the bathroom and cry so my other boys won’t see or hear me, I try to be strong for them but I know deep down that the pain is too deep. Some days I feel that I’m “normal”, but I know I’ll never be “normal” again, and then there are days that out of no where the pain is so unbearable that I fall apart in grief. For I miss my son, my baby, he was my baby boy and always will be. And he is gone and I’ll never see him again and that’s what hurts so much that I’ll never see my baby again.
I won’t hear his laugh or his poking me in the arm trying to get my attention, or his creeky knee coming up the steps. Those little things you never think of until it’s gone. I will never be the same, my family has been torn apart and a piece of each of our hearts has been ripped from us, never to return. Life for us will never be the same, life has become just getting thru the day, trying not to cry and pretending you’re ok, even when you’re not. Because deep inside me I feel this emptiness every second of every day and wait for the day that I lock myself in the bathroom and just fall apart. I pray each night and talk to my son and every night I cry, sometimes I can’t even pray because I know I’ll just start crying again. I ask God to let my son be my guardian angel and watch over me and his brothers and that I will see him one day again. I keep asking God was he scared, did he know, was he in any pain, what were his last thoughts, did he know how much I love him. I can only pray that he did, because I can never tell him how much I love him and how much I miss him. I miss his smile, those big blue eyes, his shyness. He was my buddy, we went everywhere together, to the stores, to the mall, out to eat. I miss all his friends at the house, the noise, I never thought I’d ever miss the noise, but the quietness just eats you alive. As I sit in my home that was once filled with friends and laughter I now sit in eery quiet and the pain the quiet brings can be deafening. I wish no mother would ever have to endure this pain as it is never ending. I miss Timmy so much, I just wish I could have him back, just one more hug, one more kiss, even just one more smile. This is my life now, a mother of a murdered child.
I'm sorry you have to write a statement like that, your beautiful child should be here with you. I know what you mean about the quietness, it's heart breaking. One day you'll see your precious son again.
I like your impact statement it is right to the point tells it like it is. I too miss my house being full of Jim's buddies they would all go riding then come back here to watch the video they had taken. They would get pizza and sit and crack up at the stuff on the video. I am glad all that trial stuff is over with for you. And I am glad those freaks are going away for the rest of their lives.
I know how hard that was to write and read.It is a beautiful tribute to your baby who def knew how much you loved him as you know how much he loves you.They can't take that away from you EVER!!!!!! When someone speaks from the heart there is no faking it.The message just reads loud and clear You want your baby back just one more time.Well Timmy was with you in that courtroom as he is with you now and he will never leave your side it is his assignment now to watch over you and his brothers.I know he will rise to the occassion gladly.Oh Bette can't you just feel him with you now? Go ahead Timmy squeeze her tight and while you'r at it give her one from me.Love you Bette God Bless