My daughter Josie was murdered on Oct 13th 2010. She just turned 19 on Sept 1st. Just started college. On Oct 13th she went to lunch with Raymond and he killed her. She still lived at home. I find myself lost. I have two other kids and a husband so I have to keep going. I am doing what needs to be done. But I'm so lost inside. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong and I'm doing great and there proud of me. But i'm not. I'm just good at faking it. I'm so confused. Inside I jump from one emotion to another. My husband and kids I think are doing the samething. Were a Marine family, we're suppost to be brave and strong.We're doing what were suppost to do, but its so unfair. We have alot of people trying to help but most time I'm the one having to comfort them. I keep thinking why are you allowed to break down and not us. Then i think how selfish that is. They loved her to and I hug them and tell them what thay need to hear. I have so much I need to talk about and express but I have no outlet. I know my family and freinds keep telling me there here for me but I don't want to add to there pain. I know some people say there here to listen but I started to open up a little a couple of times and I could tell it was to much for them so I shut down. i'm so depressed and I know the nightmare has just started. people think once they caught the guy it is over but I know its just the start. Oklahoma is a death pen state and so it could take two years to got to trial. Where do I go from here, how much more can I take before I break, how can I keep facing people? How can I do the holidays? Its so hard to just get dressed more less go on living day to day. I want to talk about my angel but how can I and still function? I just feel like my heart is broken.
Rae ( Josie's mom )
I am so very sorry for the loss of your angel Josie. Somehow we all find the strength to make it through I believe that is with the help of our angels. I wish I had answers for all of your questions, it will be three years for me next month and I still ask myself those same things. It has been such a short amount of time for you take some time for yourself and if need be get some meds I took Zoloft for the first year and that did help me through. This is a very long road and most of the time it is a very rough road, then we all have to learn to live with our new selves because we will never be the same person we once were. It's hard and painful just know you have all of us we will be here to listen and support you.