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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)
Well after reading about what nanci and her family went thru with the trial and then the sentencing, God Bless them!!! Now I have the awful fear of facing all this myself in just 3 weeks from today. I worry and worry about the whole thing in general. Facing those 2 again, not knowing what to expect, what I might hear and see, etc. Knowing my boys in pain going thru all this, I can't sleep it makes me sick to even think of this. Then the possibility of a delay or postponement as Laura/AV has to face, I don't know if I could bare anymore waiting. This lingers over me all day and all night. I know this will never bring any closure, but at least it will close a chapter of this nightmare we face. I am so scared and nervous and worried, I can't even pin point, it's just the whole mess. It scares me that I might not be able to be strong enough to stand through it or fall apart to pieces if it gets postponed. I just don't know if I can make it thru pretend to be strong when I know I'm not. I count down the days, each and every one of them. It's probably not a good thing to do, but I just can't help it, this awful feeling in my heart and my soul. I pray God to give me strength, I hope I can stay strong, I'm so scared.
You will be strong and you will stay strong. Here is a good saying that was used in a movie Starman that I believe should be one of our many mottos: You are at your very best when things are worst...It means we will find the strength and courage no matter how bad it gets. And as we all know we have lost/had taken from us the best thing in our lives...What could ever be worse than the day our beautiful angels were taken away by these cold blooded killers? We made it through that and we will continue to fight...WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!! Crazy Lady you hang in there...Luv ya and keep Timmy in my heart every minute of every day....♥
You will even surprise yourself at the strength you will have through trial, somehow it just comes from within. I am thinking it is because this is one of the few things we can do for our angels. You will stand tall for your Timmy and be his voice. And don't forget you have all of us we will be with you in spirit.
Dear Bette You are stronger than you think lady.Just keep remembering it's your and Timmy's turn now.Look how you've fought for him already.I know he is very proud of you.You are His voice.No one else can show that judge and jury how much Timmy was loved more than YOU.We are all behind you Bette as our children are all behind Timmy.Love and God Bless
Thanks guys, I just worry all the time and wonder if I can handle it, I'm not doing well now and to face all this with the holidays and birthdays, well you know!!! I was driving in my car today and thinking of him as I always do, thinking how much he sounded like Matt on the phone, or the other day Joe fell asleep on the sofa, and Timmy always fell asleep on the sofa, and I looked at him and thought OMG they look so much alike, I wanted to cry! I also thought that the trial of this police officer is going on and the jury is deadlocked right now they are in the penalty phase (he wound up pleading guilty right at the start of the trial) which is a good thing for me too, btw, we have same judge, and I though OMG what if they don't find a verdict in 3 weeks what happens then?? these thoughts I constantly go thru my head drives me crazy I am a total mess. I try and try and things are getting so overwhelming, I'm not focused and financially not doing well. so much, too much. I hope I can stand strong for Timmy and my boys, I knwow I have to, but doing it and knowing you have to are so far apart!!! Thanks for all the support you all have given me, I'd never have made it this far without my mom's.
It is understandable that you are experiencing all of those feelings. It definitely is a hard and scary time. I really hope there won't be any more delays but as we all know it can happen. I think that you will be able to get through this even though it might not feel like it. I am sending a lot of love your way.
I truly understand your feelings and anxiety, but don't ask me how or why but a sense of easiness suddenly falls upon you at the times you need it most. I know that sounds crazy (as we all are), but I noticed it most when I was reading my statement, it was as if I was saying F all of you I am going to read this without crying and with emphasis on the parts that needed to be emphasized. I will admit I was a bit of a mess at some parts of the trial especially when Shawna and Curtis were on the stand, and I even left during their cross examination from the defense attorney because there was no way in hell I could sit there and watch them be badgered.
Just know that somehow, someway you and your boys are going to get thru this and WE will all be with you.
Nanci I remember reading your posts each day and each time you guys went thru some awful ordeal during this heartbreaking time, it broke my heart reading it. I felt I just wish I could be there to hold your hands. I hope that I get that feeling too, like right now I'm so stressed out it's just my heart is constantly racing, I wake up like that and go to bed like that, I try so hard thru the day not to burst out into tears. My heart is so broken and just thinking of going thru this eats me up. I know that this is a chapter of this awful nightmare we all live in have to go thru I can close this once it is over but I know it will never be over, if that makes any sense. I dread this day coming it feels so close yet so far away, what a mess I am in. I get strenght from you all knowing I'm not alone thanks for being here for me. and you know I'll keep you all posted somehow!
Love you guys
KEEP U IN MY PRAYERS AS THE DAYS COUNT DOWN JOANN HUBERT MOM
13 days, I stopped posting this count down on facebook, I think there are spies. Can't go into it but I know things get back they always do. I am even afrain to post anything here.
Life is so not fair!!!
Bette, Just know you are loved and supported by many. Just know that you will find the strenght to make it through this, for Timmy and your other two boys. As mothers we are given that special gift and not even the death of our children can take that away from us. With love and light we have your back.
Thanks I know I need all the support I can get, and my mom's always come thru!!! I don't know how I'd have made it this far without my mom's. Knowing I'm never judged, always listening to my vents, or a shoulder for me to cry on, thank you for all being here for me. I know I'm falling apart and I know I can come here and say that without hearing some stupid remark from ppl who have no clue what we are going thru, even though I know they mean well. As it gets closer the sicker I feel.
I'm sorry it's so hard now. I'm thinking of you and all of the MOMS here and wish you all the nicest day possible in this life we now have.
I don't think anyone but us knows how very much we have been changed and what we actually carry with us losing our children so unfairly
much love Bette
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. But what Laura/AV stated is so true. Just hang onto what you said.
Thank you all for all the support you have given me!
I love you all you all hold a special place in my heart, always & forever!!!
Bette know that all of us moms will be by your side and all of our angels as well. If you need anything please let me know. Shirley is right I was amazed at the strength that I had during the trial.