Hello everyone. My name is Diane and my beautiful 18 year old daughter was just murdered at college two weeks ago. I really need help. I would like to know if its possible to survive this enormous pain and guilt that I'm still alive and Toni is not.
I just am in sooo much pain and sometimes denial, thinking this is a nightmare and I will wake up and she will walk in the door and say "hi mom!" My panic attacks are reliving the suffering sure endured. Yes, I have a therapist and psychologist. I can't even start thinking of her memorial yet because I am just not ready. Does anyone out there have any words of comfort for a newbie? I really need to talk to someone who is walking in my shoes.
We are so sorry about the loss of your beautiful daughter. So young and full of life taken away by such a cold evil monster. We feel your pain and while each of our angels were taken in different ways and circumstances the end result is the same. Our hearts broken, lives devastated and such pain no one will ever know the depth and constantness when you not only lose your child but at the hands of another. One thing I remember in the days that followed Lisa's death was I kept saying it is one minute at a time not one day due to the harsh reality of what our lives have become. We are all here for you and wished you would never had to look for our website but certainly are glad you found us. This is one journey that should never be traveled alone and no one will truly know what you are going thru until like you say they have walked in your shoes. Take care and know that your precious daughter Toni and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Laura & AV
First and foremost let me tell you that you have come to the right place, here you can let it all out and what ever feelings (or numbness) you are having someone else here is sure to have felt at sometime and will be able relate.
I wish I could give you a time frame for some of the feelings you are having, but unfortunately that doesn't exist, and that's ok, we are here for you. Don't expect too much from yourself, we here are proof that you can and will survive, once you get to know the "new" you. At times you will only be able to take one minute at a time and we have all been there no matter how long ago our children were murdered.
The comfort here is knowing each and everyone of us is here for you and you will be amazed how much that helps. Here u can talk about you or your daughter and we will listen. Try stopping by the chat, usually there is someone in there in the evenings, I don't get there much, but others do and they will welcome you, though we never like to see newcomers, because we know that raw pain you have, we will help you in any way shape or form we can.
You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Nanci/Travis Bestwicks Mom
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Toni and like Laura said this is one journey you shouldn't have to travel alone. We are all on different stages of this road but have all been right where you are now, I can tell you it does get somewhat better there are times we can even smile again. Like Nanci said don't expect to much from the new you it takes time to get to know that person looking back at you from the mirror. Just know we are here for you, you can vent to us all you need to we are the ones who do truly understand.
I'm so sorry for your loss. this is a wonderful place to be, you are not alone in your pain. We all know the feeling and please know that we understand. I lost my son who was 15 y/o 3 years ago, and I still cry every single day, I still cannot believe he is gone and I will not hear his voice or see those big blue beautiful eyes of his. We are all here for you.
Sending you lots of (((hugs)))
Hi Diane, I too am so sorry that your beautiful daughter was murdered.. You have come to a place where everyone understands the pain, horrer, and suffering you are experiencing. I wish that you didn't need to be here but since you do, you will find a group of wonderful caring women who can help you through this. I think it is really important to talk to those of us that really do understand. I am sending you lots of love. Darien
Dear Diane I too am sorry for the loss of your Dear Toni.If it hadn't been for this board I don't know how I would have survived.Thoughts,feelings and how I was reacting to certain situations confused me at times.Coming on the board and sharing those times with others in the same boat helped me tremendously.With the exception of an immediate family member,no one else will relate to your pain like another MOM.I'm sorry to report that the pain will last a lifetime,however the intensity of the first year will lessen somewhat and give way to finding beautiful ways to memorialize her thus helping you to keep your child close to you.When you think of her it will always be with tears but you will find a smile creeping up on you as you remember all the beautiful memories she has left behind. While this is a journey that we can all relate to,each situation is individual like Laura stated.I am sending much love to you and your family as you travel this very painful road.We are here for you.Love and god Bless
My heart goes out to your young daughter as well as your family. I remember hearing about your daughter, seeing her face just broke my heart, I am sorry.
My son was also 18-so young-shot and murdered in our home, the main place we feel safe and secure.
As far as this road you now face, only you will travel it in your way, in your own time and at your pace. There is no time limit involved, no way to know what's ahead as we are all very different individuals who grieve differently just like we love differently, hate differently, feel anger and sorrow differently. Please don't focus on that at the moment as you have enough on your plate as it is. As long as you are waking up every day you are surviving.
I'm so sorry you were forced on this road along with the rest of us, sorry you had to find us, but you will get support here unlike anywhere else.
Parents Of Murdered Children also offers support.
I am not one of the computer savvy types, but there are plenty of online support groups as well.
TCF - The Compassionate Friends
Bereaved Parents Of The USA
Hope this helps.
Be kind to yourself,
Diane...You are still in shock, be kind to youself. I'm sorry you have found us but we share the same pain and do understand tthe chaos you're feeling. When my son Chris was killed by his father as he rested, I was in diapers for 6 weeks my bladder control no more...there are still times I find I'm on that edge like now, 1 month until the 2nd anniversary of his murder and 3 months until his evil bitter POS murdering father is released...and I still can't believe this has really happened and then I do.
Alot of Love is sent to you...I'm sorry this has happened to you and your beautiful Toni
Hi, it was one month ago my 19 yr old daughter was killed. Josie also just started college and lived at home. I don't know if the pain ever ends but I just found this site and I hope it helps. My heart hurts for you and your pain, I do understand.