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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Will it ever end

It's been 15 months since my son was murdered. No one has been caught although, the crime was witnessed from afar. I can't express how this has ripe my life apart. I a shell of the person I used to be. I have been trying hard to get it together but I just can't seem to no matter how hard I try. I know there's a God however, my life is a shamble. I just pray that one day I can at least live without just feeling like I'm only existing. Shattered, torn, and broken without anywhere to turn. I've been running in circles,, feeling like I am being weightred down by a nuse around by neck that continues to drag what little life I have left within mw. Please pray for me, sometimes it is just so unbareable. But, I'm holding on by the grace of God. I don't know if they will ever catch the men responsible be killing my baby. All I do know is that I don't have the strength to fight or the will to allow this to total consume me. Ijust feel like it sucking the life out of me. And I know that no one really understands what I'm going through except those who are going through it like me. My prays go out to you all and God bless us all while we take this journey to try and find our way back to life. Sorry I haven't been chatting with you all in a while, AV I haven't forgetting about you and the calendar either. Please forgive me, I get it together soon I hope. It's just really hard. I have to go to work everyday and it really takes everything I got just to make it through the day, but I got to work. My number is still the same, call me anytime. Love you all will be in touch soon.

Re: Will it ever end

I am so sorry Audrey...my Chris will have been gone 2 yrs in Dec and no I don't think that pain will ever end, it seems to feel worse because we're always going to want to see them and have them here still.
A shell is pretty accurate but there is still so much goodness and love inside all of us because of our children's love. That's what I try and stay with...we all know how that LOVE stays with us.
Everything and anything I've done has been with Chris in mind...what he would want me to do.
And Chris was very clear what he wanted for me, for his sister. He wanted everything for us. As I wrote to that creepy judge hara Chris was happiest when others were happy.

Every step I've taken out my door has been with Chris's Love...I feel God lets him stay close because He knows how much I need him still. And of course I still have Aly here and her son Ezra. Her pain is doubled with losing the father she loved, she knows that "Pop" is gone forever and her worry for the safety of me, herself and her son when he's released Feb 6 2011 is starting to surface. She asked to read part of the police report for the first time yesturday. I think about that too but I think his goal has been met if anything maybe he will find another "suitable" rock wall...he did't think he'd have to face anyone....he does and their are alot.

So it is not easy and I don't really think it's going to get much easier. I just hope I can find ways to honor Chris everyday. I think of what Chris would want and continue to step out that door. Because that is what he wants me to do
Remember when we didn't know this pain.........
Sending you so much love

Re: Will it ever end

Audrey
I am so sorry for what you must be going through having the murderer still walking the streets. I hope the police have leads as to who did this and are getting closer to arresting them. I consider myself as one of the lucky ones because the POS that murdered my son will spend the rest of his life in prison I just wish all of you could have the same outcome. Having the murdering POS in prison for the rest of his life hasn't given me any piece of heart but it has given me some piece of mind.
Sending bunches of hugs
Jimmy's Mom

Re: Will it ever end

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be terrible not having anyone paying for thier crime. Even though we know there will never be justice for our kids really. I do hope tings get a little easier for you. I know its especially hard with holidays coming. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xoxoxo

Re: Will it ever end

I'm sorry they still haven't caught anyone. I also feel like a shell. It's been one month since my daughter was killed. i wish I could find the words to comfort you but i know there aren't. Just know you aren't alone.
rae

Re: Will it ever end

so sorry that u have to go thru this pain we r here for u sending my prayers joann hubert mom.