You are just too much Red!!!

you seem to be right on here. Alot of the kinds of thoughts that have been running through me as everyone else's day goes along as it should...how many times a day do I hear,"Family is great, my son's getting married, having a baby. So life is good"...yes their life is good...I remember when life was good even when it was not...now it's just not and I know it will never really be...even when it should.
My heart not only feels ripped out but pounded brutally beyond repair and shoved back in so infected with sadness healing is not even a hope.
To have to act to the world that all is well so they stay comfy and secure in their worlds. When you see every day they never really care about yours.
It is over for them.
My guilt that is way to present to summerise but yes I did not protect him. And that's what I truly have to live with...I did what I said I'd never...Oh my kids can go but I can't leave them...I left Hawaii and his father shot him 8 times as Chris lay on the couch...that's what I live with and I'm very sorry
I had to leave.
About God's Love it has to be here with us or how else would we continue...we may be the one set of footprint kind now.
sending love

Hey Red headed step child LOL that's cute.

When I read your post it made me think back too. I too had to work full time thru all my kids growing up. I missed out on so much of their childhood, and yes I did my best too to make things nice, trips to the beach, to the movies, to Florida, stuff like that but I remember days too that they were sick and I'd beg my sister to watch them because I could miss any time from work.

Now all that to me seems pointless. Yes I still have my job and thankfull for it believe me I raised my boys on my own, but I do wish that I was there more spending more of that time you spoke of, and just being there more, I remember days of teaching them to ride bikes, or Timmy trying to teach me how to roller blade LOL and tossing the football back and forth.

but I still feel that I wasn't there enough, just not enough time, It eats at me all the time.

Wow. What a tear jerker. I DO so much wonder where the love of God goes. I dont think there was a better place for Laycee than in my arms. It hurt me alot when people would say that she was in a better place. Thats something you say about someone who was already sick and suffering. Not a child who was taken painfully and violently. I have often asked God where he was that day when Laycee was being beat to death. Why he didnt save her life in the hospital? Why? It hurts that its been two years and most people just act like she was never here, like nothing ever happened. They have moved on but I never will. I am so thankful for you other moms who understand. It hurts to feel like shes been forgotten...

I just don't understand and never will why we were chosen to bear the burdens, pain and the loss of our loved ones. I wonder how much one should have to take and while I was raised that it is not for us question I can't help but keep saying, Why? Not only did we lose Lisa but my girls lost their father at a very young age. Now this week our good friend lost her 23 year daughter to a drunk driver...another beautiful young life taken at the hands of another. Our girls were very close to Magen and now they know what the road ahead is for her sister Jessie and they must endure more pain and yet another loss. That happened Monday night and while we were preparing to go to the funeral home Kelly got a phone call (she is a manager at Pizza Hut) that the head manager died last night at the age of 43 from a heart attack. Tuesday a young man of 23 that Melanie went to school with shot himself. You can now see why this week more than ever I am questioning: Where does the love of God go? It came from the song by Gordon Lightfoot The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald and refers to when the men knew that were going to die and it was only moments away when he says When the waves turn the minutes into hours....I can't get that line out of my head when I think of how many of our loved ones were in that same position knowing that they were going to die. It breaks my heart and makes me wonder how do you go on with such pain???? Luv ya all...Laura & AV

I am so sorry you are going through all of this new pain and sorrow. That you have to watch others you care for go thru their losses and to have it piled on top of yours.
I really don't know how we do it either
love to you guys

Dear Laura/AV and all you other beautiful MOMS
I think I have the answer to the question Does anyone know where the love of God goes?

It simply gets passed on to each and every one of you.

I think of it as a runner who passes the baton to their team mate in order to finish the race.It may not be a race that any of us wants to particpate in but none the less you need that team mate to carry on.My team mates have been all of you,I feel God passed you to me


I also believe that our children have a role they pass on

I think of Jimmy and Timmy and Keara who died before Nicky Were they there to pass the baton to Nicky as he died? Was Nicky there to pass it to Lisa,Kaylin,Chris,Kaycee and the others?

Do you all believe that your child is 6 ft under? I choose not to think of Nicky as being there but instead at the finish line with the trophy and a big celebration

I can either consider myself a loser or a participant.I must admit to all of you that I'm confused at which one I am right now.The sadness that accompanies each new story has been overwhelming depression for me.I want to be a baton holder but deep down most days I don't feel like I have enough energy to hold it anymore so I feel the need to pass to someone stronger.

Any way I just wanted to say that I feel the love of God in each and everyone of YOU.Love and God Bless


Laura/AV/Kelly/Melanie
I am so sorry that your friends have died.I know the heart can only bear so much sadness and all of our hearts have been broken in so many pieces already.I know that you will all be some comfort to the families as they will seek you out knowing you understnad their pain all too well.Love you guys

What kind and loving words to wake up to, I like your answer Barb. You seem like you are very much a participant in this life we have been forced to accept and you have to know we are stronger and more present tham most around us...we have no choice...we know. Loser never...we know we were the big winners. Our children existed and we know how beautiful and special they were. Their lights were bright. I am grateful for every day I had the privlige of Chris for my son and know I am the winner there, we all were. We were their Moms and that we remain as does there love to help us go on.
Love Chris's Mom

You see that is just it Barb and we were talking about that last night. And for us right now we are struggling with it because it seems death is surrounding us and that is the baton we seem to be passing. Our dear friend Sheila was close to both us and Magen's parents and I can't even imagine how she fears for her daughters life. The young people are just as terrified asking, "Who will be next?". I appreciate your support and comfort as well as all of the moms here. We will be going to the funeral today. They picked out a spot close by Lisa to keep our Angels together. Luv ya guys...Laura & AV

Once again the words Where does the love of God go I can't help but think of those that died not only us that are living.