So Bobbie's question about forgiveness really has had my attention...I'm sure you ladies must realize how forgiving we have all had to become...there are so many more deserving of forgiveness...I used to call them idiot's but I'm trying to be kinder and gentler so now they are doorbell's...like in ding dong dummy!!!
someone put a huge paper macheite shark around a surfer statue(Cali is way different) like Jaws coming to up to eat him. Huge attraction for the weekend, we woke up to it Sat morn.
The city had it down Monday morning...lots of noise about that...lots...I told one guy there was one family that probably was relieved to see it gone... a couple years ago their family member was attacked by a great white a couple miles from here ...he died. The guy this morning said that's what some one said on the radio and then he said "they need to lighten up" not..."Wow I never thought of it like that" and he said that to ME knowing of Chris's murder...very enlightened, present as we say.
What people really don't get is that the one of the 2 things that keeps me from tvand movies is violence. Murders are not entertainment at all. Kind of like the Jaws prank for that family because life is not the same anymore. I just wish he would have showed a morsel of care for their loss.
The second is heartwarming movies about fathers and sons...Chris really liked the Pursuit of Happiness with Will Smith...one of his favs...how sad
ANYway...people like that we can forgive all day long and there are many doorbells and worse doornobs to forgive in this new life, and we forgive ourselves as well...Win/Win.
The personal ones are harder...my family...God is teaching me some stuff which is good I guess.
I finally realized I had to forgive them for not keeping an eye on my boy for me...as I had asked. They had lives...too caught up in it or themselves it seems...but I know how much they loved Chris and we all have things or choices we wished might have been different...Chris wanted to come because of his Dad but I thought he'd be okay and convinced him to stay and get his last eye surgery...it was only another couple of weeks...and as I write I realize I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive myself for that.
Forgiveness...Chris and I talked alot about forgiveness. We spoke of how he had to forgive Randy for being such a dettached, unloving father. We thought he just didn't know any better. Chris told me how he knew how he had been screwed in the 'Dad Dept' he saw how other boys had it with a proud and loving father...Randy was Chris's worst critic when there was so much to be proud of in Chris his son...his 1st born...his daughter's brother.
When I think of my son safe at home, resting on the couch, his shock than helplessness as his killer began to pull the trigger over and over...What did my boy say to the evil before him...can't do it
I don't think evil is to be forgiven by us here on earth...as we say in Hawaii...not my kuliana(problem/responsibility)
Thanks for being out there for my ramblings.