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my heart is sad

hello my name is ursula and I am trying to find a group that I can relate too . Last year aug. 25th my 16 yr old son and my nephew went to he store on the corner and nether one of them made it home. I heard some gun shots and my whole spirit went numb. I as a mother knew that it was my baby. I waited a few minutes and called my nephew, when he didn't answer. I got in my car an went to the the scene of the incident I explained to the officers that I had though that this was my son and nephew he asked why I would think that and i explained that the had walked to this store and they had not made it home yet an that was not like my son to not go and come. that whole night I felt that god ws holding my hand I was the one that called to the hospital and said that they had just brought in my son, I was asked how do i know, My sprit was darken in these hours. I explained to her the clothes that he was wearing and she asked if I could get there as soon as possible. well it was as my spirt had spoke to me and now its a yaer and i am stll feeling the sadness in my spiritI have gone on as if things are ok but there are days when i want to loose my mind. thanks for the out let

Re: my heart is sad

Hello Ursula
I am so very sorry for your loss, you have come to the right place we can all relate to what you are going through. No one except another mom walking the same road will ever know or understand. I am not surprised that when you heard gun shots you just knew. My son came to my house and as he was leaving a feeling came over me I watched him leave and looked at the door even after he had gone feeling like something just wasn't right. Twenty minutes later I got a call from my oldest son telling me that My Jimmy had been shot.
We all put on our happy faces and try to make people think we are ok day after day, but we all know we will never be ok again.
I am glad you found us but so very sorry you had to search for a site such as ours.
Sending Hugs to you.
Jimmy's Mom

Re: my heart is sad

Hi Ursula,

I am so sorry that you are going through this nightmare of having your son murdered. And Shirley is right, you have come to the right place. All the Moms here understand the pain and the Heartache, the missing our children, the guilt etc. My daughter Keara was murdered four years a ago and I still feel all those feelings. I have come to believe that this is a never ending journey and it is so important to have other people who you can talk to. I am glad that you found us, but sorry that you had to.
Darien/Keara's Mom

Re: my heart is sad

thanks for the positive invite. I know that this group of ladies will be a good for me , people keep telling me that i need counsling. in my heart i feel that i just need to me heard and to be heard from other mothers that have the pain that i hold. not every one understands what this does to you. even though i have been "strong" for my family. I feel that i am still torn up inside and need some place to express this weather it is a good day or bad and i have both, people seem to think because you go on with life that you are ok . they say that time heals but i have not reached that point. thanks for letting me open up and leanding me a few minutes of your time. robert's momma/ Ursula

Re: my heart is sad

Hi Ursula, I too am so very sorry for your losses. It's good you found us...the ladies here are very kind.
My son Chris was murdered by his father 19 months ago.
I understand when you speak of your spirit knowing...even though I didn't know for 48hrs my spirit knew...my stomache was so upset I thought I may have developed the stomach illness Chris suffered from caused by worry. The night I found out I was at my work Christmas dinner and I remember feeling like I was watching from a distance watching my friends laugh and party. As I was leaving I got the call to stop by my daughter's which could have been so different as she'd just had her 1st child...but as I got closer a horrible feeling of darkness and dread and my knees were shaking...in spirit I knew.
I'm really very sorry you have this

Re: my heart is sad

hi ursula ,we mom know just how you feel my heart gose out to you mom the pain will never go away it will ease alittle i am praying for u my son has been dead july 27 three years and it have been going not so good for me but i think of the good things that my son did when he was alive some things he did makes me laught and some days i just want to stay in bed and cry but i have to live thru this this is my new life now and i have to keep on going hubert would have wanted that for me ,just keep prayed up god will see us thru hugs joann hubert mom.

Re: my heart is sad

Dear Ursula I am so sorry to hear of your double loss.We here know all too well the pain you are going through.It is so sad that sometimes I don't know how our hearts continue to beat,being broken in so many pieces.I'm glad you found this site and hope to see you on often,to just let us all know how you are doing and feeling.I know we have all gone through the same feelings as you have so yes we do understand.Love and God Bless