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losin it

I hate this time of year, I see all the moms walking thier babies in strollers, and cant help but feel a pinch of jealousy. and hurt. I went to my 7 year old daughters school concert last night and there were so many babys and toddlers. I need to start taking my daytime meds again. Im really not liking myself much lately. I still have those terrible nightmares, waking up soaking in sweat. Im 32 and think maybe im already starting menopause... Im starting to get nervous about my kids going to see thier dad this summer. I will miss them and worry like crazy.Im so afraid something will happen and i wont be there. I hate that im not me anymore. I dont know ,sorry for rambling on i just needed to vent.

Re: losin it

April, first of all don't be sorry for venting. This is a place where it is fine to do that. I don't like this time of year either, and it used to be my favorite, but Keara was killed in April so now it is so hard. I think it is just normal to feel jealousy when u see Moms with their babies and yours was taken from you. I feel jealous on the holidays when I see my sisters with their kids and none of mine are here. Keara is dead and the others live out of state. It has been four years for me and I still have those terrible flashbacks. It is so sad that we all are having to live with this and I hate that your baby girl was taken from you. Love ya, Darien

Re: losin it

April Im glad that you found this site so you have someone that can relate to how you are feeling. I still feel alot of what you feel too. Don't forget our "sisterhood" and that you can always talk to me when you need to. You know I love you like a sister and always will!

Re: losin it

Vent away it's good to get it out. I too am so very sorry your little one was taken from you. Although My Jim was 32 when he was murdered he was my baby boy I have one older son also. I went back on meds about 2 weeks ago things were just getting to me and I felt like I was going crazy. Now Jimmy's BD is coming up and it seems that is all I can think about. And this time of year yea it gets to me too My Jim use to love to ride his motorcycle and this is the time of year he would be out doing that, I feel jealous when I see other guys riding knowing that My Jim will never be able to ride again. I so understand you feeling a pinch of jealousy and it's ok to feel that way.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom

Re: losin it

Holidays throw me for a loop. I experienced menopause, almost a year after my beloved son was murdered. At 42 years old, I knew it was from internal grief. I always believed, that passing years would enable me to cope, get on with my life, but its not true, for me. This is my plight. My son was beat to death, 9/13/01.. there were many witness's to it. No one has been arrested.

Re: losin it

Hi Bridget, I am very sorry to hear about the murder of your son. Keara my daughter was murdered 4 years ago and although her killer was found and is in prison, I still feel terrible. As you said unfortunately this is our plight. I am so sorry that nobody was arrested in your case. That has got to make this nightmare even harder to bear.