I can't believe it again...well I guess i can...I let another day creep up.
Today happens to be my 30th wedding anniv.I think I mentioned I'm still married to the POS...I've been meaning to get all that started but all and all have failed.
I haven't really thought about it all month, I did but then it was gone...my only recourse is get my but out to the courthouse tomorrow and get the paperwork and call that lawyer...tomorrow which is that monster's birthday which will be spent in jail. He will only spend to 2!!! birthdays in jail for shooting my son 8 times while he lay resting...he will be 62 when he's released...his mother and father lived until their 90's.
My not even close to being present father is on the Big Island now, he almost shortened a 13 visit because he was bored...he was seeing his daughter and grandson but HE was bored...the story of my life...DETACHED. I've tried to get him down to Chris's Memorial Rock to look for shells for me...it would mean alot...so far no...they got some tourist shell leis and called it good. I'm trying one more time and will ask him to bring flowers to Chris's Rock before he leaves Hawaii...It will be very appropriate as Chris was born 9 months later, 1 day shy of 9 months 30 yrs ago as well...a wedding night baby.
I still tell him every day how sorry I am.....
My daughter just told me she and her family are going to Tahiti...we had spoken of going together after we lost Chris as a family but...they're going in 9 days...I am glad she will see the wave and the island Chris loved so. The Wave--Teahupoo(Chopo)massive 20-30ft...The People..."It's like Hawaii but the people are nicer" He loved Teahupoo and the family he stayed with every time he went...she will make that connection now...my Aly. I'm trying to be happy for her but it hurt me to my core and I felt the full force of my loss that I know only other MOMS can know what I mean...and told myself again I could handle all this...I can handle how alone I feel, how lost and disappointed I am...because I see this world and people very differently nowadays.
Thanks for you ladies here...I'm so sorry we share this pain...I hope you all have a nice day.
sending love still
Lois
Im so sorry. Wow it must be really hard still being married to that man. being how it was my boyfriend who murdered my daughter im sure i know the guilt you feel. I am glad that your daughter gets to go and spend some time in a place your son loved so much. I wish you luck on the divorce. Your pain must be so intense.. I feel they should have gave that man life... I dont understand how these men who murdered our children will be released in enough time where they still have a shot of some life. After they destroyed ours. My daughters killer has a chance to get out before hes 40 years old. thats just ridiculous. im so sorry for all your going through. we are all here for you.
Dear Lois Wow I'm sorry to hear that you are not yet divorced,that is awful.Please try not to feel guilty about Chris's father.Sounds like he was nothing more than a sperm donor.This is not your fault so stop beating yourself up!I can't tell by your post who you want to gather shells and leave them at Chris's memorial site.What is a 13 visit? I hope you are feeling some kind of peace these days,Life still goes on with all it's problems,but nothing is more tragic than the loss of our children,so I just say bring it on,I can handle it.Love and God Bless
Dear April
I know your situation is hard.As I said to Lois this is not your fault,stop beating yourself up.How old is the creep that took your baby away from you? His sentence doesn't seem to be too long why is that?I pray for some peace to enter your life.Memorializing my son Nicky is the only thing that helps,that and praying and this board.I have found much love and support from the last-memories site If you want to take a look at my son's the address is http://nicholas-pisano.last-memories.com.It is a wonderful site to put pictures up and light candles etc.It is free.Love and God Bless
