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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)
Well here I am a mental mess I guess everything just hit me a couple of weeks ago and I thought for sure I was loosing my mind. I was nervous, shaking, couldn't concentrate, couldn't sit still, couldn't do anything. Boy what a mess I tried to get myself together but it just wasn't working I finally went to see my doc and am back on the meds again. I am feeling better but still a little crazy. I have never been one to have anxiety or depression but guess my new life has changed all that. A couple of good things have happened though my son Shelby who has been drug free for 8 months now found a job and he loves it the people he works for treat their workers very good within one week he was promoted to a forklift driver it has done so much for his self esteem I think this time he will stay on the right road. I also may have found a job it will be at night but what the heck I am not sleeping worth a darn anyway. Just hope the place I have applied at starts that night shift. I know a lot of my mental state is because I have to much time on my hands and too much time for my mind to go places I don't want it to go.
Thank you all for being here to listen.
A special thanks to my good friend Darien for being here for me I love ya D.
I AM SO SORRY,I AM A MESS MY SELF,I WISH I COULD TAKE THE PAIN AWAY,I HOPE U FEEL BETTER,HUG'S!!
Hi Shirley, I'm glad you are feeling a better now. Sorry things got so bad for you...pretty scary this new life isn't it.
I want to thank you and the other Moms who have been so kind to me. You Ladies have shown such strength and compassion in the midst of all the pain and sadness that we now find such a part of our life. you have been an inspiration for me, you all seem like such nice people...
That is so great about your Shelby. For me it's the truest way I honor Chris.
I am so glad that you knew where to go when you were feeling this down and out.I am sorry that you were going through all of this,I tend to think of you as the "strong one" even though I know how very fragile we all really are.You always have the right words or the right action to help someone else.I couldn't be happier for Shelby,and it gives hope to those of us who are facing the same nightmare with our other children.Please keep us posted on him as he may be running the company one day and maybe you'll be working for him.Wouldn't that be a hoot!!! LOL
I think it is awesome that you might be going back to work and on nightshift.I've been doing it for like 20 yrs and I do love that shift.In my positon I meet the craziest people but they do keep me laughing like the time when I hadn't laughed in like 6 months following Nicky's death and a patient came in and told the triage nurse that his name was Moses just Moses and his complaint was that his feet were killing him,when I went to register him in we have to ask if it was an accident or not for our accident page and very calmly and with a straight face he said no,they hurt because I've been walking for 40yrs in the desert and my feet are just killing me.I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.Well of course I believed that Nicky sent him to finally make me laugh.It felt so good,like me and Nicky were sharing a laugh together.You see I don't find coins or socks or dream alot of Nicky and that had me down and out when others find these things and I don't but our angels will always find a way to let us know they are around even if it's the simpliest of things.I really loved that windchime and poem Whispers from Heaven that your sister gave you when Jimmy died.I didn't tell anyone in my family about it and low and behold my sister just gave me that same one.I couldn't help but think like mother like son Jimmy must have nudged her to buy it since I loved it so much.I can just see our angels flying around saying to each other this will help my mom today or your mom let's do something to cheer them up.
Just wanna let you know how much you are thought of and cared for Shirley.Wouldn't know what I'd do without you.Love and God Bless
Thank you ladies I just wish it didn't take meds to make me feel better but I gotta do what I gotta do. I believe with all my heart that My Jim has a hand in helping Shelby get his life together, about a year ago I asked him to please do what ever he could do to help Shelby. Like you Barb I don't find coins or dream of Jim very often only three times have I had Jim come to me in a dream. And the windchime my little sis had Jim's BD and Angel day engraved on it glad you got one too that would be something Jim would do. Then there was the day I found a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk in front of my house. Yep that would be Jim. But for years and years I did everything I could think to do to try and get Shelby to straighten up to no avail so I just know Jim is helping him. Lois you are so right this new life is scary Jim was my rock I could always depend on him I had everything planed out when I died it would be Jim that took care of everything especially his brother he knew my plan so I guess the one thing he can take care of for me he is taking care of for me. Michelle I hope you are feeling better also.
Love ya all
Shirley boy I do understand what you mean, I've been a total wreck anymore. I don't come here as much cause I'm afraid I'm being followed by the other "families" but I decided I was going to post anyway since life keeps throwing me thru some really bad hoops lately. I'm so glad things seem to be working out for your son, and yes just like Barb said it gives you hope. I hope my son will start having better things happen. he is falling apart and I can't help him and the stress is eating me up alive. I'm a wreck. I can't take a/d they make me feel werid and I actually don't have the money for the monthly prescriptions isn't that just terrible I'm in such a bad place. Then when things see to go a bit better life is cruel, he lent his friend his car to come back and pick him up at school the kid wrecked it, total the car I just bought and put so much money into it I even borrowed money from some friends to get this thing fixed and then it gets totalled. No one was hurt Thank God but my son is a mess, he has no trans to school which he was doing so well in and now wants to drop out there are a few options he could look into like asking them if it would be ok to be a few mins late and I could drive him up or maybe car pool with someone there and give them gas money but no, that wont work for him he is dropping out. he has been on a downward spiral and getting worse especially since Timmy's anniverary is coming up and the trial looming over our heads.
So yes reading that gives me hope, that one day my son will get his break, he needs one or I'm afraid I might lose him too, yes I'm crying now. All I can ask is that you guys keep us in your prayrs.
Love you all
I love you too Shirley and it is a pleasure to be here for you. I wish there was more I could do. I appreciate your being here for me also. Don't know what I would do without you. I am glad some things are working out for u and hopefully a job will be next.You definitely deserve it.I hope being able to have Sandra with you this weekend is boosting your spirits. Kids have a way of doing that. I love ya and will talk to u soon.
Shirley I am SOOOO happy for you and so proud of Shelby. That is hard to do, but he is doing it. I know you are so proud of him.
I am so sorry that I have been caught up in my own mental mess and haven't been there for you. You are such a good friend and have been there so much for us. Just about the time I think things may be alright we get slammed again. Maybe I need to finally admit I need meds too. I just wanted to stop in and check up on everyone and I am glad to read something good. Love you.