Good Morning. I guess I just need to talk...so get a cup because it seems alot has been going on. The ultimate understatement in this life we have, just getting thru the day is alot.
Monday makes 16 months since Chris' murder, Tuesday 16 months since he was found at the bottom of that 40' seacliff his father/killer threw him over, Wednesday 16 mos. since I was told my son was dead, He'd been shot...Unfathomable...none of us could understand how this could be...not Chris.
The rumors were very horrific and vengeful, but I knew that was not who Chris was. With his father missing and then his single car crash the day after chris was discovered...I knew.
Anyway, my message...
I had taken some pictures on a disp. camera when I was with Chris and the ones that we were together were dark so a friend was going to try and lighten them for me. First I had to put the negatives on a disc...
I picked up the cd late Sat. night because they might be closed easter. When I put it in my computer to watch there was a new photo that hadn't printed out when I had them developed the first time...It was Chris resting as he did on the couch...a familar sight. He looked so peaceful...it's beautiful.
I just received the police report 3 weeks ago...it sat in my closet until easter sunday when I read it for the first time as best as I could.
There were 2 accounts of what his killer said happened, one 2 weeks after his crash where he seemed a bit loopy still but he confessed alright. I wrote my thoughts that 1st reading. First I was surprised that his statement even got to the grand jury, second how he showed no remorse or saddness Chris was gone, third how there was no concern at all for his daughter...none. If they mentioned her he didn't acknowlege her. Only that "his life was over" because his son was "gone".
I seemed to think alot about his statement, like that was important...his statement of untruth.
So last night I really read the report...
He "lawyerd up" as soon as they got that 1st statement so we heard no more until that horrible plea hearing when they let him portray my son as a violent parental abuser...a violent history they said.
His statement, My son was beating me up, I got away, went in my room, got the gun and shot him. That was it.
So last night I also realised what would tell the most, the autopsy info. I had asked not to have any photos, I've always know Chris would have never wanted me to see him in death...not this way. So it's all measurements and angles and direction.
I have always had the feeling that Chris was sitting or laying down...mother's intuition? I had mentioned it many times. As I'm reading all this I'm looking at my boy and seeng how this very position could explain some his injuries...and thinking how this can't be...
The medical examiner didn't say in the report what position Chris was in just the different directions, etc.
Then there it is on some random page by one of the officers...because the medical examiner thought Chris was either sitting or laying down...
So what do you ladies think...is my boy sending me a message...is it possible he may never have known...this picture...is it a sign from my Chris...I hear his voice in my heart..."I sure hope so Mama"...we were talking of whether we continue after this life..."I sure hope so Chris" I continue to feel your love.
It's been a rough week...alot to absorb and no one even knows what horror I now know...because his father/killer while not telling the truth did explain the methodical "How's" of his actions...there is no Why's...it never should have happened...to any of us.
i am sorry you are going thru this i know too well about your pain.i think chris is telling you somthing,just sit still and feel him you will know.i still feel hubert in our house all the time .and some time it is scary to me one nite i was a sleep and a man was leaning over me and the last photo hubert took the man was wearing a stripe shirt like hubert had on,i jump up so fast.so am i going crazy i tell myself no it is a sign we are always beening watch over.and that chris will send you more just you waite and see.oh i am sorry i can go on and on about what i been thru a nite sending u my prayers and hugs from a mom who knows lol.joann hubert mom.
I believe with all my heart that this was a sign from Chris he wants you to know that what you believe to be true is true. I wish the courts would take a closer look at all of this and keep the POS in prison for the rest of his life where he belongs.
Hugs and much love
I felt so bad all day after telling you all about this new "developement" I thought you guys really thought I was out-there so I was glad to see you ladies here this morning. I thought maybe it was just too much...Like we have any choice in that anymore.
But all day the fact remained, I developed that film a few weeks before Chris died and that picture was not there. I'm not saying I didn't take it, there were a few I remembered not turning out. I didn't remember this one though. It's at my sister's and kind of grainy...you can see orchids in the vase behind him, it's a special photo. It really was a gift already even before I realised what it might represent. Yesturday I was thinking about the blood...GREAT!!! I'm not ready to look at the report again so soon but I think when I do I think I will see the bloodstains on the couch might match up as well. It is so horrible reading his killer's words and account of what he say's happened...no I'm so sorry this has happened, no I loved my boy, no how could I have done such a thing. I told my daughter there is nothing left of the man we knew before but I think we just never knew him at all. We made too many excuses for him and his strange ways.
It's comforting that this photo has shown up now I do believe this photo is a gift from God up above and my Chris and while I can't share this with everyone, I'm very THANKFUL for you ladies and this site.
I wish I could send this to them and ask if they got it now. How could they have let that plea happen...and only 2 years.
It's funny too Shirley, I'm just finished 'Hello From Heaven', I really do believe our loved ones are here watching over us and I also think that sometimes they may have known they weren't to be with us because the gifts my son gave me...the shells...the photos...his words...his favorite song...he gave me these gifts when I last was with him...the things we talked about...the walks we took...the compliments he gave me...how proud he was of his Mama...truly gifts...oh I miss him so.........
I just found this, I wrote it 2/11/2008. Chris had been gone 2 months.
I SIT HERE ALONE
I'm here... no one sees me
You are There...
I know you see me... still...
I'm never here alone...
While you're not here...but There
I know you're with me...
Always and Forever
You are There
I know you see me...still
Much love to you Moms
Lois I also believe it was a sign from Chris. I have had different things happen that I think are signs from Keara. I have to be choosy who I share that info. with cause some people think it's just crazy. I am so glad for u that your son is still communicating. Love ya. Darien