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Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

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Every day I miss him

November 28, 2000 my son was murdered in our yard in the early hours of the morning, helping the upstairs neighbor girl change her wiper blades when her friends came out & started an argument with my son. There was no explaintion for why they were agrueing with him, as he didn't know most of them. Because they were between him & our apartment door, he got into his car to leave & that is when he got stabbed. No one came to our door to let us know what happened. I found out when I got up to go to work in the morning & saw all the police cars of every department & a bright light on a podium facing the parking lot. I stopped a police office & asked what was going on. He told me there was a stabbing. I was shocked & asked him who. He said my son's name. I really don't remember much after that except going in circles in my living room. I didn't know what to do or think. My daughter got up & asked me what was wrong. I had wokened her up with my hyperventing breathing. I told her to hurry & get dressed because her brother was hurt. That is when a police officer came into my apartment to tell me my son didn't make it. We lived in that town all of his life. The village cops knew him, why didn't someone come & tell us? They did get the guy who did it & he, too, took a plea agreement. He will be out in less than 3 years. This has destroyed our lives. My daughter holds me at arm's lenght because I became overprotective of her. I was afraid of losing her too. In a sense, I have. We do not have any sort of relationship. She doesn't like me.Before Casey died, we were a family. He was our glue. Now I am nothing. I greive his loss every day & no one in my family understands. I have given up trying to make them understand. They no longer matter what they think of me.

The man who took Casey's life is not a US citizen & he will soon be free to kill again. I know this in my heart. He had no remorse for what he did to someone he didn't know.

I will not ever get over losing him & losing my family. So many days I don't want to go on & maybe someday will end up being too much. My children are my greatest joy, Casey was my first & he was taken from us. Now my second greatest joy doesn't have much use for me.

I am suppose to go on. Get a new life. What a joke. All that I held dear has been ripped from me. No matter what prescriptions my doctor puts me on, the depression is still there. I have a wonderful "social mask" I wear to make other people happy but inside I am dying.

Thank you for this site. At least I could say what I feel and not be judge.

Re: Every day I miss him

Casey's mom

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you found this site we moms have to stick together.
You are so right you will not be judged here because we all know exactly what you are going through. Each one of us put on our happy face for others too just part of our new life. I have come to the conclusion that unless someone has walked in our shoes they will never understand, or they just don't want to understand, there are not enough words to describe what we go through each and every day.
Jimmy's Mom

Re: Every day I miss him

I'm so sorry about your son. It is a pain that never goes away. I found out that Kaylin died by watching the 11 o'clock news. I had to call the Sheriff's station. I never understood why no one could come and tell me. Maybe I could have seen her or held her. The murderers get off with light sentences and we never get our children back. It is so wrong. I am glad you found us, but I am so very sorry that you needed to.

Re: Every day I miss him

I'm glad you found us too. This seems to be the one place where you can go and say whatever is on your mind and not be judged. We all understand and you are right. This changes our lives forever. My daughter Keara was murdered on April 5, 2006. She was beaten, strangled and stabbed nine times in the neck. The murderer was her boyfriend. My relationship with my other children has also changed. I know that they feel I am not the Mom I used to be and that I am obsessed with Keara's death. Unfortunately that is all true. The life has been sapped out of me and I struggle to get from one day to the next. This site has been like a lifeline for me. I have found compassion and understanding here and Moms who understand, I am so sorry for the murder of your son and I hope you will continue to reach out to us. Love ya. Darien

Re: Every day I miss him

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe that you found out the way you did, but then again I can believe it. The things we see and hear anymore. You can try and send letters to the parole board,maybe getting others to write also. Check with the POMC website they have a link for that I think. My son was 15 when he was shot execution style on 7/13/2007. It will be 3 years this July and I still cannot believe that my baby is gone, he was, is, my youngest son. My glue I always called him too, he was my glue and my family is also falling apart. They destroyed our lives didn't they, and they don't get what they should get. I just wish these things never happened to any of us. Many ((((((hugs))))))

Timmy's mom

Re: Every day I miss him

Hi, It is hard, life now. I'm so sorry you have this pain we all know well. I'm sorry you lost your son...me too. I know what you mean, some times it's like I so want to believe it never happened and Chris is still here...our love for our angels can only continue to grow as we can only miss them forever now. So we just love them more.
Much love to you and your family. Our poor families...all of us.
I'm very grateful for the MOMS here. There is alot of love and kindness here so I'm glad you have found this site.