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not well at all:(

im really having a bad time. brad is gone, the kids are looking for another place..i seem to be running everyone off. i didnt realize that was what i was doing until it all started happening...my life is a shambles. i applied for foodstamps and medical assistance this morning. i had to do it online, coz he took the car.im not even sure how long ill have the computer, coz its from a rent to own place. i dont know what im gonna do. its just a matter of time before the landlady wants money. i dont even know if the rent was paid for february. im afraid im gonna be thrown out on the street.i cant even think straight.ive started the packing process, sorting and junking. it would be alot easier if megan would keep an eye on the baby so he would stop grabbing stuff. i dont know how much of my stuff i should pack, coz i dont know where im going. maybe its just coz my nerves are shot, but im feeling very abandoned right now. i used to be able to bounce back from whatever got in my way. i just dont have any bounce left.i suddenly have absolutely no income. ive never been in this situation before. i havent worked for 2 years and im fat. i get tired very easily. im so depressed i cant seem to hold a thought. ive never been one to feel sorry for myself, but now thats all i do. i dont know whats gonna happen next. it just seems to be pouring on me all of the sudden. megan hasnt even looked me in the eye for a week now. i think she knew her dad was leaving, long before he did. i feel betrayed. i know this isnt what the message board is for, but, i dont have anyone else to turn to. i dont have anyone to cry to. im at a standstill. and to tell you the truth, im scared.

Re: not well at all:(

This is exactly what the message board is for, I am so sorry for what is happening. Doesn't your dad live here in California? Could you come back here and spend some time with him? Now is a time for you to worry about you and what is best for you. I just don't even know what to say except I am so sorry.
Love ya
Jimmy's Mom

Re: not well at all:(

hi Julie, I too am so sorry for what is happening in your life right now. I'm sorry you have lost your boy. When I lost my boy I knew I was no longer protected. Life slams hard. And it can sneak up and do it again when we least expect it but we somehow get through it. It happens to me, all of a sudden my family was mad at me or worse yet acting like they had weren't walking on eggshells. They'd be mad at how they thought i was feeling or thinking and I'd have no idea what was happening. All of a sudden chaos.
So as Shirley said, You have to take care of yourself...we all have been hurt in such a brutal way others can't begin to fathom the depths of our pain and that scares them I think.
I hope things get better soon.
Sending love to you and your family.
Lois/Chris's mom
His name was Hans Christian and I miss him every moment

Re: not well at all:(

Julie, I agree with Shirley that the message board is exactly the place to come to for support. We are all here for you and love you. I am so sorry that your life has been turned upside down. I do know what it is like to be alone and scared and have everything change. We as mothers have been dealt the worse blow that any parent could be dealt. It does change who we are. I stay depressed and I don't want to be but I can't help it and as my therapist reminds me it is normal under these circumstances. If it is possible to stay with your Dad that might be a good option so you could have a chance to get on your feet. If you still have a phone I'll give you a call if you would like me to. Please stay in touch and continue to reach out to us. Love ya. Darien

Re: not well at all:(

Oh Julie. I had no idea. This IS the place for this. You need us and I am just so sorry that I haven't been there like I should. What can I do to help? Please let us know if you will be able to go stay with your dad. We don't want you homeless. Our children being murdered affects everything in our lives doesn't it? I don't even know what to say except that I love you and if I can do anything all you have to do is tell me what it is. PLEASE keep us posted.