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Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

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He'd have felt better

I work at a very busy bakery, I open , I start saying my "Good Mornings" at 5am. It can seem very surreal...putting on that mask for the masses, My 'happy' me for the people, there are alot of regulars. A few know, many would be surprised.
When my son Chris was murdered I couldn't work for 6 weeks. Partly because I lost complete bladder control for that time and couldn't get out of Depends. I thought I might not ever at the time and it didn't matter to me. Nothing did.
This past Oct 27 I was in Hawaii making my statement, begging them not to accept the plea they had arranged, I was in the diaper as his killer, my estranged husband stared me down as he showed not a drop of remorse and he got the deal of his life.
I've rambled.
It's how people really have no clue what our lives are like now that we know the pain of losing a child this way. Today the award goes to my boss who tries but is an insensitive oaf.
My son Chris's birthday, my second without him, is Feb.23, he would have been 29.I'll never get used to that...he would have been. I don't ever ask for time off. We usually cover and ok it with the boss. I was told it ok but he would have felt better if I not asked basically and just came in and dealt with it. That it made him feel I wasn't getting on with it, I wasn't pushing through it.
Do you know how many people see me every day and think I'm a happy person, It's part of my job.They have no idea what I wake up to every day. It's definitely an un-real reality.
I guess I'm just telling you MOMS because I figure you know what I mean. I know the list of stupid things people say is lengthy and I know 99% of the time the mean well but it really can be the PITTS.
I didn't know other people would be the ones taking you 2 steps backwards without even knowing where you are.They really have no understanding of this kind of pain...no amount of pushing through or whatever will ever change what has happened.I'm glad for them, they don't know. I wish we all didn't know. Love to you all

Re: He'd have felt better

People like your boss don't know, they will never GET IT. If we could move on, push through, get past it do they think we wouldn't? Do they think we enjoy the life we now live? But then again they don't know or want to know what this life is like and don't want any reminders that a mom who has lost her child to murder works for or with them. Like we have a disease and they might catch it because we can't get over it.
I took the day of My Jim's first Angel day off of work my insensitive boss tried to call me at home to let me know the shop I worked in was going to close. I am glad I wasn't taking calls that day or I may have lost my job sooner than I did.
People who say these insensitive things remind me of the scare crow in the Wizard of Oz, you know, If I only had a brain.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom

Re: He'd have felt better

Lois ask your boss if he has a fb. If he does tell him to join the group Oh No You Didn't, things to never say to a bereaved parent. Tell him it was made for people like him who do not understand that the loss of a child is not like any other loss and that you will never "get on with it or over it." Personally I think it is time we educate these people and IMO it hurts me when they say stupid insensitive things like that. Then I wonder why I don't say anything back. I think we can let them know without screaming it at them but they need to know that we don't EVER get over it. We function but there will be times and they should try to understand that. Especially since you have been there. I do not want to lose my job but I now look at it as if I were to die tomorrow they would replace me and not care so I have to put my family first. Does he have children? Ask him how long it would take him to get over losing one of his children.