9 years ago, I read this for my sister when her 18 yr old son committed suicide. 2 months ago, she read it back to me at Nate's funeral.
What makes a mother?
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
“But God”, I asked, “Can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you?”
“Yes, you can”, He replied, with confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.”
“Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay.”
“I just don't understand this, God, I want my baby here”
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.
“I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.”
“If you could see your child smile with other children and say”
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much; I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly, My Mommy set me free.”
“I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep on her pillow, this is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
“So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, until your lessons are through.
And on the day that you come home, they’ll be at the gates for you. “
“So now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize that you’re a mother since your child is now gone.
Remember all the love you have and know that you are always that special mom!
I am so sorry that you and your sister had to travel this road but glad you had each other to hold onto.In reading this poem I had to conclude that we can all imagine our children in a happy, beautiful place but it is the unseen that makes us doubtful.If our children were to vacation in the most beautiful island on earth and send us back pictures of what beauty they beheld and what fun they were having we would be happy for them.Even though they weren't with us we could see the joy they were experiencing and be happy for them.A year before Nicky died my daughter Rachel gave me and my husband a trip to the Cayman Islands for our 25th wedding anniversary.She was so mad that I invited Nicky and his girlfriend along paying their way because she had wanted this to be a romantic trip for me and my husband.I wanted to spend time with each of our children as they got older on a vacation and I chose Nicky for this trip.We hadn't been away in 25 yrs by ourselves so you can see why she was upset.Nicky was the only one of my children who didn't get to ever go anywhere and he had said that before he died he wanted to see the bluiest of waters.He was amazed at the beauty he beheld and I thank God for my decision to take him.We had so much fun but mostly I delighted in the fact that he was amazed at everything he saw.When Nicky died the first thing my daughter said with tears in her eyes was mom thank God you did take Nicky with you.So now when I think of Nicky and what he is doing I picture him running from one beautiful thing to the next with excitement on his face like he did then.The images I hold onto are ones of beauty,peace,and happines and I long for the day when I will not have to imagine in my mind all this beauty but experience it myself with Nicky dragging me from one place to the next.One of my daily questions as I look to the sky or see a beautiful flower or behold a scenic route is what are you doing right now Nicky and what new wonder are you exploring?.Thank you Donna for I will always know that it was a priviledge to have had Nicky as my son and that God chose me to mother him.Love and God Bless