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missing my boy Chris

GoodMorning Ladies, Thank you Shirley, Bette and Kaylin's mom for your responses. It does help some knowing you understand...I wish you all didn't. I went to your websites, they're beautiful...My father told me last night "I have to let it go" wow...My Aly wants life to be normal and me to be happier wow...I think it's too much...off to work for my academy award performance...I hope.Much Love to you all..I'm still learning this computer so I don't know if this will be in the right spot...But again Thank you

Re: missing my boy Chris

I think the hardest thing for people to understand is that we can not just let it go and that our lives will never be normal again. People think we are feeling sorry for ourselves and that is so far from what is happening we can't help the way we feel anymore than they can help the way they feel. Our lives have been devastated and that isn't something you just let go of. Do they think if we could get over it and be happy we wouldn't? How I would love to be happy again but I don't foresee that in my future. Just know you are not on this road alone we all put on our happy faces and give it our best try.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom
PS just hit the reply button

Re: missing my boy Chris

I have lost my mom who I was very close to and her death was hard. I have lost all of my grandparents, some cousins, and friends. While each was hard, I was able to move on to some level. I CANNOT move on from Kaylin's death. It was not natural to lose her before me. Everyday is wondering what she would be now. Did she feel pain. We are our children's protectors and nurturers and all of a sudden that is over. People think this death is like others and that we will move on. I have not been happy for almost 2 years now, but I can put on a performance. The people who truly know me also know that when I am my silliest I am hurting the worst. We put on these masks for them and we die a little more because we feel alone. Thank goodness for MOMS. Without all of you I would think I was not normal. What we feel IS normal. We lost a person who we would have died for. Who we loved more then ourselves and now they are gone. Plus they are gone because someone decided they should be. It consumes me everyday. You are not alone. You have us and here you can take the mask off and just grieve. No judgment here. We all grieve differently but we all grieve. I often wonder though, why another parent would expect us to move on. Do they really believe they would be able to? Before I lost a child I remember thinking that if it ever happened I would not survive it. Do they honestly think they would just move on?

Re: missing my boy Chris

We are always here for you. We understand the pain. I know how hard it is to hear words from people who have no clue. I lost my mome 23 years ago and my dad 22 years ago, then all three brothers followed. I was a mess when my mom & dad died, better with my bros but the pain of losing a family member is heart breaking, but losing a child is the most worst pain I have ever felt in my life and I do't think I will ever get over it, or move on, or whatever they think we should do. I wake up and each day my mind is on my son, and I see my other boys falling apart, I work a full time job, go home and do what I do and go to bed to just start all over again the next day, in heartbreaking pain. There are days that overcome me so bad, even driving, I sob so hard I think I should pull over or I'm going to get into an accident. Some days I know why maybe a memory or a picture, and then others just out of no where.

A mother's pain never goes away and never moves on. I think we learn to live "the day to day life" we are supposed to but inside we are not living at all.

Re: missing my boy Chris

Lois, People who tell you to just get over it have no clue. It is not something we can do. As others here have said we manage somehow to get from day to day but we are in constant pain. The loss of a child to murder is the most horrendous thing any parent could possibly have to deal with. You have come to a place where everyone understands your pain and shares it. As strange as it may seem it is a place where you can get some measure of comfort. To not feel so alone. I hope you will continue to let us help in any way we can. Love and hugs to you.

Re: missing my boy Chris

Aloha Darien, ALREADY I love you ladies so much. I used to say to Chris, we don't always know what's going on with that person next to us in line so it's nice to be nice. Talk about us all being thrown to the front of that line.iI am so sad we know this kind of pain. Thank you it was nice to see you here. A Big Hug to you