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missing my boy Chris

I'm having a really rough time lately. My son Chris was murdered on the island of hawaii Dec.11,2008. Chris was found at the bottom of a seacliff. He was found naked, wrapped in a blanket of mine...he had been shot EIGHT times. His father killed him...claimed self-defense...got a plea deal...TWO years with credit for time served. At sentencing they gave him 90 days to come up with an accurate account of how and why he killed our son...as his 1st story they said could not have possibly happened...so he gets another chance. He labeled my Chris a parental abuser...Not true. I wake up every day to an imagined senario of Chris's murder since we were never given any info except what they told me the day before sentencing which was Chris had no exit wounds...what does that mean. Was he on the ground? My daughter is mad at my saddness, her son Ezra was born 5 months before chris died. We were so happy...He was the first grandchild, a gift. But I'm so broken and carry alot of guilt now. Anyway I don't mean to feel sorry for myself but this is so hard, this life now I don't give him as much of me it seems as I would have.

Re: missing my boy Chris

You are not feeling sorry for yourself you like the rest of us wonder just how this could have happened to our child. And just how can our justice system let murderers get away with a slap on the wrist. My Jim had no exit wound either the bullet traveled down through his body they took it out at the autopsy. The sadness we feel never seems to go away my son was murdered on Dec. 16th 2007 and I know my life will never be the same again happy is something I will never be. We are here for you, you post anytime or you can come to the chat room there is usually a mom or sometimes a bunch of us there every night around 5:30 to 6:00 pm west coast time.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom

Re: missing my boy Chris

Lois, I personally believe it is Ok to feel sorry for yourself. A big part of your heart was ripped out. You are right we don't have as much to give or at least I don't. My other children have been angry with me also because I am so sad all the time. Unfortunately it is something I can't control. They have gotten to a point where I think they understand or at least accept it. They are sad too but they are not Keara's Mom. Keara was killed on April 5, 2005 by her boyfriend. I hate that you are going through this and that we all are. I hope you will continue to reach out to us on the message board and also chat if you feel like it. Love and hugs to you.

Re: missing my boy Chris

Lois, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. To think a parent could do that to his own son is something I cannot comprehend. Our families don't understand as much as they may try they can't. I know I wear a mask most times now. Except when I am alone or with other bereaved parents. I am just so sorry that your son did not receive the justice he deserved.