Dear MOMS
Holidays were bad but I think post holidays are worse.I thought as I ripped each decoration down frantically that somehow that act would make things easier.Like out of sight out of mind.No such luck.I feel like one of those movies where the whole world is destroyed and I am the only survivor,with no direction and not knowing where to go.
Being out of work hasn't helped, as all my time is lost in thinking about Nicky and our angels.No use being off unless you can have some fun.Fun. What is that? Long,long ago I remember that feeling,now buried deep within myself,screaming to get out.I want to laugh again if even for a second.Nicky loved to laugh,he got that from me.Now I can't even watch TV as I cry at the simplest things like an eyeglass commercial.I remember Nicky getting glasses and saying so,this is what the world looks like.EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM! Knowing what pain all of you are in too,breaks my heart.Seeing new MOMS on here just reminds me that none of us were prepared to be blindsided by the devestation of losing our children to murder.When will all this senseless killing end? These murderers are equivalent to terrorists.Why is our government allowing this to continue? If terrorists came to our country and started killing our children one by one our country would sit up and do something.Why aren't they? It is the same thing if not worse,these are our countrymen attacking.
Praying and having all you beautiful MOMS to turn to still continues to be the glue that keeps me together.
People still continue to say you're holding up well.
I just love that saying.I just want to scream in their faces."I'm not holding up, are you all blind"?
I didn't think I was that good of an actress but apparently I will be receiving an oscar soon.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I think of you everyday and your angels.I'm so thankful that we have each other,although it saddens me to see more and more new MOMS here.I pray that each and everyone of us will see justice for our children someday.To those who feel that there was no justice served God has that under control.In the end vengeance is His.Personally I think they will be praying that they should have had life in prison,cause His punishment is eternal.Love and God Bless
Barb
You have been through more than your share with the health problems you have had. I don't know about taking down Christmas decorations because I didn't put any up this year. I hope that when you get back to work it helps, I know that was the one thing that would put my mind in a different place for a few hours a day. Although as soon as I got in my car to go home it would hit me hard I would get home and do nothing but cry. You just remember we all love you much and are here for ya.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom
Dear Shirley and Bette
Thanks for responding.It helps so much to have others care about how you are feeling even in their own pain.
Bette, I hope we can get together soon we are so close.I hope you are feeling better,you deserve some happiness.Praying for your boys always.You are a special lady.
Shirley, You are like my rock at times.I pray for your son and hope that as I write this all is well.I know what you mean about holding your breath.Thank you for all you do for me and the other MOMS.You are a blessing in my life
Barb, It seems that as time goes by dealing with this pain and loss can be even harder. I know I miss Keara more and more as time goes by and a lot of the time I can't even believe that this is real and now my life. As Shirley said we are all here for you and we do understand. Love ya.
Barb, I know that I had to get mine down too. I thought I had made progress by even putting them up this year. I tried to get into the spirit but I don't think that is ever going to happen again. I am just glad they are over and now here comes Valentine's. Every holiday whether major or minor is just another reminder that she is gone. March 1 is her birthday. She would have been 22. I am already dreading it. I hope to have my tattoo done by her bday.
