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My Son

My son Todd Swartz was murdered on Nov. 21,2009
He was 39 years of age. My only child. The have the two pepole that stabed him. But I have no answers.
He was my world, my day began with him calling in the morning and ended the same way at nights. We did everything together. He leaves behind four children, ages 20-18-13=5.
I don't know how to go on,everything has stopped for me.Yesterday was my first Christmas without him, they took my baby from me,
When I close my eyes I don't see his face or his smile or here his laugh all I see is that yellow tarp that covered his body or him in his casket.
Today makes 5 weeks that he was taken and I cry everyday. They say that time makes it easier, I don't think it does. I still wait for the phone to ring or find myself picking up the phone to call him. After every call he made he would always say Mom I love ya.
I miss him so very much

Re: My Son

We are so sorry for your loss of your son and that you needed to find this site. But this site will help you get through the days that lay ahead. The Moms here are understanding and compassionate but most importantly know what you are going through. When "they say" something ask them if they have ever had a child murdered? Eugene's Mom just posted how it seems to be getting harder for her and each mom knows there is no "protocol" and/or time frame. I read a poem the other day:

Grief never ends, But it changes.
It's a passage, Not a place to stay.
The sense of loss, must give way.
If we're to value the life that was lived,
Grief is not a sign of weakness,
Nor lack of faith--It is the price of love.

This is so true...while others may want us to be happy and move on we are in shock the first year or so and some say years later it still seems surreal. We know our loved ones would want the best for us but happiness is elusive and rare because we just miss them that much...because we loved them so much and still do. Sharon you do not have to be alone we have the message board and a chat room which is more active at night. Know that we are all here for you and your family will be in our prayers and Todd will be in our hearts. Laura & AV

Re: My Son

I am so very sorry for your loss, Laura is so right and the poem is perfect. This is my third Christmas with out my son he was murdered Dec. 16th 2007 and I can say it seems to have hit harder this year than last. Like Laura said the first year is shock, and disbelief we keep waiting for them to call or walk in the door all the while knowing in our mind that, that will never happen again. None of will ever be the same, the person we use to be is gone. We learn how to put on our happy face and tell anyone who asks that we are OK. I hate the fact that you have had to join this group but a better group of women you will never find. We are all walking the same road some of us are just further down the path.
Remember we are here for you.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom

Re: My Son

Sharon, I too am so sorry that your son was murdered. It has been three years and 8 months since my daugther Keara was murdered andit is so hard. The pain is always there and the missing them never stops. Keara used to call me every day too sometimes more than once and it took me a long time not to expect the phone to ring and her to be saying "hey Mama, what's up?" Sometimes I still do. I also hate that you have to join this group of women but am glad you found us. It helps so much to find people who understand. The support here is wonderful and we all feel a lot of love for each other. I hope you will join us in chat in the evenings also. Love ya. Darien

Re: My Son

Sharon I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We never want a new mom to join us because there is only one way to belong to this group, but since this has happened I am so glad you did find us. The MOMS here will hold you up and we do understand. This is so fresh for you now. January 1st will be 18 months for us and it was the second Christmas without Kaylin. Some things were harder this year and some things I could do, but she was always in my heart and I still cry everyday. I talk to her a lot. Know this is a safe place for you to vent and rage and cry and anything else you need to. We have been there. We understand the pain you feel. Once again I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that this is something you cannot get through alone and let us be there for you.

Re: My Son

Dear Sharon
I am so sorry to hear about your precious son Todd.I am glad you found this site as soon as you did.It took me like 7 months to find it.I have found much comfort and peace through the MOMS here.I know you will too.Todd is in good company with all our angels and at times that is what got me through the pain.My son Nicky died March 31st 2008 and although some things get easier,others are harder.You will experience the roller coaster ride of emotions,but you will make it.We are all here for you.Love and God Bless and ((((((HUGS)))) to you

Re: My Son

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have lost a son he was only 15 years old.

You have found a great site, many wonderful mom's here without them I don't know how I could have made it as far as I have. My son was killed on July 13, 2007. 2 1/2 years now, his birthday on New Year's Eve he will be 18. This has been the hardest ever for me, the holidays and now his birthday coming up. Life is never the same, but know you are not alone.

God bless
Timmy's mom

Re: My Son

so sorry about your son my son was killed july 27 2007 his name was hubert.i cry every day we all miss our angel i am sending hugs to you and prayers

Re: My Son

Sharon. I can relate to you too well. My son was murdered by gun on November 25,2009. He was 23 years old and leaves behind a 2 year old son. This is so new to both of us. I too was very close to my son. I do thank God that I have 2 other children to hold onto. This journey is not one we wished for but have been forced to take. We had to experience all the major Holidays since our sons passing. I am just now really understanding that Nate is not hear. He was my first born and the bond with your first born is so very special. Know I am here too to share in this journey with you as are all the other MOMS on this board.