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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

I still remember the call. I don't remember much for a few days after that. I am in a fog. They say he died in seconds, one gunshot to the chest. I can't get any information since it is still in investigation phase. I can't even get an autopsy report. They are saying that there was a gun fight and Nate was hit. How do you go on. I don't qualify for any help from the victim advocay groups since they don't know if Nate contributed to his death. How unfair. We are victims too. We need support.

I am angry and confused and broken. How do you get back to normal. Christmas the one month aniversary of his passing.

Donna

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Donna
I am so very sorry for your loss, my son too was shot point blank in the chest December 16th 2007. I don't think we will ever be "normal" again, we now live a new kind of normal. We go on because that is all we can do, I don't understand the victim compensation they act like the money is being handed to our children. We are the victims who need the financial help not our children. You are not alone in that there are a few moms here who haven't gotten help with any of the expenses. Just know you are not alone on this journey there are many, many moms right here on this site who will lend an ear anytime you need to talk. We also have a chat room you can come in if you feel up to it there is usually a mom or 2 in chat around 5:00 or 5:30 that would be west coast time.
Sending much Love and many Hugs your way.
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Dear Donna
I am so sorry to see you here especially when your feelings are so raw.I didn't get any help from the crime compensation people either,seems my son who was watching TV in his own home reading his Bible and opened up his door to a knock from what he thought were 2 confused pizza delivery men,contributred to his own death.He was shot when he opened the door and died 1 1/2 hrs later.He had pot in the house.That was their conclusion.They were there to rob him.I finally decided that the crime compensation people didn't help me monetarily with raising him ,so I didn't need them stepping in now.I thought their decision was disrepectful to my son Nicky's memory,like he didn't matter.He was murdered March 31,2008,and still we wait for trial.I think we should be able to say to the courts,you are contributing to my son's loss of justice in a timely manner and fine them $100 a day for each day the city is paying to feed and clothe and educate his killers.But then again only in America

I hope you make it through with happy memories of holidays past with your son Nate and surround yourself with the most caring of people.You have made a good start in coming here as I have found much love and support with these ladies,my MOM friends.Love and God Bless

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Donna, I am so sorry to hear of your sons murder. I am glad you found us but sad to know that you are joining this group. My daughter Keara was murdered 3 years and 7 months ago. She was beaten, strangled and stabbed nine times in the neck. I don't know that I will ever be normal again but as Shirley said we do go on. Sometimes you just have to take it a minute at a time. It is the worst nightmare a parent can gl through but you have come to the right place. You will find a lot of support here from those of us who understand.

ld like to also suggest that you come into the chatroom. I am on EST and usually go in between 8:30 and 9:00 pm. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Thanks eveyone. I really appreciate the support. I at least know I can write here to get help in understanding how the investigation will work. That is what I wanted most out of the victim advocacy group, how to get information and navigate the courts. I am not worried about funds, I just wanted help getting information. I have to find out bits and pieces through news releases. Heck, they even had a news story where they are showing them putting his body in the back of a coroners vehicle. My heart broke. Nate had to be left where he died overnight into the next day while they "processed" the scene. It was a cold November night and he was left there all alone. I coudn't even see him since the scene was all roped off.

I am babbling now. Sorry about that. I am trying to understand this whole unnecessary ordeal.

Donna

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Donna
We are here for you, you can vent, rant, rave and babble on. We all do and unfortunately for you, you are now one of US. A lot of the moms here haven't gotten a victim advocate and have had to work this out for themselves. I think that is so sad that our justice system doesn't even make sure we are informed about what is happening kinda like we don't matter. I was very fortunate in that I had a wonderful lady helping me every step of the way. I think one thing you could do is try to get a police report and call the DAs office to try to get some answers. What state are you in maybe one of the moms is in the same state and can give you better answers than I have.
Big Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

HI SO SORRY,MY HEART IS WITH YOU,I KNOW THE HOILDAY'S IS SO HARD RIGHT NOW,BUT KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE,WE HERE AT MOM'S ARE 1 BIG FAMILY HELPING EACH ONE THROUGH A NIGHTMARE WE CAN'T WAKE OUT OF!! HERE WE CRY,SCREAM,TALK OR WRITE UNTIL OUR HANDS ARE FROZEN LIKE OUR HEART'S!! WE HEAL WITH EACH OTHER!! SORRY WE HAD TO MEET LIKE THIS,BUT KNOW WE LOVE AND OUR HEART'S ARE WITH YOU,HUG'S!!

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Donna I am so sorry. My daughter was murdered and left in a ravine to die. I especially understnad how you feel on one thing. I couldn't get info either. I found out from the nightly news that Kaylin had been found. I didn't get to even see her for 8 days. She too, was left for almost an entire day at the scene while it was processed. That was hard for me to know. Her autopsy report was sealed and it took months before we were able to get a copy. It sure did tell us a lot that we were not finding out from the detectives and it raised a lot of questions for us as well. This is so fresh for you. I was in shock for months. I found this group late at night when everyone was sleeping and I couldn't. It is a life saver. I haven't been in chat much but I will try to get in tonight. This is a long hard road, but you have found us now and we will walk it with you and help to hold you up. I am sorry you had to find us, but glad that you did. If we can do anything please let us know. We are here for you.

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Oh there is no words for you that you have not heard before, I am soooo soooo sorry, for you lost. You are right you are victims, the crimal justice is not fare, I know my grandson Jonathan Nix ws murdered by his father Oct. 30, 2000 he was only 10 monts old he was born Dec. 24, 1999 He did not want to pay child support so he beat the baby to death well guess what he is out of prison already, he was released this year only served 9 yrs, 9 yrs because he got his masters and busness degree. time cuts. I only wish i had words to tell you it gets better but it doesn't. again I am so sorry for your lost God bless you and your family Johnnie hesselgrave

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Donna go to memory-of.com and do a memoral for him this has helped me thanks johnnie Hesselgrave

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

OMG. That is awful. They can get their education in there an other things that count as "good time" and get their sentence served faster. That is WRONG! They took the life of someone who might have cured cancer or some such thing and we will never know because they took that life, but they get their life back. Our lives our ruined forever but they get their life back. Our system is WRONG!!!!!!! Ladies, what are we going to do about this? It makes me so mad. We have to do something. We all try to come up with something but our children lie in a grave while these pieces of crap get to go on with their lives.

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

i am so sorry about your loss of your son sending my praayers to you

Re: My Son was murdered on Thanksgiving Eve 2009

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. It seems that this will be a very hugh roller coaster that I don't see getting off soon. I have had to go through all the major holidays since Nate's death, thanksgiving, my birthday (Dec 12), Xmas, New Years. It seems now I have time to finally feel the impact of his murder. I live in New Hampshire and now I am trying to find a support group I can go too. Thank God I found you guys too. I know I am not alone in this journey. Our family story is pretty tragic. 9 years ago, we buried my sisters oldest son to suicide. I don't know what our family lesson is but I sure hope that others may learn from our tradegy. Still does not make sense though.