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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Bad Days

Hi my sistas
Guess ya all know Jim's angel day is almost here the closer it gets the worse I get. My oldest boy Shelby was watching TV in my room he was laying on the floor but had fallen asleep I walked in his back was to me and when I saw him there my mind said JIMMY OMG he looked just like Jim from the back same hair color, same build and he had on jeans and a black shirt just like Jim use to wear. It took a minute or 2 to get my mind straight then I broke down. Does this hurting ever ease up? I have been crying so much my eyes are always red and people keep telling me "Boy you look tired". I am tired I am tired of this terrible pain and sadness, I am tired of hurting, how can a time of year be so joyous for some and so painful for us all this is so unfair. I am back to not sleeping or eating much my stomach is in knots. I just want December to pass I know I will start to feel a bit better after the holidays I wish I could hurry them along.
Thanks for listening
You all mean the world to me
Love and hugs
Big Jim's Mom

Re: Bad Days

Hi Shirley,
I know this has got to be such a terribly hard time for you. I am struggling with just the holidays and I know how much harder it would be if Keara's amgel date was now too. I wish I were there to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. Please know that you are always on my mind and in my thoughts. I love you and wish I could take some of your pain away.

Re: Bad Days

Hi Shirley,

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I wish we could all be together during this time. I love you lots and keeping you in my prayers.

isaida

Re: Bad Days

Thank you Darien and Isaida seeing my son there was just such a shock My Jim use to always lay on the floor to watch TV and Shelby just never does and it really threw me for a loop when I saw him.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom

Re: Bad Days

I was just thinking about what happened and I wonder if that was Jim's way of sending you a sign. Just a thought, Love ya.

Re: Bad Days

D ya know it could have been, I'll bet after my reaction he will give more thought to his next sign. But yep that would be my Jim.
Love ya
Shirley

Re: Bad Days

I've just come across this site - don't know why I haven't found it before. My beautiful boy Jordan was murdered 10 months ago at the age of 16. I live in New Zealand. Yours was the first post I looked at and I could totally relate. I'm coming up to the holidays which includes my son's birthday and the 1st anniversary (!!!)of his death, as well as my daughter's birthday and my own. Oh I just want it to all disappear! When DOES the crying and agony end...and do we want it to? I know the few days I haven't cried I've felt so guilty. I feel guilt-ridden all the time anyway. Just love to you and everyone who is experiencing this.

Re: Bad Days

Natalie, I am so glad that you found this site but sorry that you have joined the ranks of Moms. Yesterday ir was 3 years and seven months since my daughter Keara was murdered and I can't answer the question of when does the pain and agony end because for me it hasn't. I also understand feeling guilty when you are not crying. It seems we are ****ed if we do and ****ed if we don't. You have found a place where you can find comfort support and understanding from other Moms. I hope you will also join us in the chatroom. Some of us go in there around 9 est. Love to you.

Re: Bad Days

Natalie
I am so sorry for your loss we all know how hard this is and the holidays seem to make it worse. The 16th of December it will be My Jim's Angel Day, I wish I could wake up and remember only the happy times instead of having this pain and sadness fill me up every day.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Bad Days

Natlie,
I am so sorry for your loss. The Holidays are diffcult for me as well. This will be my second Christmas without my daughter Cindy. It will be a year and 4 months on Christmas day since she was murdered. I have to be strong for my 4 baby granddaughters and I will do the best I can to get thru. My thoughts will be with you and Shirley.
LOL,
Paula

Re: Bad Days

Shirley,
Know that we are always here for you no matter what...It seems like we are on a marathon to see just how much we can take until our hearts just burst from the pain. I can't even imagine how your heart must have dropped when you saw Shelby and how it must have taken you back...back to the day when your angel was still here or the thought of him being right there with you. But you know he is with you just not the way we need them to be or ever understand why they are not...Luv ya...Laura & AV