I used to visit this site quite a lot during the first year that my son was gone. Someone sent me the following today and as it happens, I was deep in thought remembering my son and his murder. Hope it speaks to some of you in your pain. Title is "This is Beautiful"
She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?
The surgeon said, I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it
Sally said, Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?
The surgeon asked, Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. Would you like a lock of his hair, the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
The mother said, It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first but Jimmy said, Mom I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.
My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.
Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.
The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.
She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:
Dear Mom - I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you or stop loving you just cause I'm not around to say "I Love You! I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be lonely, that's ok with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with.
Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grampa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool.. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures but when I saw Him I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! and guess what Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter to tell you goodbye. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed Him? God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh by the way Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to wirte some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forget to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much either. That's when He sent the Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus and Me