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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Feeling low

My youngest son, 22, was murdered this past June. As a single parent I have to keep going. This means that I have to stuff my feelings while I try to help others; pretend that everything is okay in my world because I am there to do a job- not to talk about me or anything that is going on. There is only so much stuffing and pretending I can do. I really dislike hearing the cliches that it just takes time; how are you;time heals all wounds. In my head I know all these and more. But I am struggling to get from here to there. How do you moms do it? How do you get through the day? I had to leave work early yesterday;not going in today because I can't hold it together anymore.If any of you can give some suggestions please do...Most of the people around me don't know what it is like to lose a child much less to have their child murdered.

Re: Feeling low

Hi Carole, I am so sorry for your loss. My son Samuel was killed in May of this year, so it's been a little over 5 months. I understand how you feel and there have been many days I've had to leave work early, or just sit in my truck and cry. There have many days I have worked from home because I just couldn't bring myself to face the world. I wish I had the answer to your question...by the grace of God, us MOMS make it through the day. You have found a great support group here. We are always here and know exactly how you feel. If you ever need to talk, you can e-mail me, we can exchange numbers. It helps talking to other MOMS. Know you are not in this alone.

Lots of love and hugs
isaida

Re: Feeling low

Hi Carole
I too am so sorry for your loss. My son Jimmy was murdered 22 months ago I am still struggling with his death. I guess it is like I told another mom we just keep putting one foot in front of the other day after day. The good thing is you found us and we all know what you are going through some of us are just at different stages of this rough and rocky road. We have all heard the time heals all wounds, it will just take time, or I know how you feel. No no one knows how we feel if they haven't walked in our shoes they don't have a clue. We also have a chat room there is usually someone in the room in the evenings, we also have a blog you might like to look at http://journeyofamurderedangelsmom.blogspot.com/
Love "N" Hugs
Jimmy's Mom
Shirley

Re: Feeling low

Thank you Isaida and Shirley...it feels good to be with others who actually know and understand. It's heartwrenching that a site like this has to be here;but I am so thankful it is. At least here I know that we all share a common thread - the ripping away of our loved one. Thank you for being here...for letting me know that this is common and that it will keep happening.

Re: Feeling low

Kaylin was murdered 16 months and 7 days ago. This last few weeks have been the hardest since I was told she died. I think that whole first year I was in shock and disbelief and now it is real. Plus I am no longer able to stuff it. I could for awhile but now I can't. This last week I am trying to pull myself together but I can't seem to. I try telling myself I HAVE to go on and this is the first time I have replied I can't. My house is a wreck, the laundry is piled high and the car needs cleaned out and I can't even get out of my pj's. J was sick this week and I did take care of him but he slept a lot so I did too. I hate this. We pretend for the world and it gets hard. I know I have to get back on track, but it feels to me the longer we go the harder it is getting. I know that family and friends don't know why I can't move on. They try to understand but they really can't. Take time to go be alone and scream or cry and let it out. We have to find a way and keep going, but there are going to be those periods of time that we just have to accept that falling apart is allowed too. I am married but I still have to keep my job. I wish there was as much help for us as the criminals. Someone to let us take the time to grieve.
I am so sorry that you lost your son. Monday I know I will be back to pretending. In the mean time I just avoid calls and public. Try to take care of yourself as best you can. We have to fight even to make it through the day now, but we can do it. We can together.

Re: Feeling low

Hi Carole, I am so sorry that you have to join this club but glad you found us. My daughter Keara was murdred three and a half years ago by her boyfriend and this is by far the most difficult thing I have had to deal with in my life. Yes you are going to have times that you absolutely just fall apart but under these circumstances that is normal. We can't have our children ripped from our lives in such a brutal way and be OK. This is a loss that is beyond description and just trying to function is so hard.Other people can't and don't understand but we do. Please feel free to email or send me your phone number and I will call you. Also there is a chat room where you can talk to other Moms in the evening. I am sending you much love and want you to know that I do understand.