This reply is for all the posts I have been reading. The black hole seems to be trying to swallow us all. I have been told that others view me as strong but I just believe it is the shell I have grown over the years to protect myself. My heart breaks every minute of every day for our beautiful Lisa and for all the moms. I cry every video I make when I see all the lives taken so tragically. I too just want to go to sleep and never wake up as our journey only seems to encounter more and more evil in this world. That is when I say ENOUGH and feel like I want to scream out for our angels. They need to be acknowledged and be treated as the true victims that they are. There are so many rights groups but when it comes to the victims we seem to be pushed aside. Perhaps because we are the group that has the highest mountain to climb but are in the worst disposition to climb it. I will climb that mountain 1 million (or 10 ten hundred for Nanci) times if only to be knocked off again until I die in the memory of Lisa and our angels. I must do this for my other children as well as Lisa. They deserve to have some sort of life and they need us. I worry if they think I am "moving on" that Lisa's life didn't matter or If I am depressed that Lisa is the only thing that matters or If I am helping other moms that they don't feel like I am ignoring their needs...and the vicious cylce continues. It helps me to grieve by helping others and makes me feel like I can help someone as we all know as mothers we feel like the biggest failures in life for not protecting our children then you feel guiltly asking Did I spend that much time when she was alive? We are always questioning ourselves. The journey is long and the worst one anyone could ever be on but we must continue...We must provide hope for the new moms as they will look for us for encouragement that they can survive this evil. Paula has started a book which we have long talked about. She would like us to send her our stories and she will put them together and use her connections to see about getting it published. Paula's daughter is Cindy Mauntel. I think this is an excellent idea as Diane said They coddle and glamourize the murders and we need to get our stories out, be heard and keep our memories alive. WE are not alone and have each other thanks to Deb Wiley and together in numbers we can make it down this road and keep that hole from swallowing us. I know I am long winded and thank those who were able to stay with me and read the entire post. We luv ya all and think of our Angels daily. The cable guys were here yesterday and looked at Lisa's pictures (which surround the computer area) and you could see they were taken back by them. Then they noticed the dates and saw the MOMS collages and you could see sadness in their eyes depsite being young men. We told them of our stories and it gave me faith that there still are humans out there that are compassionate and understanding. Not your typical "cable guys" and perhaps just what we needed that day. Laura & AV
Laura, What you said about the cable guys touched me. I used to think no one cared but like you said, this is just what you needed that day, and I am glad they send you such sweet guys with caring hearts. Great post! Your every word rings true so eloquently.
Yes, this road is long and never ending, filled with sorrow, grief and anger. Please take care of yourself today and everyday, as best as you possibly can under the horrible circumstances.
Thanks too for giving us the heads up about the book, this is the first time I'v heard of it.
Take care Laura and AV, love to you both,
Sometimes we have to be a bit long winded to get it all out, I read every word of your post and it is so true. I too feel good when I am able to do something to help another mom new to this site or been here for a while it helps me to help others.
I have been told by so many that I am a strong person and I let them think that I am. I have been in such a crappy place for awhile now but I know I will make it through because I have all of you and my family to give me a jump start when things get to tough.
Love and Hugs
Big Jim's Mom
Laura,I love that you're long winded. Cause you say everything that I feel...I tell everyone about Jeremy...And that I'm a part of this group...Then (if they're still listening) I tell them about our group, and about some of our angels...My mom always said that "word of mouth was the best way to get a point across" So,Laura and the rest of you Moms...Keep talking....As for myself, I will never shut up.
hi laura my heart is always with you and all the moms here yes we need this book and we will keep talking about our love one.sometimes it is better to say what's on your mind then nothing at all.love ya hugs and prayers and i love the post too.joann/hot sexy momma lol.