I'm so sorry I haven't been around much. I've been so drained with everything I'm having so many things go wrong it seems like my life is falling apart at the seems. Everyone is fighting with each other, my house is falling apart, my back is throbbing and burning all day and night with no relief at all. I have to go see an orthopedic and money is tight which just makes things even worse!!! All I do is cry, any moments I have that my mind shifts I think of Timmy and my heart just breaks all over again. I could be anywhere, I oculd be going to go buy chicken and remmeber this dish he liked so much and I would just start sobbing. How does life move on? How can anything ever be good again??
I haven't been on chat because I'm so tired at night I can't even stand it then to sit at the computer with my back.
I just want you all to know that I always think of you all and keep you all in my prayers.
I sure do know how depressing the back pain can be, luckily mine was fixable. Girl you need a break!! I wish there was some magic I could preform to help you. But just remember we are all here for you and I hope that brings some comfort.
Love and Hugs
I too have been sick for like almost 3 wks.I don't answer posts like I should and then when I feel up to going on and answering there are so many to answer and I feel like I would be no encouragement to those who post.I sing the same song day after day.I love you Nicky,I miss you Nicky,I want you back Nicky.I can't change the channel.It plays over and over again till I am in such a state of depression,I just want to sleep it off.And then I wake up and it starts over and over again.I know keeping busy is the key to some normalcy,but I don't even have enough energy anymore it's like I'm defeated before I start.See what I mean how encouraging is my message to you? I will pray for you friend and I hope you get relief with your back soon.We are not only mentally exhausted but physically as well.If anyone is reading this can they go to Nicky's last-memory site and where it says angel friends could you please include a short story of your child along with a picture of them possibly one with you in it too.I love to look at all the different sites and I would like a special spot where I can go to to remember all of your angels and you,and what happiness they brought you.Love you all please keep me in prayer as I do you all.Love and God Bless
Thank you Shirley and Barb. I appreciate you all being here for me. Barb, I'm so sorry you haven't been well either. And yes I wake up the that same song, Timmy where are you, Timmy I want you home, Why God did you do this to me, Why was my son taken from me. I just want him home I miss him so much. And with all the other stuff we deal with, having problems with the boys, money, bills, my back and I'm always so tired and I cry at the drop of a pin. I can't take it some days I wish I could just sleep it away too, but I don't sleep either. It's a vicious cycle our lives have taken and it's not freakin fair not one bit. I can't understand why this happened, I can't get it thru my head that he is gone I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again. I hate where I live because I see that spot every freaking day of my life that it tears me apart and I wonder how do I drive past here, how do I still live here, and it's because I'm stuck and I have no energy to make any changes because my life has changed so much already how can I even fathom changing anymore. My boys are or seems to me are falling apart too. My oldest is so sad and depressed like all the time. No matter what I say or do and this on top of my shoulders I can't bare any more weight on me and I want to be there for him and I feel like I am failing there too. i can't seem to help anyone either Barb, no matter what i say or do. I feel like is this all i have left in me?? why even bother. I go to work, I go home, make dinner and sit in my room watching TV or cleaning up. That's it. I don't want to do anything more, I hate leaving my house. But then the problems going on I wish I could just go somehwere and curl up and never come back.
I'm also not much help to many and I felt the same way I try and post and be positive and I always keep mom's in my prayers I just wish I could do more than that. Seems like I just can't.
Love you all
PS I will try and post on Nicky's page with picture os timmy and story. I also have an "Angel" friend page on Timmy's site and I do have many listed with their memory page listed so if there is anyone here who I may have missed I am so sorry I can't sometimes even go on my son's page some days, I would also love to have your child posted on his page too.