I am having one of those really crappy days, it didn't start out bad but then I went to Jimmy's memorial pages and that did it I have been crying or on the verge of tears all day. What I wouldn't give for just one more day, just one more Hey Mom. I miss My Jimmy so much my heart is aching. I don't know how life can go on living with this much pain. I know you all know just what I am going through today 'cause you have been there and done that and will again. I wish I could take all of the pain from each and every one of you and die with it so you wouldn't have to go through days like this.
Love you all bunches
Big Jim's Mom
I'm having one of those days too. Samuel's headstone came in today. It just made it all too real. Sept 23 will be 4 months and I just can't believe this is my life. That this is real. I'm feeling the pain you are feeling right now too. I just posted on my blog how sometimes I think I would be OK if I died right now. I know it wouldn't be fair to my other boys or my husband, but the thought has crossed my mind. I wish you were here, so we could hug each other and share this pain together. No one can truly understand how we all feel.
Hugs and lots and lots of love to you Shirley.
isaida - samuel's mom
Please don't ever think that you are alone in how you are feeling. My son Jeremy was murdered April 25, 2009. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. They let my son's murdered walk free. It will be five months on the 25th of Sept. There are times I think I would rather just go be with him rather than have to suffer through all of this pain and heartache. I miss him so much. There isn't a day that I don't think of him and cry. If it wasn't for the fact that I have custody of his children now, I would have no will to go on at all.
I just wanted you to know that I do understand and that I am here for you if you ever want to talk. We mom's have to stick together and hold each other up in our thoughts and prayers because no one else really can understand our pain. I don't think I would be able to make it through without the love and support I get from the moms on this website.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. The headstone for your son is very beautiful............take care
Thanks, I have just had such a crummy day I needed to tell someone and you moms always come to mind when I need to talk. I am always here for you too anytime.
Love and Hugs
Big Jim's Mom
Hope you are feeling a bit better, boy I do know those terrible days, they are worse than my other terrible days which seem to be every day. But those that hit us the hardest are the worst ever. I know about looking at the pictures books I was doing that a few days ago, looking at all those baby pictures and how cute Timmy was and his little feet, seeing him growing up and those big blue eyes, some days I don't think I'll ever get thur the day. I don't know why we have so much pain in our life, and I know it doesn't get any easeri I know a lot of people say it does but right now, 2 years later, I'm still in awful pain. It's just unberable at times. And the other things we have to deal with in life don't make it any easier. The worry I have for my other boys, how life has been so unkind to them, why do they suffer, knowing they will have to live a lot longer than me with the pain of losing their baby brother to murder. It eats me up and spits me out constantly. I cry every night I can't even pray sometimes because when I do I sob uncontroably and then I can't sleep and up all night and have to work. I miss him so much, God it's awful. I'm sorry I'm trying to give you a cyber (((((((((((((hug))))))))))and got carried away in my grief again.
Shirley and all mom's you have been my life support, without having you mom's here for me on days like these I'd be insane.
Hi Shirley, I am so sorry you were having a crappy day. I hope you are feeling a little better today. As I'm sure you know I can totally relate. It is so unfair that we have to live like this and that our children didn't get to live. I don't understand why we are still here and they are not and many times I wish it were the other way around. Know that I am thinking about you and I love you.
I can definetly relate, it has been a lousy week for me. I started the week off sick with some cold virus, with fever and diarrhea and on Tuesday they posted the were supposed to post the cold case file in the paper featuring my Joshua. Well they didn't post it until Wednesday and they smeared him. Although the article is supposed to stimulate leads they wrote it like he was a gang member and got into an argument and was killed, I am so angry I could scream. He went to a neighborhood bar and was killed afterward, I am sure he wanted that to happen. My other kids were ready to fight after they saw the article about their brother. Dont get me wrong my son did do time for helping a new found friend wipe his prints off a car Josh loaned him after borrowing the car to go get something to eat. He hit two girls on his little quick trip and one died. My son came to me in tears that nite saying the girls were the same age as his sister and what should he do. I told him he knew what he should do and we planned to go to the police in the morning and before we could even get up the police were at my door and arrested my son, as his new found friend had been arrested and told them my son parked the car on the street and helped him wipe it down. Josh had just turned 18. Now as it turns out his 'friend' is a gang member and was 22 at the time and they exploit that to make my son A MURDER VICTIM out to be the bad guy, like he was asking to be killed. It brings all the bad memories back so fresh. so I am with you. I have been off work all week and although I need my job it just is not a high priority for me right now.
I think I am doing my denial thing. I haven't been going to Kaylin's site for a few days and I never thought there would be a day I wouldn't. It hurts so much and with the ceremony planned for Friday, I know it is going to be so emotional. Saturday we are finally bringing her things from storage. I know that will be a day of tears. I want to see and hold everything, but I know it will kill me a little more inside to know that she will not be coming home. I think about her and talk about her but it is like there is a part of me that is trying to pretend that she is just away. I did that for awhile after she died. Now I find myself back there. Sometimes the realization just shocks me all over again. Like it is something I am just hearing for the first time again. Does that even make sense? In some ways it is like as long as I talk about her and tell people about her that she is still alive, just away. Almost that whole"if I stop talking about her it will be real." Some days the reality just hits me like a fist to the face. I don't want her to be gone. I want her to come home and walk in the door. The holidays are quickly approaching and I am already dreading them.