I just wanted to remind everyone to be praying for me and my family as the grand jury meets. I wasn't going to bother going to town since we can't be at the court house anyway, but after seeing the District Attorney last week, he asked that I be in town so that he can meet with me and my mother after the grand jury meets. The closer it gets, the more nervous I get that this jerk will walk away. My emotions are all over the place and I know the closer it gets the more agitated I will become.
We are all here for you, it seems like all we do is sit and wait for our justice system (and I use the term loosely)to get something done.
Keeping you in my thoughts and in my heart.
Love "N" Hugs
These days I just feel like I have no one to talk to. My friends have pretty much disappeared. The one that does still talk to me, keeps preaching at me about the fact that I should be moving on and be more concerned with taking care of my grandchildren instead of worrying about the case or missing my son so bad that I sometimes want to freaking die myself.
I don't understand how any mother could expect me to just move on, and act like nothing has happened. I am so frustrated that any and every little thing seems to **** me off. I don't know what to do to rid myself of some of the anger that torments me. I just want my son back..........I want him here with me.......and his children...........and I know that will never happen. I can't stand being around people....if I had my way I would never leave my bedroom....what is the point?
Alisa. I think we all found out that people we thought we could count on ended up abandoning us and some people who we never thought would be there stepped up. Our lives have changed and unless you have lost a child you don't understand that their death is not like any other that you ever go through. I think that POMC has some brochures that they have to give to people like your friend. You may also need to tell her what you need from her. I am lucky that I do have a friend who asked me what did I need from her and she is there. She may think that she is helping you so let her know what you need from her and if she can't do it then maybe it is time to "move on" from her. One thing I did find after Kaylin was murdered is that I didn't have time for insensitive people. If it was coming from them trying but not knowing what to do that was one thing, but if it was just not caring then I realized that I didn't need that kind of friend any way. We all worry about justice for our kids. We all miss them terribly. Many of us have to take care of other children and we have to learn a way to balance that. That is one reason I love MOMS so much. Every one here understands and are going through the same thing. You grieve how you need to grieve and don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. You know that your grandchildren need you and you are taking care of them. I am here if you need anything. I am sorry that your friend isn't giving you the support that you need, but MOMS are here for you. I saw this late so I hope that the grand jury went your way.
I know you are right...unless these so called friends have had their child murdered, who are they to tell me when it's time to move on? I feel like going and getting a t-shirt made that says on the front, "Have you lost a child to murder?" and on the back,"if not, don't try and tell me how to grieve!!
My own mother does this to a certain degree...and it ticks me off...but I know she is just trying to help so I kind of let it slide with her...
My friends are a different story however...I call and they either don't call back at all or if they do....they lecture me for feeling the way I feel. My own sons are even telling me, it was my brother, mom but it's time to go on..I just want to slap them across the face and say, "Hello? Jeremy has been a part of me since I was 17 years old....I just can't let go that easily. The grand jury hasn't happened yet...it's August 24th....and August 25th will be four months since he was murdered.
I'm so grateful for moms.........at least I can come in here and vent and get support....
Yes I've lost people, b/f of 10 years, some good close friends who don't even talk to me. And also found friends who were there thru thick and thin that I never thought would be. Our lives have been turned upside down and there is no way to even rationalize any of it. I am wrapped in a shroud of sadness right now and am having terrible terrible time of things, some days I don't think I'm going to make it thru it. but I still wake up every morning, he is the first I think of and the last before I go to bed and in my thoughts all day. It was 2 years. 2 years of complete hell. I can't even imagine saying it's been 5 or 10 or even more, the pain is just to great to even think it! Let alone we live it! I wish I had words of comfort for you, but just know you are not alone.
One thing I have learned is that you need one person who will just listen and not give their opinion on how you should act or feel.Thank God I do have people like that in my life.Most from this site.I love the t shirt idea,I might just steal that idea from you.Hey Shirley how about it? My children hurt also,but I too get the feeling that they don't want to talk about it and then other times they look so lost.It is a juggling act to try to figure out everyone's emotions,when we have such a hard time with our own.Not everyone is on the same page as we would like.I am not raising my grandchildren,but they are here alot and it was mentioned to me about for the grandkids sake you need to move on.Well I have found out that that saying from the mouths of babes is true as they are always talking about Nicky.I would like to know how it feels not to cry again.For a year and a half,that is all I do.Sometimes I can't breathe,when I realize he's never coming back.Then I talk to him and ask for the lord's guidance and I am able to function again.This is just going to be the way my life is from now on.Someone said that the pain will never go away,you just learn to live with it.How true that is.I feel like the walking dead sometimes,and if it wasn't for work I probably wouldn't get out of bed,but I can say that some days are better than others.I will be praying for you Aug 24th,I think you might feel a little better after talking to the DA,because you will feel more connected and informed at least that is what I will be praying for.Love and hugs to you and your family.
Alisa...you are right if people haven't lost a child to murder than they don't have a clue about what we are going through or what we need to do or when we need to move...just move...let alone move on. Getting up each and every day is moving on for us moms. The circle of friends seems to get smaller and smaller as the days go on. But there are many comforting moms that can offer support and their friendship here. As far as the T-Shirts keep the ideas coming as Shirley will be making us T-shirts with things just like you said in your post for awareness to those who are too stupid to know any better...We have one....They mean well but what they say is MEAN! Laura & AV