This weekend was very depressing. I kept wondering why it was hitting me after the anniversary until I realized that today was the day we buried her last year (12th). This year I see how truly long that was from the time of her death until her funeral and it makes me sad and angry that our grieving was so interrupted. Last year I wanted to scream when the service was not what we planned and when what we asked for did not happen. Last year I watched as they lowered my child's body into her grave. I always know where she is now and I don't want her to be there. Yesterday I could not make myself get out of bed. I just lay there in the dark listening to all the sounds and wishing I could hear her voice. Doug and Jared were busy pulling the concrete base out of the column out front so I was able to tell them that I just felt bad and stay in bed. Jared kept coming to hug me. Today I couldn't even make myself get up for church. I just felt like a blanket of depression was settling over me. I miss her so much. I want her back so much. So as often happens when I am in my dark place, I write about her. So this is my poem from today. I know it isn't the best but it is from my heart simple as it is.
Did You Know
Did you know I loved you,
Every day of your life?
Did you know I miss you?
The pain cuts like a knife.
Did you know I still see you?
I search for you in a crowd.
Did you know I still cherish you?
I try not to cry too loud.
Did you know I still love you?
Your leaving did not change that.
Did you know I miss you?
And I still want you back!
Dear Kim or should I say the next Emily Dickenson? LOL
Your simple words are from the heart which makes the best poetry.Your Kay Bear feels you and this connection through poetry is beautiful!!! Keep them coming as they all make us feel better.Love Always and God Bless.
