Hi moms I am new here. I lost my beautiful Daughter Chrissy on November 18, 2008. She left 2 children which I now have guardianship of. I am having such deep feeling of guilt for now protecting my daughter sometimes I just dont know how I will survive. Her murder was so brutal I can't begin to imagine what went through her mind. She had to have been so scared for herself but I think at that moment she would have been afraid for her kids. She would have had no way to know if he had already killed the kids or if he would after he killed her. I lived right across the street. I keep asking myself why I didn't look out my window at that moment and see something that would have sent me over there to draw his attention to me so she could have saved her kids and herself. I wish he would have killed me instead of her. He later had threatened the kids that if they told me anything about them leaving he would kill grandma. I can't imagine what they went through.

They won't let me see the crime scene photos or his confession or autopsy report or anything till the trial is over. That seems far away. I think the only thing that keeps me living right now is the kids need me. They cant loose anyone else.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I think it is a double tragedy when children lose their parent as well as us losing a child. I am glad that you found our group though. We are not allowed to see crime scene photos either. You can order a copy of the autopsy report from the coroner. Some order it and read it (I did) and some never do. I needed to know everything, but Kaylin did not have the brutality that chrissy did. It raised more questions for me and led me to question things that I had been told incorrectly. The coroner went over it with us since it is in medical jargin. We face so much having to go through the court process. I couldn't imagine the added pain of having to help the children through their grief and what they saw as well. Some days it is hard just to hold it together for my son. My heart goes out to you. We are here to help in any way we can.

I too am so sorry for your loss, it is so hard seeing so many new moms here but we are all glad you found us. It has been almost 19 months for me and last night I sat and cried for hours for my Jimmy. My son had one little one she spends a lot of time with me so I know how hard it is to keep it together for the grand kids. We all go through the guilt trip and the if onlys but none of it does any good. What has happened to our children is not our fault it is the fault of the POS that murdered them, may they all rot in hell. I never saw crime scene photos but I along with some of my family went to Jim's house and moved all of his things and every thing was still the same as it was that night. I like Kim got a copy of the autopsy report my sister went through it with me she is a nurse so she helped me understand all the medical lingo. There was nothing any of us could have done to protect our children from these maniacs so please do not blame yourself. Just remember we are all here for you to lean on anytime you need to.
Love "N" Hugs
Big Jim's Mom
Shirley

Dear Chrissy's MOM
I am so sorry for your loss.We all know your pain.I'm sure it will be difficult to try to keep some kind of normalcy in your life and your grandkids.Nicky had no children and at the time of his death I was both sad about this as well as glad.I had a hard time coping and couldn't even imagine having to hold it together for someone else.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family,and I hope that the right programs that are available for grieving help in some way.I think we all feel a little guilty about not being there when our children died.From what I am finding out this is normal in the grieving process.I'm sure Chrissy is resting in peace knowing her mama is there for her children.May God give you the strength you need to sustain you.As sorry as I am to see another grieving mother on this site,I too am glad you found us.May the love of family and friends greet you each morning and put you to bed at night.Love Always and God Bless

im so sorry for your loss...im sure your daughter was a lovely girl...i know that its very hard for you and for your granchildren...but thank god that you have each other...you can help each other heal..you have the ability to keep their mothers memory alive...tell them what kind of child she was..of her childhood hopes and dreams...and they can be your reminder when you look into their eyes and see your beautiful daughter...it will be hard...but just be strong..for them and for her...you may feel its not possible, but it is....and you have alot of us here at moms to help you keep your strength up...whenever you feel like you cant do it...there will be someone here to help you...you have become our sister...and we will be your backbone...you are in my prayers...love and hugs to you and your grandchildren, julie/jeremys mom

Hi,
We are so sorry to hear about Chrissy but glad you found us. We are confused as to why they are holding the medical examiner report/autopsy. That is public record to anyone by just calling the medical examiner's office. If they won't release it to you perhaps you should try and have someone else call and see what is going on. We have also viewed the pictures as well as the statements that were made. Something doesn't sound right about all this. Once again we are so sorry for what you are going through but know that we will always be here for you....Luv n' Hugs...Laura & AV

I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter. So sad that we all have to meet this way. There are great mom's here, all have helped me so much thru the loss of my youngest son Timmy who was only 15 when he was killed.

I can understand that they won't show you the crime scene photos or the confession, but you do have the right to a copy of the ME's report. Here in Phila. I had to send a check to get the copy, I think it was $25.00 but I got it about 4 weeks after my request. Maybe you should get in touch with the ME's office and talk directly to them.

I send you many prayers and hugs.

Bette
Timmy's mom

Hi Chrissy's Mom. Glad you found the site. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I have actually contacted the ME and the States Attorney and the police. I have been told I can not have any of these things yet because I am going to be a witness at the trial. I have been told after the trial I can have any the information I want but not until.

They are telling me I can't because they are planning on putting me on the stand as a witness. His attorney also had all the records including his confession sealed.

I am on the defense witness list. It is a nasty ploy that is used by unethical defenses (as though they would be ethical) to keep the jury from seeing the grieving family. I still was able to get Kaylin's autopsy report. I even went and had the Medical Investigator go through it with me and explain it. Is it your attorney who is telling you that you can't see it? Her report was sealed until an arrest was made though. This system is in need of a serious overhaul. It puts the victim on trial and has us as their family treated like we did something wrong. It is backwards. As her mother you should be allowed to know whatever you need to know. I hope that you are checking with some Victim's Rights people. I think www.pomc.com might be able to help with those kinds of questions. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

Hi Mary, I am so sorry that you have to be part of this group but glaad you found ud. Losing a child to murder is the worst nightmare a parent can go through. As you kno2w Keara died under similar circumstances and I too suffer the guilt of not protecting her. That is so hard to live with, I just came back from the Ciomfort Zone camp for the kids and it was wonderful as usual. It is such a great place for kids who have lost their parent or siblings. I hope maybe ut
gradkids and kids can go to. I like you sometimes y hink think that I wouldn't be here smymore if it eren't for them. This is a terrible emotional emotinal roller coaster rthat we are on. Please know that you have us MOMS to support u inny way we can. Hope to see u in chat sometime soon. Love ya, Darien

I am so sorry for your loss. I have 4 granddaughters that lost their Mom on August 25, 2008. It is hard to help them with their grief. Sometimes I just hold them and tell them that I love them and that their mother loved them with all her heart.
I started a garden for my daughter at my apartment and put flowers that she liked a stone with a beautiful saying, a Winnie the Pooh (her favorite) and an Angel staue and the grandchildren know that it is Cindy;s garden as well.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your grandchildren.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my daughter and as you I am Guardian of her two children. Monica's children also witnessed their mothers' murder and fathers suicide. It has been 6 years and these children still go to counseling and still have problems. This is a lifetime of ups and downs for us as it never will ever be over. We just learn to live with the pain. We consider ourselves lucky that the coward shot himself as we do not need to endure the H--- of a trial. Please know that you have come to the right place for guidence and comfort. Only the women here know the pain you are feeling and only the women here know how to listen with their hearts. May God be with you and your family and know we are here for you.

In Prayer

Cindy Monica's Mom