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Timmy's Angelversary

Is coming this Monday. I've been so sick to my stomach these past few weeks, with the 4th of July, then another hearing on the 7th, now his 2 year anniversary on the 13th. I have been in turmoil. My insides shake constantly. I feel sick I can't sleep. It's awful...... I am doing a candle light vigil for my baby that night, please keep my family in your prayers. I am having a horrible time. I couldn't imagine feeling any worse than last year but I guess I was numb. Now I'm just sick over it. I also found out from the hearing that it will be going to trial and I will know by the end of the month when the date is, so that also has me a nervous wreck, most likely will be a while from now, poissibly a year. But still this lingers over me and my family like a nightmare that never ends, but we all know this nightmare doesn't ever end for us does it. The pain is strong as ever, oh how I miss my son. I've cried so much these past few weeks. the agony of not seeing him, hearing his voice, his laughter, that silly grin he had, those big blue eyes, his big bear hugs. I can't even imagnine my life going on without him, I'm trying to keep sane for my other 2 boys. it's so hard. They cut down all my flowers I planted at the cemetary. His lillies were blooming, all my silk flowers they took. Everyone said I should go to the office and freak out, but I just have no fight left. I went tot he store and bought more. I don't know if the lillies will ever bloom again now, it just made me so sad. My sister told me to buy those little brick borders and do a little space from the headstone out and then call them and tell them NOT to touch anything inside the border. I just might do that. It looked so bare when I went there, I couldn't ever cry. I just stood there thinking these people who take care of this have no clue when they do this kind of things. I kept it nice, I always did, how dare they!@!!!!!! sigh..... just more to add to the pain.

I haven't been arond much and I'm sorry I haven't been, just know that I always keep you mom's in my prayers, I always pray that God gives each of you some comfort from this pain we live in. I hope to come on chat soon. I hope everyone is holding on as best as they can also.

Best wishes and God bless to you all.
Love
Bette
Timmy's mom

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

oh bette, i feel so bad for you...your sister has the right idea tho...you should block it off and warn them not to mess with it...im sure it was beautiful...sad...i know that you're feeling down...but it will be ok...you have so many loved ones on your side and all of us moms...just remember that you're not alone...we all love you ...i'll be praying for you...stay strong sis...love and hugs, julie

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

hi betty i will keep you in my prayers and your family.joann hubert mom.

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Bette
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but you know how that goes. Your sister has the right idea about a border to protect your flowers, but you need to make sure you can put in a border. I know at our cemetary I had to get an OK for the headstone I got for my dad.
I am glad to hear a trial date is finally going to be set hopefully it won't take another year to get to trial. It was good to see you in the chat room I know this is a very hard time with Timmy's angel day coming I want you to know I will keep you in my heart and my thoughts.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Bette, I come from a small town and there was a lady that had a flower shop. She would also sell silk flowers. She got caught going to the graveyard and stealing the silk flowers off the graves, I guess she had been doing it for a long time and it ****** someone off so they waited, and waited until they caught her. It's disgusting! I know your pain, I really wish I could ease it for you. For everybody, we still can't even talk about John without crying. We can't even enjoy the memories of him yet. My brother was killed back in 1992, hit by a train after 17 years we can finally talk about him and joke about the things he use to do and say. I wish he would come visit me in my dreams again.
I'm sorry about your flowers and the trials. Maybe your sisters Idea will work. Back home they were not allowed to put broders cause the cemetary had to be mowed. I guess every place is different.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can even pray now, thanks to God.
Patricia

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Dear Bette
So much sadness with losing our babies and then a slap in the face from the place we entrusted their bodies to.So much has been removed from Nicky's site that it is heartbreaking to go there anymore cause I never know what will be removed when I get there.Don't get your hopes up about the border because I can almost guarantee they won't let you have it.They say that they have to mow and weed whack.I told them to look at my son's site.It is one of the most cared for sites there.They agreed but said rules are rules read your handbook.So much for compassion.They probably did a big sweep after father's day.The dollar store has little silk flower pots that I keep replacing anyway.I'm hoping someday that they'll just give up and leave it alone
I am so glad you are having the candle light vigil Monday since I'm off from work.If you don't mind I will pick up candles of my own and represent the MOM's I know wish they could be there.Hang in there Bette,remember we talked about the anxiousness of the approaching days.It is like a big build up,but we miss our babies everyday.See you Monday night.Love ya girl!

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Bette,
If you have heard it once you have heard it a million times...You are a NAG...Sorry we couldn't resist..You have heard there just aren't any words and I like what you told that lady...I didn't ask you for any. Nothing will bring Timmy back and mend the hole in our hearts and take the blackness away. I just want to let you know that we are thinking of your precious Timmy, you, Matt and Joey and that we love you and if you need us you know where we are and if you don't we will come find you cuz we know where you are GIRLIE! Whew for having no words I am out of breath..Luv ya Laura & AV

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Bette. I am thinking of you today and praying for comfort to be sent to you. I hope that you see a sign that Timmy is always near and I send my love to you because I know that today is going to be just a little harder then the rest. I wish I could take away all the pain we feel, but the only thing I can do is to let you know that I am here and thinking of you. Love you Lady.

Re: Timmy's Angelversary

Thanks everyone for all the well wishes and prayers. The vigil went so very nice. So many people showed up it was amazing. Barb came and so did two other moms Ihad met, the one woman lost her daughter and they have not gotten her murderer(s) yet. She sang Amazing Grace, what a beautiful voice. I will post some pictures on his memorial site as soon as I can. It was overwhelming for me, my one son did good, my other not so good. so I need to re-think what to do next year as I know it is so painful for them. We have another hearing on Monday and I'll find out about the trial date then. I'm so tired, I took the week off and have done nothing! It feels good not to do anything except your everyday things. I miss Timmy so much it hurts so bad. I finally got to the cemetary yesterday to put his little "son" sign I bought and at least the little small things & new flowers I got were still there. I cried and cried. It's just not fair, not for any of us. Thank you to for the kimi's you guys left I loved them all.

Oh yeah Laura, my boys totally agree with you but they just think I'm a SPAZ LOL

Love you all,
Bette
Timmys mom