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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)
My 14 almost 15 year old daughter has been out of control for awhile now I have tried to get her help but she won't open up to conuselers or any avenue I got her meds. she wouldn't take them. I am @ a loss.I know that amost or all of whats going on is related to what happened to her brother. She used to be so shy,quiet a great student she is so smart I mean almost scarey smart. Then it happened some worthless POS with a gun murdered my whole family.Andre' died and we are the walking dead.She is now a bully trying to fight everyone,stealing lying,getting in trouble @ school.Now she is in detention for trying to stabb my fiance'. I went to see her yesterday & she told me she hates him because if we would have never met him Andre' would still be alive. See we moved to Kansas City where Andre' was killed after he lost his job.His family is there,he was raised there.Andre' was acting up before that but really started to get in a bad crowd when we moved.I know it is easy for her to blame my fiance' Heck I did too @ first. I even said it to him a few times.I know I was wrong for it.Belive me I feel so bad for it.IT is just easier to blame someone instead of a nameless,faceless pos with a gun.Now I mostly blame myself.I should of told him to come home the last time I talked 2 him I just wanted him to ask to come home.NOw I don't know how to help my daughter.Itis a holiday weekend so I won't know anything until Monday about her.We are moving today my internet won't be back on until Thursday.I just needed to vent and cry on my sister moms shoulders.Thanks I know you are all always there for me.LOve o all.
Hi Vickie, I undeerstand what you are going through. My grandson who just turned 15 is having a lot of problems too. He was in counselin but wouldn't talk so ended up being terminated. His grades also went down and he was failing everything, and having behavioral issues too. He was sent to a special school that deals with troubled kids and ended up doing better but will go to the regular high school in the fall and I am worried about what will happen then. I take my ki grandchildren to a camp for children who have lost a close family member called the Comfort Zone. It is a wonderful place. If you want to know more about it I can give you details. It is free. I am so sorry yhat you are going through this.
My son is 13 and has a lot of anger that he tries to hide. He is in summer school because his grades fell. He was going to therapy but she said he seemed to be doing ok. She is on call now so he doesn't see her every week. Sometimes it is hard for me to tell what is normal behavior for his age and what is related. I know that he will ask me sometimes, "How could someone just not care Mom?" I can't answer him because I don't know how you could drive around with someone dying in your car for hours and just not care. That is what it boils down to I think. He cared more about himself then a fellow human being. It has hurt our family so bad. I sat down with my son though and I told him that he had a choice to make. He could be like Weston and make choices that hurt others or he could be better then that and make choices that helped others. I told him that we do hurt but that Kaylin would not be proud of us if she saw us hurting others, but that instead we had to make sure to tell others that we do care and to try to help them. Sometimes it is hard though. I have to take my own advice and remember that I can't let him steal more then he already has from us. I have tried to encourage my son to look to see those around him who are hurting and to just care. At this age there is so much pain from so many things and our kids are facing things that they should never have to. So now we have to ask them, do you want to be like the person who took Kaylin or do you want to be better then that? I pray for all of the MOMS and their families. It just isn't fair. We didn't ask for this.
Vickie, I also had a brief moment when I blamed my husband. I didn't tell him and he will only know if he reads this. I thought that if we had never come to California she would still be alive. We moved here for his job. Then I blamed myself. If I had never remarried then I would never have moved here and she would still be alive. If I had gone to get ice cream that night maybe I would have seen her and gotten her out of the car and she would still be alive. If I had insisted that she stay and keep that stray cat to take care of then maybe she would still be alive. It goes on an on. I think it is normal to feel guilty. Now I know though, if Weston had just called 9-1-1 or taken her to the hospital, or left her with the people who wanted to help her, or brought her home and left her and called me to go get her, or taken her to one of the fire stations that is near by, or any number of other things then she would still be alive. He made the choice and he is to blame just like the person who shot Andre is to blame. They made choices that took our children from us and they are to blame.
Kim is so right on the only one to blame is the POS that murdered our children. I think we all play the blame game a some point though, if I had kept Jimmy at my house for just a few more minutes talking this may have never happened. If I could have been a stay at home mom, if he had never met the ***** he had been dating. So many ifs but none of them take away the end result. I wish I had something I could tell you about your kids having problems Jim was my youngest and his brother had problems long before this ever happened. I just wonder what will happen with Jim's daughter when she gets older she did have a few problems in school but that was more her stupid teacher worrying that she might talk to the other kids about what happened to her daddy. Well hello naturally a 6 year old will talk about it. But the teacher didn't want her to say anything to the other kids so Sandra's mom had to home school her for the rest of the year. Thankfully she has had more understanding teachers the last couple of years. Early teens are hard enough years without this added burden.
Love and Hugs
It's always the "what if's" and the "whys" that drive us crazy. So many times I've asked myself questions on how this could have been prevented, I've blamed myself many times, I've blamed the other guy Timmy was with because he was the one who they were after, I finally realized that it wasn't his fault, he wasn't a bad person, he didn't deserve to die that way either, I blame the POS' and the evil that took over their hearts. I was mad at God how could yo do this to me, he was a good boy, but I know God didn't do this, I in my heart believe this, I know many people beleive that when it's someone's time it's their time, it's God's plan, but I feel that when someone kills someone I don't believe that's God's plans I believe that it's the evilness in that person who did it. My boys especially my oldest blames himself many many times, as the guy was his friend, I've told him many times it's no ones fault except those who did it. Our other children suffer greatly, so young to live thru such pain, it's not fair. I wish I could take all the pain for them, but then again we also live in pain. I try so much to tell them they still can have a good life, to be good people and to do the best they can for themselves because that's what Timmy would want, (if only I could heed those words for myself). The pain they are enduring is great and we feel their pain. I do wish my boys also would seek someone out to talk to. It's like nothing we say or do will be any help, but I don't give up, even though I die inside every day as my life without my baby is never going to be the same and some days I feel like I just can't go on without him, I think of my other boys and strive to do the best for them. Just keep talking to her, let her know you are always there for her no matter what, my oldest went thru a bad time right when this happened, he suffered greatly, not being somewhere he could get the help he should have, not being able to grieve openly for his brother and holding it in, he still suffers to this day, but I keep letting him know that he is a good person and he can do good for himself, to have faith in God, not to give up on himself or others and make Timmy proud of him. It's the best I can offer. I know the pain you live. God bless you dear and hopefully your daughter will give in and get some help or talk about it and not give in to the evil that destroyed our lives.