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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)
My son Steven went "tubing" with his dad on Saturday and he almost drown. He called me that night to tell me what had happened.I am still just sick over it.He was on a river and got caught by a current and got knocked off his float and he was where the others he was with couldn't see him.He said he kept going under the water & couldn't hold on to the float.He said after the 5th time he was so tired that in his mind he said if I go down again i'm not going to make it i'll just die & be with Andre'.When he went down again he was on a rock & was able to stand up!!!! I couldn't even begin to think of losing another son!! You can't even imagine how it felt to hear him say he was ready to give up & just die.He is 15. Just wanted to share I feel so lucky to still have him here, at the same time scared to know how quickly I can lose another one!!!!
Love to all of you,
When my timmy was killed my oldest son was a total wreck, fighting his own demons already, there were many times he'd call me and tell me he wanted to die. I can imagine the fear you had when you heard this because I remember how the cold would engulf me up thinking that I would lose another child. I'd call friends up and ask them to stay with him that's how scared I was. I think of these things all the time, it's terrible but I know before I used to think I'd never make it if one of my kids died and then Timmy was murdered!!!! I still don't know how I'm still breathing today, but each day I wake up and I am.
I'm glad that he is ok, Timmy was 15. To young. We will always worry about our other kids no matter what, even before Timmy was killed I worried constantly, but never in my life did I think I'd live thru it, now the fear in me is even worse! My boys call me a "spaz", I'm worse now then ever before. It's me now, that's how it is.
I thank God up above that you were spared the pain of losing another son.I also thank God that Steven didn't panic to the point that he couldn't think straight.In his mind he felt that if he didn't make it he would be with his brother Andre.My other 4 children aren't afraid to die anymore.They are not wishing for it, mind you, but they are not afraid.I was so afraid after Nicky died that I would lose another child and like Bette I had a fear before Nicky died that I would wind up in an insane asylum or worse if anything happened to one of my children.Well by God's grace and all you moms that didn't happen.I DO get out of bed in the morning,go to work, go to the store etc.,not with the same gusto I used to,but I am getting used to the fact that nothing will ever seem normal again.Things happen beyond our control and I know most of us moms feel like if we were just there they wouldn't have died.But your son was with his father and it just goes to show you that when the Lord wants you He wants you.None of us wanted our children to die,but it wasn't up to us.We were so used to being in control of our children's lives to an extent,so we can't help but feel miserable that these horrific things happened to them and there was nothing we could do to stop it.I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family,and again thank God that your son Steven was spared.Many,many Hugs to you and God Bless