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ernest n craytonIII

hi moms it has been a long time since i have been to the site i want to say to all that i had not forgotten about anyone here who answered any questions are showed any concern when i neededit hugs to you all and i know that there are new moms here god bless, in april i finally sought help from a therapist i had to for my own sanity i go every thursday and it helps to let all those raw emotions out about losing ernest today my other son and i went and put flowers on ernest's grave and i did not even cry while there i sat and talked to my 24yr old about life and how things happen and we dont know why i have cried during sessions with the therapist like i never got a chance to even at home i cry but for some reason i did not cry at ernest's grave today i really have no clue why not it allways feel like yesterday that he was murdered my mind is in a prison all on it's own anyway the thoughts about such a gruesome thing happening to your child who you birthed into this world is pure torture their's no way te describe it and i think alot of you mom's would agree. once again for those who have wondered where did i go i just wanted to say hi i allways think of you mom's on this site and i also am now caring for my mom who suffers with dementia and pyshcosis it's hard to see a parent who use to cook and nurture your kids right along with you now being combatant with you and says you are the enemy wow!!! it truly hurts and mom has been with me for 16yrs now and with no help frm siblings i am trying to do my best. god bless all you mom's here. mom to ernest n craytonIII

Re: ernest n craytonIII

Cheryl
I am glad you have been able to talk with a therapist I haven't been able to do that yet, don't know why I just haven't. You are so right it does feel like yesterday that my son Jim was taken from me and with his BD coming up it really is hitting me hard again. So sorry to hear about your mom that would be very hard to deal with. Just know in your heart that she loves you so very much.
Hugs
Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: ernest n craytonIII

Dear Cheryl
Well tears know no special time to appear,they just flow at will whenever they want.I can be at my son's gravesite fixing flowers and nothing or I can be riding in my car and start bawling my eyes out.There is no rhyme or reason to them.Because we can now only resort to pictures and memories of our babies,there is no telling when the smothering sensation, squeezing of our heart, or tears will flow.Hang in there and don't try to analyze it.I have found there is no answer to this.I am glad you feel better going to a therapist.That too comes in everyone's own time,as to when they are ready.I too cared for my mother in law which isn't the same thing as a mother (but she was like a second mother to me)with no help.I was glad that the Lord took her before Nicky died,for she was spared that pain.I know I wish I had dementia sometimes when thoughts of Nicky cloud my being and I want to scream from the agony of losing him.But I have other children and grandchildren who need me,so that thought is short lived.Please look into the many programs they have out there for help with your mom.Even if it is just for a couple of hours to get away,your therapist should be able to connect you with these.Many,Many hugs to you and God Bless!