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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Thought for the day

Well I called the DA today and of course got the answering machine. Then we went to pay Melanie's fine for her accident because if she didn't they would issue a warrant. I asked why Lisa's murderer had owed over ,000 in fines for the past 5+ years but was still out on the street. They made every excuse they could with the best being perhaps they couldn't find him even though I told them he was being supported by the State at the time and that is who placed him in Lisa's apartment building and more likely than not was paying his rent. I also asked why he to this day has not paid a nickel for anything after killing someone and is still being supported by the taxpayers in a hospital no less and not a jail...NO ANSWER...Imagine that???? Then we went to vote but couldn't in the primary because we registered Independent (for some reason) and were told we couldn't vote. A good friend of our family who is an attorney running for judge met Lisa only 2 times and she touched his life in a very special way. He was devastated by her murder and has been there for us many times...he shares her birthday...his wife's name is Lisa and his mom-in-law shares my mothers name...wierd. He would be the most deserving candidate for judge because not only of his experience, intelligence,integrity, etc. but his compassion to help others in need. Well we couldn't vote for him..imagine that. So we stopped on the way home to talk to the lady that Melanie hit when she had her accident. They were matter of fact and of course "we had to turn it in to the insurance company" and wouldn't of even considered allowing us to pay the damages out of pocket despite my explanation of how this is affecting Melanie after living the past year in hell due to the loss of her sister to murder...Not even an I'm sorry. I even started the conversation by apologizing and asking if everyone was okay putting them first in the conversation. But NO no one could give us a break. Then when we got home there was a message which we thought was from the DA but NOOOO....it was a message from an attorney from a lady who runs estate sales. We saw her Sunday and she asked if we would be witness to an accident that happened at one of her sales. A lady had fallen down the basement steps (over a year ago) and cracked her head and was bleeding profusely. Her own daughters wouldn't even help her as she lay there. The estate lady yelled down for someone to help and I went over and held her hand, put a cold compress on her head, kept her still and calmed her down by talking about her dog and anything I could think of until the paramedics arrived. The estate lady even said Sunday she thought I had training in the field...and I said I did...I am a mom. WELL of course the call would be to see if we could help someone else...WHY ON EARTH WOULD I EVER THINK IT WAS SOMEONE TRYING TO HELP US????I realize this is long winded and some have probably stopped reading it by now but this is my thought for the day...I HATE PEOPLE (I know good attitude) and I hope someday when they need someone to help them they are ignored or turned away and treated like they don't matter. Laura

Re: Thought for the day

Well Laura, I would like to join your I HATE PEOPLE club. I cannot tell you how many times this past few weeks I have asked Doug, "Why? Why do we try to always do the right thing? The moral, responsible thing? Why do we care? No one else seems to and we have tried even in our pain to reach out and help other people like most of the women of this group would. It seems we have been slapped by everyone and told there is nothing we can do but take it. I have been wondering why the mean hateful people seem to just have everything go their way. I have lost faith in so much lately. Things seems so wrong. What about that karma everyone talks about? I have wondered why I should be nice and I feel I have become meaner, and more bitter. I am tired. Tired of trying when it doesn't seem to matter and every break falls to him. I am not as patient as I once was with people.
You had a tough time and this is not a good month for you (as if any are, but you know what I mean) I tell you I am liking my dogs more and more every day. I am sorry that you have had to go through that and I wish I knew why it seems that the world is off balance and that the nice, caring people keep getting knocked down. I would say karma will take care of it but I don't believe in that anymore either.
So as much as I am with you hating people right now I will say MOMS excluded. I love ya'll.
Try to hang in there. I'll catch you in chat and tell you my idea on mean people. I think you might like it.

Re: Thought for the day

Laura
Good for you make 'em sweat a bit. And what difference would it make who paid for the damage as long as it was paid for? Some People Just Suck!!
So many things just seem so Bass Ackwards! I know of a guy (my sister's BF) who has spent time in prison for DUI not long ago was arrested for evading, DUI and a bunch of other stuff he got bailed out was drinking again the next day got arrested again and is now getting out once more. What the hell this guy is going to kill someone maybe then he will be locked up for good but is that what it takes to get a drunk off the streets? The creeps get to many chances and some innocent person winds up dead before anything is done and then it could take years. I think this country needs to go back to the drawing board and re-write the rules.
Hang in there
Jim's Mom

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Kim
So true kinda feel like the little guy on the beach getting sand kicked in his face hua?
I would love to hear your idea on mean people :)
Love ya
Jim's mom

Re: Thought for the day

Wellllllll, I don't even know where to start on this one because as many of my friends say to me "if it was for bad luck you'd have no luck" and it is true I have this little black cloud hovering over my head and it's been there a very long time. and yes lisa I HATE PEOPLE TOO!!!! I'm sick of being treated like ****, I'm sick of those "families" getting away treating my family like we are THE BAD people when WE ARE THE VICTIMS and I'm sick of my family suffering each and every day and NO ONE SEEMS TO GIVE A F***. I have not been doing good at all lately, things have gone very sour for me, my life, and everything around it. I'm tired of seing my boys suffer each day and paying over and over again for injustices, when they do something wrong it's like get the hangman ready, but then I see others who do things wrong over and over and over and over and it takes 10 years for them to catch up to them and when they do, it seems like they get a slap on the wrist. I've always said I believe that bad people can't always get away with doing bad things all the time, and what goes around comes around, but then I think to myself well I'm a good person so why do bad things always happen to me and why does it seem like no matter what I do or how I try and help others myself that I feel some days alone and forgotten in my grief (excluding all you wonderful mom's here) No one writes on Timmy's myspace much anymore, and it hurts me so bad I always try and keep in touch with his friends and I know they are young and stuff but I don't understand it??? Then the problems I'm having around were I live and I can't go into that but it's been really hard on me and there are days I just cry and cry and cry and I just can't understand why all this is happening and what the hell did I do to have this happen and I just want my son back and we wait and wait for the courts to do their thing, but my son didn't have the chance to wait, he didn't have the chance to sit and still hug his family, laugh, sing, cry, hug, smile BUT THEY DO!!!!!! What happened to his rights???? I know the people working my son's case is doing their best,but it just seems like it's still not fair!!! Does my ramblings make any sense??? See Laura, LOL, I'm spilling my guts out now because I've been in a deep dark place these past few weeks and I'm not getting out of it and I don't know how to. I try and keep up the smiles but inside I feel like screaming, I feel like my life has no meaning and I don't want to feel this way my other sons mean the world to me and it's not fair to them but I fake it every day and pretend I'm ok, when deep inside thye have no clue their mother is falling apart, she is drifting on an endless sea and the only thing keeping me afloat is knowing that I need to be there for them, otherwise what else is there??? I want to move and have no money to do so. I hate seeing the place my son was killed every day of my life. I hate having to worry about bumping into the scums of my life and worry that something might be said, I worry that my boys will be walking down the street and something will happen, I couldn't wait for the summer and now I dread it. I wanted so bad to come onto chat and talk these past few nights and I'm just so freaking tired that I can't even sit at the computer after I eat, I wonder upstairs and stare at the tv until I go to bed. My poor dog who sits and watches me in hysterics just lays beside me because I can tell she just doens't know what to do. I don't do this in front of my sons because I don't want them to be upset. I cried so much on Sunday that my eyes still hurt and it's already Wed. So yeah Laura, I HATE PEOPLE TOO, we need to do a bumper sticker that says 'STAY AWAY I HATE YOU" LOL You know I saw one of my POMC friends had a bumper sticker for her daughter, Shirley that might be something you could do too, I know you are doing mugs and t-shirts did you ever think about doing bumper stickers??? We could think up a few things, maybe even have our angels on them as a memorial or something. See out of the dark comes a pretty good idea??? yeah I don't know it just come into my head LOL now you all know how my brain is working these days, it hops around from one thing to another and just by the end of the day it's nothing but mush!!!! Remember mom's I love you guys, you have kept me sane. and me saying that right now, believe me I sure as hell don't feel sane.

God Bless
Bette
timmy's mom

Re: Thought for the day

Laura, I'm so sorry I didn't mean not to answer your post with my ramblings but one thing I wanted to say is keep hounding that DA, keep calling until someone answers. You are right, there is no reason why that SOB is still sitting where he is sitting and you are not getting any answers, I'm sort of in the same spot about things I can't get into. I'm ready to go to the hearing next Tues. even though I don't have to just to get some answers I need, I'm lucky enough to have a detective who always gets back to me and lets me vent to him. If not for him, I'd be in the looney bin or down at the court house getting arrested for freaking out on someone. and I agree, that lady could have given you a break but people are MEAN. If it was the other way around you'd do it for them. And I don't knwo what to tell you about on being a witness, I think maybe you should pass that one up because you have enough on your plate and don't need anymore, not being mean or anything, maybe do a written statement, you just don't need any more stress OR YOU'LL WIND UP LIKE A LOONEY BIRD LIKE ME!!! :) ok, now I'm definitly crazy!!!

Re: Thought for the day

Laura, I have been thinking over your post and understanding how you feel. But I cannot give up some hope that there is karma in the world. It does appear that those who do not do the right thing always come out on top; but they have to look at themselves in the mirror every day knowing how they got there. It's not worth it to me, so maybe I will remain at the bottom. But at least I am not alone; there are many friends with me and also with you. I know I don't say too much; but I have much admiration for you MOMS and how you have bonded together. You are a talented and sincere bunch of people. That is more than most people have. sorry for rambling, I drank wine tonight...Our children did not get a fair shake in life and we all know that. We also know we are not alone; there are too many of us out there. We cannot change what happened, we can survive it because we have no choice. I don't know if we are strong or just have no choice. Love to all MOMS, jill

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I usually would agree with your thinking Jill but that hasn't been possible for us lately. In the next 10 days we will encounter Lisa's death date and her birthday. The murderer has had one hearing then off to the hospital he goes and there he stays. HE KILLED OUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE PUT IN THE HOSPITAL AND NOW HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED! That is some deterrent now isn't it? We have had no progress at all with them trying to move him to jail let alone trial. The days go by with no justice in sight. NO it won't bring her back but why should our tax dollars be spent on medicating, feeding and housing him five hundred dollars a day as that is the cost of a patient at the facility he is at...Isn't that beautiful. I have insurance and I can't even pay my medical bills because the insurance is such a crappy plan and I work for the government so everyone who thinks government workers have "good" benefits need to rethink that one. It is pathetic how the system is and it keeps ringing in my ears what the district magistrate said...Well the system isn't flawed it is just blah blah blah or whatever he ended with cuz I could hardly stand to listen. NO THE F***ING SYSTEM IS BROKE IS WHAT IT IS...THAT IS WHY IT IS NOT FLAWED!!!!!! I do appreciate those who replied and always welcome comments so please don't think by my reply I am ungrateful....I have to hold on to the few that did answer me....lol....Laura

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Bette...you are too funny and I am glad you got to vent becuz my goodness it does sound like you needed to let some of that steam out!!!!Luv yas...L/AV

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Dear Mom's
just thinking as I read all of your comments just how angry you all are, I thought that I was the only one, I feel so horrible sometimes because I just can't stand and hate to even see the ******** (sorry) driving in their cars with 5-6 people in the car and their stupid music playing all loud and I know **** well that they are illegal and yet am I the only one that notices them, I curse everytime I see one in my way, It angers me because being in the medical field I use to go out of my way to interpet for them and make them feel comfortable in a bad situation and yet when All I wanted was a "Why?" from the shooters mom all she could do was turn to me with disguist and say In spanish, "I don't know, and I don't care!" Where do people get off thinking that they are the only ones in this world and they have no concept of kindness or compassion, I told my husband that I don't understand why this happened to us, we are always on top of things for family members that need help, My husband will stop on the side of the road to assist anyone that he sees stranded because he is a mechanic and he feels that that is the right thing to do and yet this POS didn't give a rat's a## about my son to just shoot him down like a dog. Well anyway about Karma, let me tell you life is a ***** and he just visited the whole family of the shooter, they know they are illegals and no one does anything, but now they have actually lost all 3 houses that they owned and the uncle who cussed at me as he drove his big ass hummer has now lost his house. Oh so sad, NOT
I told my husband why shouldn't they lose, they will never know the pain and suffering that their son has caused us and I really don't care if they all crawl in a hole and die!
Sorry about the anger, it is somedays all I have and today is one of those days.
Thanks for letting me vent and letting me realize that I am not the only one feeling this way.
With love for all of you lovely ladies
Frances Jr's MOM

Re: Thought for the day

I am sorry and I hope I did not come off insensitive. Usually I am the angry one, but I have been trying very hard lately. You are right, the system is broken. Plea conference scheduled for today, but they keep tellng me it probably will be delayed, but no confirmation it is. No answers to what "deal" they are offering. You are right, we should not be providing the housing and medical treatments for murderers. They are letting them out all the time due to overcrowding. It appears that criminals know they can "get away with murder" these days. They also know they can sit on death row for a lifetime while we support them. I have no answers....but I can't give up on hope, it gets me through the day. I hate to see the pain you (we) all feel.

Re: Thought for the day

Nobody will ever know the trauma, pain, and heartache that we feel every day except those of us that are going through it. I agree that the justice system is so unfair and gives the perpetrators all the rights and the victims nothing. It is very hard to remain hopeful and a lot of the time I don't even know what I am supposed to hope for. My baby got murdered and that kills hope. Even having the murderer in prison for the rest of his life doesn't help cause my baby is still dead. I know this is a terrible month for you Laura, with mothers day, the anniv. of Lisa's death and her Birthday. I don't blame you for feeling angry. Ypu have every right to feel that way. We are not only dealing with tyhe death of our children but all kinds of other problems. Our ability to cope is stretched to the point of not being able to. I love you and am sorry you are having to go through all of this. It is not right or fair and you like the rest of us are a good, caring person and don't deserve to be in this hell. Love ya, Darien

Re: Thought for the day

Jill
I believe in Karma too or (what goes around comes around) same thing I guess, it just seems like it takes so long for Karma to catch up with the creeps. I also think the family should have a say in the plea bargain when our DA talked of a plea bargain for manslaughter I went crazy NO way this POS murdered my son in cold blood. When the defense attorney got wind of this he said he and his client (the murdering POS) wouldn't take the deal anyway. Good thing cause he was convicted of 2nd degree and is now spending the rest of his life in prison with manslaughter he would have been able to get out at some point. Here is the BUT, this little creep is requesting protective custody, why should he be protected my Jimmy wasn't. I want to see him in general population in prison he wouldn't last long if and when that happens I will see Karma in action.
Jim's Mom

Re: Thought for the day

Shirley I sure do understand what you mean, the more punished they are the better. in PC they have no time though, nothing but 4 walls to look at and maybe 1 hour outside, no communication with anyone, maybe it will make him reflect and remember the BAD he did over and over again in his stupid POS head and I hope he sees your Jimmys face everytime he closes his POS stupid heads eyes. I know I think my anger has finally come thru. I TOO HATE PEOPLE.