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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Dealing with my daughters murder

My daughter was murdered on Feb.10,2009. I don't even know where to start. I cry and then I stop. I went back to work and nothing is the same and it never ever will be. I just want to scream... why is life going on when my daughter is dead and her killer is released on bond. I just don't understand and there is still so much ahead of us as a family. My husband doesn't discuss any thing its like it didn't happen. My sister's daughter was killed in an automobile accident 16 mths ago so she knows first hand how I really feel.I have to talk its the only thing that helps. If I did not believe in God I don't believe I could even get out of bed each day. I am just searching for support where I can. I found this website and thought it was beautiful. Thank you for listening.

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Hi Tinker,
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. My 34 year old son was murdered May 6, 2007. He was the oldest of my three children and my only son. He also was my best friend.I miss him so much. I know exactly how you feel. I am glad that you found this website. There are some wonderful MOMS here that will give you so much comfort. I have not posted in awhile but I know that when I do and I need some comfort...I know for sure somebody will respond with some kind words. These moms never forget my son. They go in his website and light candles for him...which his own family doesn't. I don't know...maybe it is too hard for them. You will find that we all have been thru what you are going thru. Getting out of bed everyday...Oh God what a struggle! But, we do...because we are surviors. Just remember...you are not alone. And you don't have to walk this journey alone. We are all here for you. I hope you continue to post. I would like to know more about your daughter. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. May God continue to bless and heal you, and may He grant us all the gift to be for you what you need. Take care and be good to your self.

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker
I am so sorry for your loss, I found this web site just over a year ago and was so glad I did. My son my baby Jimmy was murdered Dec. 16,2007 the moms here have helped me to cope I don't know what I would do without them. Like Angie said we are here for you we are all here for each other to support and listen. We all know exactly what you are going through and we will do what ever we can to help you along the rough and rocky road you have now begun to travel. We also have a chat room you will usually find other moms there around 7:00PM eastern time. Hope you feel like joining us there sometimes we get a little crazy but that helps us get through our anger, pain and sorrow.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom
Shirley

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

HI TINKER. YOU WILL FIND THAT WE WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS SO SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND US LIKE THIS EACH MOTHER KNOWS JUST WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU ,I FOUND THIS SITE ONE YEAR AND A HALF .MY 2ND OLD WAS MURDERED JULY 27 2007 HIS NAME IS HUBERT.EACH DAY THAT GO BY IS ONE STEP TO LIVEING -WHAN YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO,MY LIFE IS UP AND DOWN ALL THE TIMES WE HAVE TO LIVE FOR OUR FAMILYS,IF IT WASENT FOR GOD I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT .THIS SITE HAS HELP ME SO MUCH I LOVE ALL THE MOMS HERE /AND THE CHAT ROOM IS CRAZY SOMETIMES IN A GOOD WAY MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALWAYS -JOANN -HUBERT MOM

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Hi Tinker. I am so sorry you had to find us but so glad you did. My daughter was murdered July 1 2008 so we are 8 months into this nightmare. Reading your post brought back vivid memories of my first post. We all feel your pain. You will find this is a place that you can talk about her, vent and rant and feel your pain and no one will tell you to get over it or that it will get better and all the things people who don't understand say trying to help. Nothing is the same and it never will be again. We learn a new normal. We find ourselves living double lives. A life for the outside world and how we really feel. Husbands feel this too, they just deal with it differently then we do. My husband and I were told to look to others for help because we would deal with her murder differently. It was the best advice I was given. I know he misses her and suffered a great loss too. Not to say we never talk together, it is just that they deal with the pain differently then we do and if we look to them as our sole support we may be disappointed. He seeks out men who have lost a child while I come here and attend various support groups. We need to talk about them all the time. So come here and tell us about her. Come and talk about your baby and your frustration and your pain. We are here for you. We will be here for you as you begin this awful journey. Let us help. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My heart breaks for you. This is a journey that you cannot walk alone, let us be there for you. When you are up to it, there is a book called The Worse Loss that I found helpful. I admit I love to read and it took months before I could even touch the book so it may take you awhile. I hope it will be helpful to you as well if you do read it.

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker I just read the articles on your daughter. I am so sorry that you are facing this. If you need to talk you can always email me at kdrose143@mac.com. I just wish I had words to take your pain away. I am just so sorry.

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

We are so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You are right this website is beautiful as are all our angels and the moms that are here. We are all brokenhearted and have a long lonely road ahead of us. But with the moms you don't have to be alone as we all understand and are here for each other. Our lives have changed and we will never be the people we were before this devastation of a nightmare struck our families. We also will be making new friends as many won't be able to handle the new people we are and some will try to understand but never to be able to truly know what it is like to walk in our shoes...not even for 1 minute....The constant pain, overwhelming grief, trial process, anger, desperation...basically the roller coaster we are on that seems to go out of control and sometimes never stopping for us to even catch our breath. We will all be here for you. I am so sorry that you had a need to find this site but we all are glad that once this nightmare started we did find it and the comfort it provides as well as the new friends we have to be there for us. Laura & AV

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Dear Tinker
First let me say I am very sorry for your loss.We all know the unbearable pain you are going through.You can't put it into words,because there are no words for it.To try to describe this feeling to anyone other than a close family relative is useless, unless they have been there.You are in the early phase of your grief,I call it the foggy stage,nothing seems real,you walk down the street and hear everyone talking and laughing and going about their business and you just want to scream "MY CHILD IS DEAD" don't you know? Life goes on for those around us but we don't see how that is possible because the world is darker now, there is no light.The only time you feel the fog lifting a little is when others talk about your child and share their memory of them.The hunger within me to hear every last detail about a story of him is insatiable. I clung to those times and still do.I have 4 other children and they all are grieving differently.Nicky's murderers ruined all of our lives forever.We are left to pick up the pieces.It has been almost a year since my son was murdered and the pain is still unbearable however the MOMS on this site have helped me in ways no one else could, even my family.The need to keep your child's name alive and out there is tremendous.If not us then who? I talked about my children before my son died why would I not continue to do so? If it makes someone uncomfortable oh well they never were a friend to begin with.Family and friends want the old you back,I can testify that that will never happen,but you will eventually find coping mechanisms that will help you, if even to get out of bed in the morning.I too don't know what I would have done had it not been for the Lord helping me every step of the way.When I was at my lowest He picked me up and let me know there is a greater plan ahead,be patient.All will be revealed in time.I also want to send some hugs and sympathy to your sister on her loss.However our children die,it is a tradgedy and a huge loss.Please let us know your daughter's name if you are ready I would like to get to know her.I hope now that you have found us you will feel comfortable enough to come back here and share.We all help each other daily.May God be with you and your family in these dark days.God Bless and many,many hugs to you.I leave you with this scripture I hope it helps you through your day. Love Barb

I will strengthen thee;
yea,I will help thee;
yea I will uphold thee with
the right hand of My righteousness

Isaiah 41:10

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

I am so sorry for your loss. My son was killed on 7/13/07 he was only 15 years old. The pain is unbearable, but here you are not alone. No one understands the pain as we do, mom's of murdered children. Come here anytime, many mom's here who will be with you all the way, this place saved my sanity.

God Bless
Bette
Timmy's mom

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker I am so sorry to hear of the death of your daughter.I always tell moms that are new to this site that I am sorry you need us but,I am glad you found us!!The women here have been my life line for over a year now.My 17 year old son Andre' was murdered on 10/06/07.There is not much more I can add to what the other moms have said,you have come to the right place we are all here for you & eachother night & day in our darkest hours.I know what you mean about your husband I went through that too.They are the ones you feel you should get the most support from yet some how they just can't we all know that men are different than us & they will never really feel this loss the same as we do.Give him time he will come around.You are right things will never be the same.I remember asking that very same question "why is life going on and my son is dead" I know it just doesn't seem fair.Its like time just stops for us and you look up & see everyone & everything pasting you by.I want you to know we are here for you and we know how you feel.You are in my thoughts & prayers!
Hugs
Vickie/Andre's mom

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You will find that the people on this site understand and care about you. I just lost my son on January 4th 09, and nothing will ever be the same. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Jill Jay's mom

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker,
I am so very sorry for your loss.There are no words that will heal your broken heart, just know we all understand what you are going through and are here when ever you need us.
Wes Matheson's MOM Kayt

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Tinker:

As all the other MOMS have said, we are glad you found us, but not happy you are here. I lost my son in June of 2008, and my sisters son comitted suicide in Dec. of 2007, so I know the feelings you and your sister both have.

As Laura will tell you I always say breath; just one breathe at a time, cause we all know sometimes that's all we can handle.

When and if you feel up to it, post about your daughter we would all love to hear about her and stop by the chat room usually there is someone in there from around 7 pm eastern time until at least 11 pm central time, we would love to have you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time.

Nanci/Travis' Mom

Re: Dealing with my daughters murder

Hi Tinker,

I stumble across this site almost 2years ago this coming up april 03,will mark the second year since my sone was murderd.These mom's have helped me when noone else could. Just believe that we are here for you and unforturnely we all understand your pain.much love Alee/joshua's //mom