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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

HI MOM'S,WELL I REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING,I AM TRULY STUCK IN MY GRIEF,I HAD TO COME AND VENT,I HAVE A DARK CLOUD OF ME,I SEEM LIKE I CAN'T GET IT TOGHTER,I REALLY NEED HELP,DEEP INSIDE I AM A MESS,I CAN'T SLEEP,I HEAR TONY SCREAMING MOMMY HELP ME,AND AGAIN I CAN'T GET THIS NIGHTMARE OUT MY HEAD,IT WAS TOLD TO ME THAT DREAM STACHERS COME TO HUNT ME,WELL I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,I AM ALWAY'S FUSSING,BITTER,ANGRY,AND JUST SO SCARE OF MY SELF,I SEE THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM,MY SON DEATH HAS REALLY MESS ME UP,I MIGHT SMILE TO COVER IT UP,BUT REALLY I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP AT TIMES,I CAN'T HANDLE THIS,SOMEPEOPLE SAY LET IT GO,HOW CAN I WHEN IT STARES ME IN THE FACE EACH DAY,MY BABY WAS MURDERED,AND REALLY SO WAS I,I AM JUST HERE WALKING LIKE A SOMBIE,I MISS TONY SO MUCH,MY TWO SON'S ARE HURTING ALSO,I TRY TO BE STRONG FOR THEM,BUT IT'S SO HARD,MY OLDEST WALKS AROUND MAD EACH DAY,WON'T TALK,I ASK HIM WHAT'S WRONG HE TELLS ME NOTHING,I SEE THEPAIN,MOM'S WHAT TO DO,I NEED HELP,I FEEL LIKE I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT!!I NEED SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO STAY STRONG THROUGH THE STORM,LOVE TONY'S-M0M-MICHELLE!!

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

Oh Michelle,
I wish I had a secret to tell you on how to get over the loss of your sweet Tony, but unfortunately there are none. I can only suggest that Tony would not want to see you or his brothers in this state of mind. His spirit is here with you and you all need to look for the signs that he is with you in other ways. Although my other kids are grown they still have what we call 'down' days and I know they are missing their brother. I try to get them to talk about him and if they cry it is okay, we all miss him so much. It is just so awful what this does to a family, the pain and hurt it brings seems unbearable at times. I know you are a survivor because are here now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray that God grant you some sort of peace for that day. I know your compassion as you are one of the first to respond to other MOMs who are hurting with words of consolation. As one MOM said some time ago this is a valley time, sometimes we are high on peaks and other days we are down in the valley. That is the nature of life itself, ups and downs. I know you are down today and your heart will carry you, along with all your sister MOMs who are struggling to climb to the next peak. Climb onto my back and I will gladly carry you up the hill we all have to get to next. Think of your good memories of your son and let them flood out all the bad images. Tony is safe with our Lord and savior, no pain, no heartbreak, waiting as our lives must unfold to our designated outcomes. Waiting and watching proudly as you struggle to the greatest challenge of any parent. Hang on Michelle, it is not meant for you to give up this life you have been given. Times are tough for so many in these days and I know you have the power and strength to make it past this to the next valley.

Big hugs (muah)
Kay

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

Dear Michelle No matter what someone else says to me I can only return to the Lord for my answers.I will share something with you today that I hope will comfort you. The Lord Jesus Christ said,Let not your heart be troubled:ye believe in God,believe also in Me.Peace I leave with you,My peace I give unto you:not as the world giveth,give I unto you.Let not your heart be troubled,neither let it be afraid. John 14:1,27 We are here for you Michelle God Bless and hoping you find some peace and comfort as you go through these tough times.Love and many,many hugs to you Love Barb

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

Dear Sweet Michelle
I too wish there were some magic words to say to take the pain from your heart, but as we all know there are no magic words. You are always here with support and kind words for all of us, just remember we are all here for you too.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom
Shirley

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

HELLO MICHELLE,
I AM SOOOO SORRY.....SENDING YOU HUGS AND PRAYERS. HANG IN THERE AND I PRAY THAT GOD WILL SOON SEND YOU AND YOUR BOYS A LITTLE PEACE...I WISH I TOO HAD THE MAGIC ANSWERS BUT I DON'T. WE HAVE TOO TAKE 1 STEP AT A TIME.MICHELLE WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU WILL BE OVER FLOODED WITH SWEET MEMORIES OF YOUR SWEET ANGEL TONY AND HE WILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE.

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

HI MICHELLE ,MY HEART HURT'S FOR YOU TO DAY PLEASE KNOW I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ALWAYS HUGS MOM .PLEASE DEAR LORD GIVE MICHELLE COMFORT TO DAY FILL HER HEART WITH YOUR LOVE ,LET MICHELLE KNOW YOU WILL BE WITH HER FOREVER,YOU WILL NEVER FORSAKE HER MICHELLE TONY IS WITH YOU AND YOUR SONS ALWAYS ,JUST REMEMBER THE GOOD NOT SO MUCH THE BAD WE WILL GET THRU THIS ALL TOGETHER,WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL SOME DAYS I JUST CAN'T GET HUBERT OUT OF MY THOUGHTS,BUT I KNOW THIS WILL HURT US FOREVER,WE WILL LIVE AGAIN ,JUST ONE STEP AT A TIME WE ALL WILL GET THRU.MAYBE FIND A CHURCH HOME THAT YOU AND THE BOYS CAN GO TO THAT WILL HELP YOU ,YOU JUST CAN'T KEEP IT INSIDE OF YOUR HEAR.YOU HAVE TO RELEACE IT .MAYBE PLAY SOME GOSPEL MUSIC WHEN YOU ARE BY YOUR SELF.CALL ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK I AM HERE ALWAYS .MY HUGS ARE COMEING YOUR WAY SMOOCHES............................PS ALWAYS THINK OF THE GOOD TIMES ABOUT TONY AND THE WAS HE SMILE .................................FROM ONE OF A ZILLION MOMS .........LOVE ,JOANN

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

I am so sorry that u are having such a hard time. I've been there and am there at different times. Do you go to any counseling? Sometimes it helps to have someone to talked to on a regular basis. I am still going after almost 3 years. Also what about meds? Sometimes they help. I am not much of a meds person but I take them now just to keep from losing my sanity. I will call you again soon.

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

Hang in there Michelle and know that we all are here for you whenever you need us. Be patient with yourself and just take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time at your pace. Luv & Hugs...Laura & AV

Re: DARK CLOUD OVER MY LIFE!!

Michelle I am so sorry. It is so hard dealing with the loss of our babies. I am finding that everyday is hard but some are just so much harder. When I want to give up I think of my son and I also remind myself that I have to make sure Kaylin is remembered. I cannot let her be forgotten and if I give up who will make sure that no one forgets her? I also spend a lot of time praying and asking God to help me make it through and to make sure that some other mom does not have to go through this. I think that this is our life and we have to go through it. I also look to my Bible to give me comfort and to MOMS and friends who I believe that God sends with just the right things to help me through that day. Barb has had the perfect scriptures for me several times. I know I pray for all of us everyday and I know many MOMS do. We are here for you and you vent, rant, cry, share memories....what ever you need to do to help you. We are here for you Michelle.Love to you and I wish I could take the hurt and pain away. I wish that none of us had to know this pain.