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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Questions for MOMS

My son was murder on Jan 4 2009 in his driveway sitting in the car of the killer. He lived in Charlotte, NC, and we live in Ohio. The killer has been indicted on a generic murder charge (whatever that is) and we have been contacted by the Victim/Witness Liason. WHO is more concerned with the rights of the killer than my murdered son. I have been reading on here and noticed mention of a victim advocate. How is the world do I get one???

Re: Questions for MOMS

http://www.nc-van.org/img/display%20board_proof.jpg
http://www.nc-van.org/directory/
http://www.ag.state.oh.us/victim/assistance.asp
https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/initMap.do

Jill,
The above are a couple links for North Carolina. Darien also lives in North Carolina and could perhaps have more info for you. She often comes in the chat room and is very sweet and always willing to help other mothers. If you get a chance to come in the chat room many moms are familar with various programs from nationwide to state wide as well such as vinelink which tracks the movement of the prisoners. What exactly is your victim/liason..I certainly hope that she is not some type of advocate as that is so wrong to treat you like that. We were contacted immediately by both the office from the city where our daughter Lisa was attending school as well as our own city but I have heard of other moms who have had to go to great lengths to find help. Our advocates from both cities work together for us and have been very helpful to our family. So they should both be available for your family as well. We live in Pennsylvania so both advocates work out of the same state so I am not sure how your case would be but I would contact them both if possible. I want to tell you how sorry we were when we saw your son added to the moms page but want to let you know you have come to a wonderful site with many many wonderful compassionate & understanding moms. Feel free to come in the chat room for a more personable contact with the moms when you are ready or just post whatever works best for you. All of our love...Laura & AV

Re: Questions for MOMS

Hi Jill. I am sorry to meet you under these circumstances but glad that you found us. MOMS has been a lifesaver to me. In our case we do not have an advocate. We are one of those that fell into having difficulty getting one and then we were told that there were not enough and that they were for "living victims" first. Meaning rape and domestic violence. They don't see us as the victim of a crime. My husband and I attend everything and speak to the DA often. I just got info on an advocate in the county next to us and we will contact them for help soon. Since your case involves distance you should talk to Darien. She is a nice lady. I wish you luck and once again I am so sorry to meet you this way and like Laura and AV, I was saddened to see another name added to the memorial page. My prayers are with you.

Re: Questions for MOMS

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. May God give you peace and comfort somehow and this site also has been a God send to me. Many caring moms to help you and guide you and just be there when you need to vent or to cry.

Sending many prayers.
God Bless
Bette
Timmy's Mom

Re: Questions for MOMS

Jill
First I would like to let you know how sorry I am for your loss, like the other moms have said this is the right place to come for comfort, love, and understanding. All the moms on this site keep me going when I am down.
I live in a small town in California the first court date we went to an advocate was assigned to us. Her name is Amanda and she was so helpful she went to every court date and explained everything we didn't understand.
We all understand what you mean when you say the Liason was more concerned the the the rights of the murderer. It seems in this justice system of ours our murdered children no longer have rights.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom
Shirley

Re: Questions for MOMS

Jill, Laura gave you some good links for North Carolina and it appears Yvonne Moore got the victim adocate award in 2008 and she is in Charlotte. I would start with her. Just explain to her the situation and get her to make contact with the DA's office for you. Maybe it will keep them on their toes if they know someone else will be keeping tabs on what is going on. Also call the DA's office in your area in Ohio and explain the situation to them. They should keep help you also. My son was murdered in Atlanta, Ga but we live in Memphis, Tn so we had about the same situation. We were lucky the Atlanta people kept us informed but I usually knew about court dates before they called because they keep their court calendar on line and I was able to pull it up every day. If I can help in any way please let me know. The DA's office in Ohio should be able to get you the names of local homicide support groups. I know POMC has some chapters in Ohio but not sure where you are in Ohio. You can go to their website and see if they have a physical chapter in your area.

Re: Questions for MOMS

Thank you everyone for your support. I will be contacting the NCVAN on Monday since they close at 1:00 on Fridays. As you all know, this is very very hard and I hyave been too sad to get mad yet. I don't understand or know anything about the process or what to expect, and a part of me doesn't care because it will not change anything for me. My son just graduated from college and was preparing for graduate school. We had just been down to visit him the end of December and had just met his killer. I just want him back

Re: Questions for MOMS

OHHH... JILL I AM SOOOO SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR SON JAY.AS ALL THE OTHER MOMS HAVE SAID YOU HAVE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE,WE ALL UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL AND WE ARE ALL HERE FOR EACH OTHER.SENDING YOU MANY MANY HUGS AND PRAYERS.

Re: Questions for MOMS

Hi Jill, I live in NC and may be able to help you with an advocate. Please feel free to contact me darienrussell@earthlink.net. I am so sorry that u have joined our ranks but glad u have found us. I go in the chat room a lot of nites and would be glad to talk to u. I am so sorry for your loss.
Darien

Re: Questions for MOMS

Dear Jill It goes without saying that I'm sooo sorry for the loss of your son.Great that you found this site,it is a lifesaver to us all.It seems like you got enough information about advocates so I will just repeat what others have said.Please come on to rant,rave,cry,hug,share etc.We all do understand your pain and are very good listeners.God Bless and many,many hugs to you and your family love Barb

Re: Questions for MOMS

Jill:

Sorry for your the loss of your son, and as the others have said you have come to the right place. We MOMS truely understand and even though we are
in different states, we are all still deal with the American Justice System and if we can be of any help, please let us know. Stop in the chat room when you feel you are ready, we are all here for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with u at this most difficult time.

Nanci/Travis' Mom

Re: Questions for MOMS

Sorry to hear another mom is going down this road
they call murder.You will find that all the thoughts
you will have ,some of us have thought the same thing.
You are not alone.We have been going down this road for almost 11 years. We still have bad days . Hang in there. May God be with your family.

Bobbie Billy Lee's mom

Re: Questions for MOMS

my prayers are with you joann hubert so sorry

Re: Questions for MOMS

Dearest Jill,

I'm so sorry that you have lost your son to murder.
You didn't tell us his name.

My son Wesley was stabbed to death July 19, 2004. He lived in Oregon and I in Utah. I called the District Attorneys office in Grants Pass and stumbled on to the Victims Advocate Ladies. They were a godsend to me and were helpful in every way possible. They sent me copies of the police reports, assisted with finding answers to every question I had, and even came with me to court. With all the advice and links and everything Deb Wiley told you, you should find yourself in good hands soon.

I'm glad you found us! I can't imagine how
much worse my life would be if I hadn't been able to
share my tears and grief with everyone here. ONLY they know how I feel. Please continue to visit, there is a lot of support and most of all understanding here.
Karen Wes's mom

Re: Questions for MOMS

Hi Jill, I'm sorry I missed your call. I was at my sister's. I tried calling you but no luck getting in touch. I will call again. I have thought a lot about you and I know what you mean about not getting mad. It has been almost 3 years since Keara was murdered and I have spent most of the time being so traumatized and so incredibly sad, rather than mad. I hope that we will be able to speak soon and I will do whatever I can to help you even if it's just to listen. Again I am so sorry that your son's life was taken.