Just wanted you all to know I keep you in my prayers, but life has been so hard lately I just don't know how to keep up anymore.
My oldest didn't get his 10 hour home pass and I was so upset about this, the girl assured me like 3 times over the phone that he would but goes and tells him on a FRIDAY that he can't have it, he is not sure I guess he was in shock. I called her Thurs. & Fri. just to make sure and of course she didn't call me back. And I can't make a big stink about it because I don't want to make things harder for him. But it would have been nice of her to call me back, don't you think? I still want an explanation as to why. But like I said I don't want to make things harder on him as it is. Just not fair, they say one thing and turn around and do something else, how is that going to help anyone? No wonder a lot of people with problems go back and do it all over again how do they learn to keep the trust when it is not offered to them? It makes me so upset. Then my other son is going to basic training on Feb. 9th. Well he actually leaves on 2/13, (yeah great it's a Friday the 13th too) but they have to go before and then somewhere Indian Gap or something then to Georgia. So now I will have no one with me for a bit and its upsetting to me. My dog will be alone all day and I worry about her. I cry so much more about Timmy then ever. My work has become crazy I don't want to write to much about that but it's gotten so hard on me the things that are going on, oh the stories I could tell. It's just nuts anymore and the driving back and forth the traffic is terrible I have worked in town for over 20 years, except for 2 of those when I worked out this way before Timmy was born and even then it was hard as I hard to pick the boys up from daycare I wound up going back to the city because of the commute. My one car is broken down and I don't know what to do with it as money is tight. I worry about income tax because I never changed my W4 from 4 to 3 or 2, I'm constantly worrying about something or crying over something. I feel like I'm have a breakdown. I swear I do, I'm so miserable I sometimes can't even listen to what I say. I wouldn't want to be around me! I don't go out I stay in all the time, I never go anywhere. Im terribly depressed but I don't want to go on any anti-depressants because they always make me feel weird. Xanex help so much, and of course I don't sleep well. Don't I just osund great!!!! I'm ranting now. Sorry I just needed to let you all know why I haven't really posted or replied to any of the posts, and I want to come to chat but Im so tired and so miserable it's like why? who wants to listen to my crap? Just please know I always say a little prayer for all you mom's going thru this terrible pain and heartache.
And having court looming over me all the time just makes things even harder and knowing my baby is gone well we all know that terrible heartache pain, it's destroying me little by little.
Dear Bette
Poor baby,you sound like you are having a rough time of it.Don't worry about us we know you care and are with us even when you think you're not.Utilize that phone book that Kim so graciously made for us,that's why she made it, so we would never feel alone.Life is still going to bring huge disappointments our way and to tell you the truth they suck,but they will also make you stronger.If you would have told me that I would still be living and breathing if one of my children died last year I would have laughed in your face.Nothing could ever be as huge as that and yet the little things that are thrown our way in the everyday scheme of things pile up till we can't breathe at times I call it my" mountain of despair".Take a deep breath,decide on a game plan,be ready before it hits(that's the key) and then attack the problems one at a time head on.I know this is easier said than done,but it's a start.Keep praying,you are on my prayer list as I hope I'm on yours Prayer is still the most valuable tool we have.Love you Bette stay strong and God Bless.
